


Someone to You

by IrisClou



Series: Sensei Squared [Kaka/Iru/Tsu] [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Confessions, Denial, Drama, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, LOTS. OF DENIAL., Love Triangle, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, UPDATE: iruka's a poledancer. but its 'exercise', because lets be fucking real. gotta pay some homage to kishimotos bullshit, i dunno pretty much iruka likes 2 people and hes dying inside bc his baby heart cant take it and, idiots to lovers, if iruka isnt crying hes laughing. sometimes he does both simultaneously, iruka - im not gay i just have charlie xcx's boys on repeat, kakashis just panicking bc he thinks irukas hetero, obscene amounts of fluff, ocassional nsfw ish shit - we usually will seperate full nsfw into its on chapter so its optional, uh fuck uh so like....theyre gay?, while i lay in bed and think about how pretty kakashi is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-03-02 18:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 66,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18816445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrisClou/pseuds/IrisClou
Summary: I just wanna be somebody to someoneI never had nobody and no road homeI wanna be somebody to someoneSomebody to youAfter an embarrassing failed attempt to tell Kakashi how he truly feels, Iruka does his best to find some way to show the jonin he really cares, but life consistently gets in the way, tearing his heart up one piece at a time as he struggles to commit to feelings he didn't realize he's had foryears.UPDATED: 6/25/19 - NEW CHAPTER 17 UPDATED - CHAPTER 12 UPDATED[SHOUTOUT TO RAGE @YIFFACHU ON TUMBLR FOR WRITING KAKASHI'S SHIT, SEND THEM KUDOS AND DOGS]





	1. New Constellation

**Author's Note:**

> listen. theres going to be some inconsistencies. maybe some typos. we dont care. this is for fun, and its more the experience of watching these two support each other and grow together than it is semantics. ill let you know if a section never got written, however, and give you a brief rundown of what was suppposed to happen. i work 6 days a week and writing takes a ton of energy, so i dont always write what i should, but hey thems the breaks 
> 
> enjoy buckos

_I'm so tired of love songs, tired of love songs_  
Tired of love songs, tired of love  
Just wanna go home, wanna go home

**[[TIRED | LAUV]](https://youtu.be/tDY2aBp3PO4) **

There was something restless in the night. 

  
Something in the way the last of the cherry blossoms paved the streets and waterways of Konoha, petals bleached white from the hot rays of the waxing sun. Something in the fruit trees growing heavy, creatures of the dawn and dusk rejoicing in what spoils the children of the village would leave behind. Something in how the waning life of winter seemed like nothing more than a bad dream. How easily a lone shinobi could convince himself that life had always been a perpetual cusp of spring into summer.    
  
Something in the lights of the night sky, brighter now that he had moved towards the outskirts of the once sleepy town.    
  
His ears pricked as a familiar song thrummed from the old pocket radio beside him, a relic from the days he would sit out on the roof of his house like now, only with his father beside him. The metal still had the faded letters of his name, ink smeared, but still legible. It was almost if he could hear his father now, and he closed his eyes at the idea -- he had always looked for a new constellation -- hell even a new pair of stars in the night sky after that terrible night.    
  
He relaxed and breathed in the rich night air, relishing in the myriad of new scents in the air, so full of life from the recent rain and loamy soil. The shinobi’s favorite season was easily spring, but now that it was fast slipping into the sultry fingertips of summer, he wondered whether it was worth the bother of clinging to the cherry blossoms. He certainly wasn't getting any younger.    
  
He found himself humming to the song now, foot tapping to the beat on the shingles.    
  
Youth was wasted on the young, they said.   
  
When was _his_ spring break? _His_ summer vacation? Now that he had more responsibility at the Academy, it seemed any free time he had was spent tutoring, or worse -- paperwork. Not to mention the dreaded parent-teacher conferences.   
  
He groaned and opened his eyes again. The scar across the bridge of his nose had begun to twinge. He rubbed at it mindlessly, and yawned.    
  
The shinobi blinked, a sudden frown clouding his normally sunny expression. Something was different about the starry sky.    
  
He sat up, song forgotten as the silver stars melted into a familiar ruff of unruly hair, and two smiling dark eyes.    
  
“Iruka-sensei. Fancy meeting you here.” The voice always sent shivers down the chuunin’s spine, but the effect the husky tone had on him was only amplified by the fact they were alone together.    
  
Frantic to stifle the chance he may show any sign of being flustered, Iruka snorted, and rolled his eyes.   
  
“This _is_...my _house_ , Kakashi-sama--ah--”A quick clear of his throat, a muffled curse, “Sensei. I meant--” He trailed off, but the jōnin didn’t even seem to notice the slip-up.   
  
“I keep forgetting you live out here now. Hustle and bustle gettin’ to you?” Kakashi plopped down unceremoniously next to his old friend.    
  
Iruka swallowed. Hard. They had the whole...goddamn roof to share, and the idiot sat mere inches from him, gloved hand barely a hair’s breadth from his.    
  
“If you want to call me old, better do it quick, before I croak.” The man retorted playfully, not realizing how badly he needed the company. His chest still felt tight, however.    
  
“Nah, I found a wrinkle the other day, surely, at this rate, I’ll look like Lord Third by next week!” Kakashi laughed, a little too loud, and Iruka quickly joined in, though it was nervous. Damn it! His palms were already sweating.    
  
“Didn’t know it was a contest…” He mumbled, more to himself than anything. He looked up, almost too anxious to make eye contact. As if...as if he stared too long at the man, he’d just...vanish. Considering it was Kakashi of all people, one of the most elusive bastards he’d ever met, he wouldn't be surprised. It was almost like spotting a deer in your garden.   
  
You’d give everything to be able to walk up to it, to let it come and touch its wet nose to your palm...but too afraid to do anything more than watch from the window, nose pressed to the pane, in fear if you breathed too loud...it’d bolt.    
  
Of course, Iruka knew his friend certainly wasn’t as flighty as a wild animal...but after all that had happened...the fact he even gave him, a much lower ranking ninja, the time of day--no, no. Kakashi didn’t pay attention to rank. But still. It was a hard mental habit to break for Iruka.    
  
The chuunin was in obvious distress, ironically at the notion that the jōnin could sense his every thought or emotion, which, of course, caught the older man’s attention. Iruka was generally a calm person. He wondered if something was up.    
  
The younger man bristled as Kakashi’s fingers brushed his as he brought his hand up to run it through his wild silver hair. He hastily suppressed the shiver and took a deep breath, recentering himself. Amaterasu’s left tit, Iruka! Control yourself! He mentally reprimanded himself.    
  
But the silence had grown thick, and the chūnin was caught staring expectantly into the joniin’s dark eyes.

 

There were two new stars in the night, reflected in those hypnotic pupils.

 

\---

 

There was no better time for a stroll through the village than in the late days of spring at nighttime, the air warm and thick with the scent of the trailing sakura petals adrift in the breeze. 

 

After a day of mundane tasks, his students on a short break from missions and training now that Konoha was restored, Kakashi Hatake spent his evening by absently trailing through the Village Hidden in the Leaves, his attention solely on the book in his hand. Other passerby moved out of his way, when really, they didn’t need to. Even with his face almost pressed to the pages, he could sense when there was someone in front of him and could move accordingly. Whatever suited them, he supposed.

 

Comfortable in the slight chill after a drizzly day thanks to his flak jacket, the shinobi eventually closed his copy of one of the installments of _ Icha Icha  _ as it grew increasingly darker. The light pouring from the freshly built village houses did little to illuminate the pages well enough to read.

 

A faint sound caught his attention, coming from the rooftop of a nearby building. The dull drone of music drifted through the night air. Kakashi took a moment to figure out just where his feet had carried him, slowly recognizing the house.

 

Isn’t that…?

 

Sure enough, after leaping silently up onto the roof, Kakashi found none other than Iruka Umino atop his own house - which he had moved into not too long ago, after his old apartment was destroyed - an old pocket radio serenading quietly by his leg, a bit of crackly static interrupting the voice that came through it.

 

Eyes lazy yet alight with a humored smile, Kakashi greeted his friend, sharp eyes noticing him stiffen for but a brief moment, before relaxing once again while Kakashi took a seat beside him.

 

They exchanged their usual banter, falling into mutual silence after their laughter died down. Kakashi blinked after ruffling his silver hair, glancing back to the chūnin and wondered what he was thinking of to have him sitting out on his roof at this time of night. What troubles plagued his mind.

 

He often forgot, but he and the younger shinobi had much in common. Both had suffered great losses, and in the end, become stronger, their hardships only fueling their drive to better themselves and, thus, those around them. 

 

Kakashi had a strong respect for the chūnin. Like himself, the brunette lost his parents at a young age, and despite going down a rocky path at first, Iruka grew into a compassionate shinobi, taking it upon himself to guide the children of the village, no matter their circumstances. No matter their skills or beliefs, the chūnin ensured the future of the village, a future only obtainable by the children.

 

It was nothing that the jōnin could say the same of himself. He was not the understanding sensei a shinobi of the Leaf should be. There was no denying that Kakashi lost all of his loved ones those years ago - his father, his teammates, even his sensei and his wife, whom he had been placed in charge of protecting, too many promises broken - and he could not deny the grief that overcame him after it all, the darkened path that spiraled before him. But, now, in lieu of it all, after losing the family he had forged in the past and finally finding a new one after becoming Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura’s sensei, he certainly could not deny how selfish he had been.

 

The numerous students before the three that he failed, pushing his harsh beliefs onto them without giving them a chance to rectify their mistakes. The numerous times he holed himself away, following that dark path, a path only fueled by his time as part of the Anbu, thinking that pushing everyone else away would protect himself from more despair. That, if he treated others the way the world had treated him - cold, ruthless - then no one else would have to go through all that he had. No mistakes made, no losing loved ones.

 

Yes, he had been selfish. Letting his mistakes and losses eat away at him, almost to the point of no return.

 

And yet, the shinobi there beside him who lost just as much, had never faltered and succumbed to a miserable life. Of course, he certainly suffered, and Kakashi was sure he’d harbored dark thoughts, woke up in a sweat by nightmares created from the trauma and gloom that plagued him at night, but he never turned as distant as Kakashi once had. Never pushed others away.

 

Iruka was true to what it meant to be a teacher. While he was a kindhearted sensei, he was also stern when need be, yet never pitiless. His compassion brought out the best in his young students.

 

As highly observant as he was, Kakashi was aware of how similar their pasts were, yet he didn’t fail to notice how differently they handled their pain.

 

Looking back on it now, it was wrong for Kakashi to have been so severe to the few teams he briefly taught. It was wrong for him to have only given Team 7 a chance.

 

Kakashi, while perhaps harboring a knack for leading, was far from an ideal teacher. And even when he had found his place with his newest students, when he felt maybe he could discover new bonds, a new family, he ruined even that. He failed Sasuke - whom he often saw himself in, and he wondered if perhaps that was his downfall - he failed yet another student. And in doing so, failed Sakura and Naruto. Like he had failed his own teammates and sensei before. In the end, he was a disgrace of the shinobi he strived to be.

 

Nevertheless, he didn’t lose either Naruto or Sakura. And while they were often busy with Captain Yamato in more recent days, he didn’t lose the hope he found in Naruto. 

 

In a way, Kakashi had Iruka to thank for that. 

 

If Naruto hadn't had Iruka in his life, it was possible the ambitious blond never would have been a part of his team. And Kakashi never would have gotten to see his old teammate reflected in the jinchūriki, carrying out the same dream. 

 

Despite being a good few years older than the man beside him, Kakashi had a lot to learn from him.

 

Quickly realising how lost in thought he had become, the older man snapped himself out of his reminiscing and regrets. A habit of his he would never break, even if he tried. On a night like this, his ruminations were quick to take over his thoughts. Sometimes it couldn’t be helped. How troublesome.

 

With a quiet hum, Kakashi angled his head away, a hand reaching up to pull the left side of his headband down over his signature scarred eye, taking in the night sky with his right. He failed to notice a momentary frown take over the brunette’s lazy smile.

 

It was odd to witness the typically composed teacher and peer acting so tense.

 

He briefly wondered if he should offer an ear to what seemed to be making the chūnin so on edge. Kakashi had done so numerous times in the past. 

 

“I can see why you like it here,” he remarked instead, regarding his friend with a sidelong glance. 

 

While Konoha was highly populated, and the main streets were usually filled with the hustle and bustle of daily village life, it was fairly quiet and peaceful considering. Even at night, when many shinobi would end their day with a night out of drinking with friends, the streets and businesses were occupied with the many customers they attracted, it was never unpleasant. Here, nearing the edge of the large village, the roads were much quieter, with the housing much more spaced out, and well-kempt gardens decorated the pathways.

 

Offering a small smile, Iruka nodded, a foot absentmindedly bobbing to the beat of the song now playing on his radio. He watched the clouds drift by, their forms lit up by the moon’s glow.

 

“I feel lucky,” the shinobi commented, the persistent curl at the corners of his mouth taking over once again. “It really is lovely. But…” Iruka chuckled. “Now I have to walk even further to get to the academy.”

 

Kakashi huffed out a laugh.

 

“Well,  _ I _ enjoyed the walk.” The jōnin shifted, his voice light.

 

“Yeah, I suppose I can’t deny it’s kinda scenic,” the chūnin admitted, pulling his legs up to his chest so that he could rest an elbow, leaning his chin into his hand. “I haven’t...really payed attention enough to appreciate it though.”

 

Kakashi, on a whim alone, leaned in towards his friend in attempt to catch his eye. It took Iruka a second before he noticed how close the silver-haired man was to his own face in his peripheral vision and practically jumped, a squawk escaping him as he fell back onto his hands. Kakashi paid it no mind, and probably couldn’t make out the blush that crept onto the other man’s face due to the dark, a small glint in his eye.

 

“Hey,” he started, “let’s go then.”

 

“G-go? Wh-where?” Iruka stammered, taken off guard by the shinobi’s sudden energy.

 

He got a smile in response, hidden beneath Kakashi’s mask, but clearly evident in his eye.

 

“On a walk.” Kakashi - to Iruka’s relief - leaned back, and Iruka let go of the breath he didn’t realize he was holding in. “I know it’s dark out, but the lamp posts give us enough light to take in the view. You’re in a rush to get to work on your way to the academy, so, well, wouldn’t you say now is the perfect opportunity to take a stroll in your new neighborhood?” The jōnin didn’t give his friend much time to respond before he stood up, putting his hands in his pockets while he let Iruka get to his feet.

 

_\---_

_Never knew I'd stay for so long_  
_And this truth cuts_  
_Not through one, but both not through one, but both of us_  
_But it's deeper if I hold on_

**[[BREATHE | LAUV]](https://youtu.be/rwTULrIL94s) **

 

Iruka’s heart was still beating hard enough to make his hands shake as he got to his feet, but the rough texture of the shingles on his bare soles was nostalgic to him, and oddly enough, comforted him. He took a deep breath as the pair of shinobi scaled down the fire escape, radio clipped to his sweats, slipping on his sandals from the porch before setting out on the dirt path. 

 

The chuunin had been more than content to entertain the idea of stargazing all night beside the joniin, dozing off to the sound of Kakashi telling him stories of team seven, eyes half-lidded, focused on the deep blue fabric that covered the experienced shinobi’s lips--lips he supposed were scarred and nervously chewed at from battle and anxiety. Or maybe, the man had some sort of deformity, which put a slight damper on Iruka’s daydreaming--and at the realization that was EXACTLY what he was doing, he mentally shook away any further musings. 

 

Still. It wasn’t like it was...something specific to him, _everyone_ wondered about it, didn’t they? It wasn’t like he was hyper-focused on something so ridiculous as how they’d feel against his--

 

“Iruka!” The sudden outburst jerked the chuunin out of his thoughts, just seconds before he slammed face first into a lampost. 

 

The man stood still, cold sweat on his brow, shocked at the mental image. One he’d conjured up on his own. 

 

Kakashi’s complexion grew dark with concern, gloved hand reaching out to pull his friend back onto the path. 

 

Iruka just stared at the ground, feeling the heat rise all the way from his chest to his cheeks, nose burning red-hot. _Idiot. What an idiot._ He had already begun to berate himself, a flood of confusing emotions and “friends don’t -- _men_ don’t do that” jumbling the rest of his thoughts into a swirling mess. 

 

“Are...you alright?” The joniin squinted, searching dark brown eyes for answers not easily given. 

 

His friend blinked, unable to speak. 

 

Then, “Yeah.” Shortly Followed by, “No, not really.” A weak smile made his lips tremble. 

 

Iruka continued, before the joniin could interject, shaking his head. 

 

“Nights like these, I wind up thinking too much, and saying too little.” But to his surprise, this pseudo-nugget of wisdom was brushed off with a snort. A hidden grin graced Kakashi’s lips. 

 

“You say this like I’m unfamiliar with the concept.” He motioned with a nod that they should at least keep walking. They’d barely gone a quarter kilometer before Iruka had strayed. 

 

Something was up.

 

Iruka gave him a frustrated glare, but soon relented. 

 

“Let’s not overthink. Let’s just enjoy what few get to see at this time of night.” Kakashi reassured him. 

 

But the chuunin’s arms felt heavy, hands empty as they walked. He was so used to having a student’s hand in his as he walked them home, or a stack of books, maybe some reports, anything--

 

He looked up, watching weeping strands of sakura wave gently in the night breeze. 

 

Iruka inhaled shakily, steeling himself. He hadn’t gotten this...panicky, it seemed, since Lord Third had told him to personally look out for Naruto. When he had to face an awkward fear, the idea that his trauma stemmed from nothing more terrifying than a ten year old child. How he had mistakenly followed the advice of a colleague to just...ignore it. 

 

He learned, much to his shame, that ignoring his problems (though he loathed to admit that was how he viewed Naruto at first) led only to greater ones. How the chuunin worked tirelessly for months to make up for just a week or so of turning a blind eye to the boy’s antics. Iruka had never felt more like an estranged father in his life.

 

It was such a bizarre balancing act: scolding him during the day for pranks, only to hold him close that same night on that old wooden swing set, jaw set to keep from tearing up as the boy’s struggles tumbled from his lips like a waterfall, followed by sobbing hiccups and what seemed like endless tears. 

 

But there was something beyond rewarding in getting his flak jacket covered in snot and drool, the poor kid’s face buried into his belly, fists tightly curled around his shirt. Knowing that at the very, very least, he could be a sturdy rock for this child to cling to. Iruka could never replace his parents, but he could remind him what it felt like to have someone care about his every trouble. 

 

Granted, Kakashi was no Naruto. Thank Amaterasu for that, but still. Iruka felt the same queasiness grip his gut without mercy every time he looked at him nowadays. Some kind of fear he couldn't come to terms with, staring him in the face. 

 

His steps slowed, feet dragging slightly. But he had learned his lesson years ago. He couldn’t let his problems get the best of him. Overpower him, until he was paralyzed with “what ifs.” 

 

“Please don’t run into another lampost, or I _will_ carry you the rest of the way.” Kakashi laughed, a sort of nervous chuckle, as if he were forcing a cheerful note into a brooding dirge. 

 

Silence. 

 

It was like every fiber of Iruka’s body shivered, palms sweating, mouth dry. He couldn’t do this. The hell was happening to him? He felt like a walking shell of himself. As if he had left the real Iruka back on the rooftop, and all that was left was just an empty replica. 

 

He stopped once the surreality was too much to process. Was he having a panic attack? Was that what this was? Weird. The chuunin almost wanted to laugh at himself. 

 

“Oh, hey, shit, Iruka, you okay?” Kakashi’s usually husky voice grew taut like a koto string. “You look so pale...are you sick?” He did his best to catch his friend’s eyes with his. 

 

“I...I’m just overthinking things…” He lied, dry lips trembling, “Distract me.” It was just a breath away from begging.

 

Kakashi, still not convinced, decided to play along, just for the time being. It was as if the chuunin wasn’t all there. With a huff, he blinked, looking around for ideas, lips pursed. 

 

“There’s a cat in the middle of the road.” He shrugged, lifting a nonchalant hand. 

 

Iruka jerked to his senses, dark brow furrowed as if to reprimand him for saying something silly, before seeing the cat himself. It was a black, slight thing, just sitting in their path, watching with bored green eyes. 

 

A chuckle bubbled up in Iruka’s throat, and he begrudgingly smiled, biting at his lip as he caught Kakashi’s eye. 

 

“Well? I’m not wrong.” The man shrugged. “Now, are you going to say what’s on your mind or --”

 

“Or what. I’m gonna "or what" this one for a bit. Sorry.” Iruka let out a sigh of defeat, catching himself staring longingly at his friend’s empty gloved hand, his fingers aching just to...to reach out? Is that what he wanted? Company? Something steady for himself? To ground his worries? No...stop that! Again, another reprimand. Just let it go. Stay calm. Kakashi deserves better than a basket case. 

 

Deserves better? Wait..what did that mean? 

 

Iruka hastily spoke up before the whole shitshow could start up again. 

 

“Hey, uh...so, I’m having trouble with a couple kids in my class, and I was wondering if you had any advice...seeing as you dealt with the trio for so long.” He laughed weakly, desperate to just...listen to his friend for once, as opposed to his own thoughts clamoring at any chance to bond with him. 

 

\--

 

“What do you think’s goin’ on?” Naruto squinted at the pair of shinobi through the leaves of the maple branch he had perched on. He glanced down at a disgruntled looking Sakura, who stood at the foot of the tree, arms crossed. “Some kinda super-secret-sensei meeting?”    
  
The kunoichi shot him a dirty look.    
  
“Haven’t you learned to mind your own business?” She hissed back up at him. “Maybe they just want to be alo--” The word caught in her throat as she watched her old homeroom teacher turn, red faced, to her sensei, and mumbled something before reaching out to take his hand. Her eyes widened, watching Iruka knot tan fingers with scarred, pale ones.    
  
“Holding hands?” Naruto wheezed, “Is this a new secret technique?”    
  
But Sakura was now invested in the scene that played out before her just a few meters away. Her ears strained painfully, trying to pick up any stray words she could.    
  
“...I just…”    
  
Iruka seemed hesitant, to say the least, swallowing hard, thumb rubbing against Kakashi’s knuckle.    
  
“...value our friendship. A lot.” His usual clear tone of voice was hushed, as if he were nothing but--   
  
Sakura’s eyes grew wide, just as Naruto groaned.    
  
“Oh, jeeze. They’re just giving each other a handshake, this is lame--”   
  
“Shh!” The kunoichi snarled. Was this?   
  
It had to be. The look on Iruka’s face, the way he couldn’t keep eye contact, shoulders hunched slightly...the telltale blush...no way! He was acting just like a shy schoolgirl with a crush!   
  
Was...Iruka….Kakashi’s secret admirer?    
  
“Booooring…” Naruto whined, sliding down the tree. “C’mon, Sakura. Let’s go.”   
  
“You dolt! Don’t you understand what's going on? Watch!” She yanked him by the ear, turning his head to face the tender scene before them.    
  
“O-ow! No! Tell me then!”

 

\--

 

No matter how hard Iruka tried to cover up how anxious he was, Kakashi certainly wasn’t slow, and, he admitted, Iruka wasn’t much of an actor at a time like this. The two had barely begun their walk when the ch ūnin nearly walked face-first into the pole of a lamp post. Thankfully he caught Kakashi’s warning, but even that left the man visibly guarded after he was guided back onto the worn path.

The silver-haired shinobi tried to get into his mind, but Iruka didn't offer much in response that would help understand. Kakashi narrowed his eye in thought as he studied his friend. 

Iruka was trying to convince him that all was well, but, it was obvious to the jōnin that he was really just trying to convince himself.

About what, though?

Kakashi was excellent at reading others. It only took a few moments of keen observation for him to have another figured out, one’s strengths and weaknesses mapped out in his mind like a clear picture in order to come up with the right strategy. 

But...

That was on the battlefield. Where his years of training and blood-soaked missions sculpted him into the shinobi he was now, confident in his decision making skills and abilities. Where it was essential to figure an opponent out before rushing in.

That was when there were lives on the line, the safety of the village in jeopardy if he stumbled. The safety of those he cared about, and their futures that he would not allow be destroyed.

This. This was something entirely different.

Kakashi wasn’t known to be a people person, and while he wasn’t necessarily asocial, it wasn’t like he spent every waking minute hanging out with close friends. He knew the human mind like the back of his hand when it came to combat, yet when it came to everyday social interaction, he wasn’t quite up to speed. He supposed he had those years of reclusion to thank for. It was a shame, really, that so many held him in high esteem. It wasn’t like he, of all people, deserved it.

Of course, that didn’t mean he disliked socialization. He  _ did _ have friends after all, and students that looked up to him. And he enjoyed going out from time to time to enjoy a nice meal with a peer or two, often meeting up with the other senseis of the teams to catch up on their students’ progress. There was one absent nowadays, and he found himself oddly missing the smell of cigarette smoke whenever he and his fellow teachers would meet up. He couldn’t imagine how Kurenai felt, losing the one whose child she now carried. 

But as he did, she and everyone else carried on. They returned to their old routines.

And he couldn’t forget Might Gai, who would drag him out of his home from time to time with a challenge that he gladly accepted. The youthful man, Kakashi had realized, had saved his life, being someone he held dear that helped to pull him out of the rut he had put himself in back then. A dear friend that taught him to let loose and live life carefree when he was able to. 

But he was one of few that could actually coax the jōnin out of his shell.

So, no. Kakashi was certainly not a people person. He had an aversion to attention, not much of a fan of being the center of a crowd. That being so, he was hardly ever quick to pick up on someone else’s emotions. Empathy was something he had difficulty grasping, and part of that was due to forcibly ignoring it more times than he could count. A captain of the Anbu Black Ops had no time for empathy, and that had stuck with him ever since he left the organization. There was no place for such a thing in the heat of a crucial mission, where everyone was out to kill you, and you, them.

He was better nowadays. He had friends again, and he felt for them deeply.

Even still, Iruka was quite the tough cookie to figure out. Sure, he wasn’t afraid to let his emotions show, as passionate as he was, but there were many times where he would put up a front, strong and stubborn even if he was crying. It was uncanny how much like this man Naruto was.

Taking a moment to register what Iruka just said, Kakashi blinked in disbelief.

Iruka? Asking  _ him _ for advice? Advice for unruly students at that.

Immediately, Kakashi knew it was simply a coverup for something that Iruka wasn't ready to address. The chūnin  _ was _ aware of his past...teaching habits, wasn’t he? 

Surely he was. 

“Well…” he started, uncertain as to where to go with this, “it’s...it’s all about teamwork.” Kakashi rubbed at the back of his neck, voice faltering. His usual coolheadedness escaped him, trying to come up with something that might humor his friend’s request. “They won’t get anywhere until they realize that. Perhaps some...team-building assignments will help?”

He watched Iruka’s expression fall, ever so slightly, clearly not getting the answer he wanted, or perhaps not knowing what he had expected in the first place, his eyes shifting to the ground. Disappointed. 

“Right…” Iruka chuckled weakly, a pathetic attempt at trying to lighten his own mood as a strained smile pulled at his lips. “I...I forgot.”

Kakashi felt a pang of alarm, his eye widening - the man looked damn near ready to cry.

“Thank you, Kakashi…” Iruka mumbled so quietly that Kakashi almost missed that he said anything at all, had he not noticed his lips moving slowly, face angled away from him. What he didn’t notice - as observant as he was - was the flush on Iruka’s face when he looked back up at him. And he didn’t realize one of the chūnin’s hands extend towards one of his own until he felt fingertips brush his hand, the cloth of his fingerless glove obscuring the sensation on his skin until the fingers curled around his own worn ones. The fabric did little to prevent him from registering the sensation of a thumb running along his knuckles.

This time, Kakashi felt a pang of something else.

It was almost alarm, but not quite. 

At the same time, the shinobi felt practically numb, staring at Iruka when the brunet caught his eye before glancing away again.

“I just...value our friendship. A lot.”

Kakashi wasn’t sure what kind of appreciative gesture this was supposed to be, but there was something about the chūnin’s faint voice that bewildered him to no end, and something stirred within his chest. Iruka had a tendency to get flustered easily, but nothing like...this. This was so unlike Iruka, he had no idea how to react. 

Iruka seemed to have noticed this, and struggled with himself, something going on inside his mind that was completely beyond Kakashi as to what. His shoulders tense, Iruka gave Kakashi’s hand a brief squeeze, and then let go almost as quickly. His hand lingered in air for a moment, almost hesitant to remove itself. The younger man felt sweat bead on his forehead.

“Iruka--” Kakashi began to voice questioningly, his own tone having dropped low, serious.

“U-uh, I -- I should get going…!” Iruka sputtered in what little of a farewell he would offer, before he spun around on his heels, not even giving the jōnin a parting glance. He was embarrassed beyond belief, and he’d be damned if he stayed around long enough for Kakashi to laugh at his current state.  _ What the hell has gotten into me…?! _

Left in a haze of confusion, Kakashi stood as still as his namesake, his gaze trailing after Iruka’s receding form in the dark, gradually leaving him standing alone beneath the golden glow of lamplight. His sharp mind was struggling to process whatever it was that just transpired before he finally just shrugged to himself, as if the motion itself tossed his trepidations into the air for the wind to carry away. 

Just then, his ear pricked at the smallest of sounds, and he turned his head to a lone tree across a nearby garden, its low hanging branches swaying gently in the breeze. A cricket chirped in the flowering bushes that surrounded it, confirming he was alone, and Kakashi let out a silent sigh. Hm, he could’ve sworn he heard someone. 

The shinobi tilted his head back, staring at the stars for a speechless moment before he shifted, sliding his hands into his pockets. Deciding he was ready for bed himself, Kakashi turned and began the trudge back to his empty home. He’d sort out his thoughts when he had the energy. A good night’s rest might do the trick - that is, if his scattered mind will allow him that.

\--  


 

_ He’s just leaving…?  _ Sakura furrowed her brows as she and Naruto watched Iruka hurry away from their sensei, his head hung low.

“What was that all about?” Naruto questioned beside her, his face scrunched comically as he tried to decipher the strange interaction that just occurred between his two senseis. The blond rubbed at his chin as if that would help speed up the process.

Sakura screwed her mouth up in a pensive frown, not giving the boy an answer.

There was no doubt about it. 

“Say...now that I think about it…” Naruto recalled, voice low to keep Kakashi from hearing them. It almost felt like old times, sneaking around their sensei. “You used to act like that whenever you were around Sasuke, Sakura-chan. Y’know, all...squirmy and weird. Why’s Iruka-sensei--”

Before Naruto could finish, Sakura grabbed him by the arm, quickly pulling him along with her not a moment too late before Kakashi turned his head towards their hiding place. The young kunoichi ignored Naruto’s complaints, having put the pieces together long before her teammate said anything. She’d explain it to him later. Right now, they just had to make sure their sensei hadn’t spotted them.

And, if she was right, their former teacher looked completely helpless. Sakura had never seen him look so defeated.

Maybe they could lend a hand...and give their team captain a little push in the right direction.

\--

 

 


	2. Dream Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> naruto is so fucking good no one deserves him FIGHT ME
> 
> also im not. im not going to reread this to edit it so like. this is your last warning if you expect something pristine and professsional. just sit back, grab some choji brand chips and indulge my friends
> 
> [get used to double spacing its a bitch to fix and takes like twice as long to post]

Iruka had a hell of a night, fending off strange dreams through bouts of sleeplessness. (Just looking at that fuckig word gives me a headache) Hands would reach down to him, one moment, the familiar, calloused palms of his father, or the soft ones of his mother...the next, fair skinned and scarred, cloaked in gloves. He felt small, confused, the smell of smoke in his lungs, bright lights flickering on and off in a sea of black clouds and pavement like waves beneath him. The hands kept coming, strange hands, grabbing at his shirt, hair, wrists, each with its own frantic voice.

 

Then, a pair of wrinkled, leathery hands appeared, speckled with age and sun. They reached down, holding him firmly under the arms. They pulled him up, up, up, until a richer smoke filled his lungs, a strangely soothing scent. Iruka felt himself rest up on the white cloaked man’s shoulder, one hand beneath him, the other against his back to keep him close.

 

He felt at ease, the other hands, voices, lights and smoke fading away. But when he went to look down at who held him, the arms around him grew stronger, wiry. Deep gray eyes, one shut in a permanent wink, and a masked smile gazed up at him.

 

Iruka jerked awake as soon as the face drew nearer, gloved hand pulling down the mask to reveal pale lips, curled into a mischievous smile.

 

The chuunin’s sheets clung to him, the sweat cold now. He shook off the post-nightmare jitters with determination before dragging himself off to a cold shower. It was almost as if his body and mind could never decide on one thing.

 

Iruka opened the bathroom window, splashed some water on his face, and stripped before stepping into the stream, relaxing as soon as the cool water hit his skin.

 

Amaterasu’s ass, ever since last night, he’d felt like a nervous wreck.

 

/I really value our friendship. A lot./

 

The phrase rattled in his brain again and again. The HELL did he say that for? What did he even MEAN by that? Idiot….idiot...idi…

 

He let out a sigh and shook his head, slowly combing his fingers through thick locks.

 

Enough. He wasn’t his own student. Instead of beating the horse, he’d sit down and figure out how it died in the first place.

 

When did it all...start? When did he look at Kakashi so differently?

 

Flashbacks of their last mission together, when Lord Third had suggested...other work for Iruka.

 

Of the time he found himself face to face with an Akatsuki member. And not just any. Pain.

 

Kakashi had saved his life both times. But it was the latter...when Iruka had looked down from the rubble of what had once been Konoha…

 

How the joniin had fallen like a stoned falcon. How Iruka had screamed until his voice was hoarse, stumbling like a lost child down to him, only to watch in horror as he was dragged away to a medical team out of sight.

 

The joy in his heart to see him alive again. How he had wept, but kept his distance, as if he were no longer worthy to stand in the presence of such a legend. Why had he done that?

 

Perhaps it was because Kakashi was out on the front lines while Iruka held what was left of the village together, assuring young and old that heroes still lived, and justice was only one more sunrise away. He would hold the children through nightmares and stormy nights, telling them stories of his friend, Kakashi Hatake. Of the students he helped teach, who were by his side. Of Naruto, the pariah turned messiah.

 

His friend. Then why did he act as though he was in the shadow of a Kage? Why did he feel as though he had no control over his thoughts or words, tripping over even the simplest of sentences like a lovestruck fool.

 

Iruka’s blood ran colder than the water.

 

No. No, no. He began to laugh incredulously, rinsing out his hair. That was just a saying. A phrase, nothing more. Maybe he was just worried another catastrophe would strike, and his friend would be called away for good this time. That’s why he was so nervous. It had to be that. Had to be.

 

Had to be.

 

\--

 

School let out early that day, and Iruka found great relief in the news he wouldn’t have to stay any later either. The whole day, he seemed in a daze of sorts, and the students took full advantage of it, of course. The little rascals were getting restless from the warm weather, and the teacher found himself the butt of many a practical joke.

 

It wasn’t until he was walking little Nami home, that he realized what he should spend the rest of the day doing.

 

“Mr. Iruka? Why were you so tired looking this morning?” The young girl seemed genuinely concerned for his well being, in the adorable way that children exaggerated.

 

Her sensei flashed a weak smile, before pausing to pick up her sandal as it slipped off, and offering her a piggyback ride instead. Nami happily agreed, and they set off again, the girl playing with his ponytail.

 

“I was up late grading papers,” he lied, reaching back to tousle her hair.

 

“Mr. Iruka, you’re very bad at not telling the twuth.” The little lisp made the shinobi’s heart melt, and he gave in.

 

“I guess I have a lot on my mind, Nami. Even big kids like me get confused and don’t know what to do sometimes.” He admitted, feeling a little silly. But it was a good silly.

 

“Well, you should do what I do.” The girl stated matter-of-factly. “Go call Granny up, and ask her what to do.”

 

Iruka let out a belly laugh.

 

“Thanks, Nami. I’ll do that.” He grinned up at her, then set off at a trot, causing the girl to giggle with every bounce.

 

Once they had parted ways, the little girl one piece of candy richer than before, waving goodbye with her mother from the front door, Iruka was no longer stumped on what to do.

 

He made his way slowly to the graveyard, solemnly taking in the warm breeze and sunlight from the perfect spring afternoon.

 

Only a few strangers lingered amongst the stones, oblivious to him as he walked past, to a more prominent one. The headstone of Lord Third.

 

Certainly, he had been no “Granny.” But, Iruka felt like a child now in the cold grave’s presence. Lord Third had always been there for him, for all sorts of advice as he grew up. What was stopping him from seeking advice again?

 

He knelt down reverently in front of the stone, eyes lowered at the beautiful flowers that grew along the length, shaded by a young plum tree.

 

Iruka’s ruminations were cut short, however, as a familiar orange and gray pair of sweats swished past him out of the corner of his eye.

 

He looked up to see Naruto Uzamaki, smiling brightly, balancing two bowls of ramen in one arm, and what looked like a picture frame in the other.

 

Curious, but not wanting to be rude, he simply watched as the young man made his way to a grave a little further down, before setting out the bowls and frame at the foot.

 

To his surprise, Naruto turned around and cheerfully called out to him.

 

“Good afternoon, Iruka-sensei!” He padded over, stooping down to greet his old teacher closer. “Come to visit Gramps?”

 

“Sort of.” Iruka smiled softly. “How about you?”

 

“It’s Dad’s birthday today. I figured since I can’t take him out to lunch, I’d bring lunch to him.” Naruto beamed, “It’s such a nice day, a picnic would be too good to miss!”

 

Iruka felt a lump form almost instantly in his throat. He swallowed painfully at it, and nodded wordlessly.

 

“Wanna join me? It’s no party, but birthdays are always best spent with friends. And you’ve been to every one of mine since I was a runt!” He laughed hoarsely.

 

“Are you sure?” Iruka spoke tentatively.

 

“Of course! Come on, before my ramen gets cold!”

 

\--

 

They both sat crosslegged at the foot of the grave, a bowl of ramen in each young man’s lap. Between them sat a framed photograph of Minato and Kushina grinning that signature Uzamaki grin. Naruto slurped happily at his lunch.

 

“You’re such a thoughtful son, Naruto. I’m sure your father appreciates this more than you know.” Iruka said quietly, trying his best to hold back tears. The way the boy seemed so happy in the midst of a lasting tragedy was such a bittersweet sight.

 

“Well, I like to come up on nice days to tell him how everything’s going, and ask him for advice on some things.” Naruto mused between mouthfuls of noodle.

 

“I’m glad you confide in him.” Iruka’s nose was already starting to feel hot, and he sniffed, pretending it was from the heat of the soup.

 

“Well, if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be so willing to talk to others about how I feel, y’know? You were kinda like my dad when I was lost. And that’s what dads are for, I think.” Another slurp, “Someone to guide you. Not tell you what to do, that’s annoying. But to sorta give you a push in right direction.” Naruto laughed, “And you did that a LOT for me, Iruka-sensei! And I’m happy you did.”

 

The sniffles turned into a scrunched nose and a quivering bottom lip as Iruka quickly rubbed away salty tears forming. He swallowed thickly, head bowed.

 

“You’re such a good kid, Naruto. The Leaf is so lucky to have you.” He choked back a sob. “Please never lose that bright spirit of yours.”

 

Naruto cocked his head, confused. Iruka-sensei always seemed to get so emotional about things like this. He wondered why?

 

“I won’t, promise! But hey, what about you? What did you come to talk to Gramps about?” Naruto finished the last of his broth, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

 

Taken aback by the sudden change in subject, Iruka coughed, then cleared his throat.

 

“Not...not much really. Just some advice on a thing or two.” He glanced away shiftily.

 

“Advice?” The boy’s interest was piqued. “Can I help?”

 

Iruka opened his mouth to politely decline the offer, then reconsidered.

 

“Well…actually…” The chuunin felt a blush creep over his cheeks. “You probably could.”

 

“Yeah!” Naruto exclaimed, “Watcha need?”

 

“Uh, hmm...well, you see...it’s about Kakashi.”

 

“About Sensei?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What about him?”

 

Iruka sat dumbly for a moment.

 

...What about him?

 

He had to come up with something, some sort of bullshit excuse, anything would do, just --

 

“Uh, well, y-you see, a while back, Kakashi and I were on an important mission. It was a success, but I failed at my task, so I pursued teaching instead,” Iruka stammered, “And tomorrow’s the anniversary of that mission, and I wanted to get something for him as thanks for helping me realize what path I needed to take.” The last part was a little bit of a white lie, but…

 

“And?” Naruto urged.

 

“Well...what does he like? You spent so much time with him, surely, you know of things he enjoys.” Iruka felt so exposed saying this all aloud, he hastily looked around to see if anyone could overhear him.

 

“What does Sensei like? Hmmm…” Naruto comically flopped back, rubbing his chin. “Well, he really likes to read those weird books Pervy Sage used to write.”

 

Iruka’s insides did a few pirouettes before belly flopping into a sea of shock.

 

“Uh...h-how about...s-something e-else..?” He spluttered, face bright red at the notion of even being in POSSESSION of pure, unadulterated smut, let alone HANDING it to someone, someone he may have confusing feelings for. His heart was nearly in his throat.

 

“Something else, huh? Well...maybe…” Naruto shrugged. “I won a couple hot spring vouchers a while ago, and I never really go up there so, like..you could give those to him if you want?” He paused, “But lemme think first, I’m sure I know somethin’ Sensei would like as a present.”

 

\--

 

The following day, Naruto unexpectedly ran into Iruka at the cemetery, welcoming someone to accompany him with his late father’s celebration. And none other than his most trusted friend. Good thing he brought plenty of ramen to go around.

 

Last night, after he and Sakura had abandoned snooping on the older men, she told him she’d meet up with him later. He wasn’t sure why it had to wait, but he wasn’t complaining - he had plans for that day, after all.

 

Now, his day was ever better with Iruka by his side. Still, after seeing how crestfallen his sensei looked the previous night, he couldn’t help but wonder what had him so depressed. He watched him through the corner of his eye as he sipped at his broth. Iruka was as much of a crybaby as he was, but he rarely ever saw him so _sad_ . At least, he seemed sad. He wasn’t sure what was wrong. Was it because he couldn’t think of a decent gift for Kakashi? Maybe, but that didn’t seem reason enough to get _that_ upset about.

 

Naruto wracked his brain for an idea, but came up empty each time he thought he was getting somewhere. What _did_ Kakashi-sensei like? Way back then, he had told them he had many interests. There was reading of course. And...and....

 

Naruto had no idea what Kakashi liked.

 

When it dawned on him, Naruto grumbled, sincerely disappointed that he had no answer for Iruka.

 

“Agh, I can’t think of anything,” he admitted, pouting. “Kakashi-sensei is such a secretive guy, ya know? I still don’t know that much about him, even after all this time.” Naruto looked at his companion with an apologetic glance. He never really thought about it until now.

 

Iruka sighed deeply, his shoulders sagging, then let out a bitter chuckle.

 

“Thanks anyway, Naruto.” The chūnin flashed his former student a grin, reaching over to ruffle his unruly hair. “Though, I might take you up on those vouchers for myself.”

 

Naruto beamed back.

 

“Hey, after all those times you treated me to Ichiraku, it’d be the least I could do!”

 

Iruka just shook his head, leaning back on his hands.

 

“There’s no need to repay me for that,” the chūnin declined the notion. He felt having the spirited blond in his life was compensation enough, and he couldn’t ask for more. He just regretted not being there by his side sooner, when he so desperately needed someone. Like he once did.

 

“But hey! Don’t worry, I’ll try to find out what he likes for ya!” Naruto jerked his thumb at himself, nodding his head as he declared a new mission to help out his sensei.

 

“R-really? You’d do that?” Iruka stammered, feeling his cheeks heat up.

 

“Yeah! I might even be able to get Sakura or Sai to help me.”

 

Iruka just smiled, almost bashfully. Naruto was always so keen to help. He felt like a fool, having a child do such a favor for him, but, well...

 

“OH, speaking of which, I gotta go…!” Naruto hauled himself up with the grace of a bullfrog, planting his feet onto the soft grass. “I’ve got a meeting with Sakura. Serious business, I think. Don’t want to make her mad.”

 

“O-oh, okay..!” Iruka sat up as Naruto brushed off his pants. He stood up just in time when the boy threw his arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. Iruka’s hands stalled at his sides momentarily, his mind slow these past few days. He felt his chest tighten with emotion, warmth spreading through his heart as he wrapped his arms around the boy in return. He still couldn’t get over how tall he was now.

 

Just like that, Naruto let go, his trademark sunshiny smile practically taking up his entire face. The orange-clad boy turned to leave, waving back at the man before he rushed off.

 

“See ya later, Iruka-sensei!”

 

“Later, Naruto!” Iruka called back, smiling after the teenager until he disappeared from sight with a leap.

 

Iruka took a moment, his arms crossed, only to then realize that Naruto had forgotten his belongings, dirty dishes included. The man puffed out a laugh through his nose, half-smiling. Guess he would have to clean up after him.

 

Some things never change.

 --

 

Kakashi was out of bed before the sun rose over the distant mountains, dim light trying to sneak its way past the blinds that covered the windows. 

 

When Konoha had been rebuilt, he decided to get an actual house for himself, rather than live in such a small space that he once did. He never did mind - he was often out on missions, material things were the least of his worries. But of course...the shinobi glanced to the nightstand by his single-sized bed, staring at the two framed photographs adorned upon its surface. 

 

Even now that he had a much larger home, it was stark, with very few things to liven up the place. His bedroom was probably the most decorated room, with a few personal items placed on shelves and on the nightstand.

 

Kakashi sat at the edge of his bed, his unscarred eye lingering on the faces captured for the rest of time in the photographs. He didn’t really need them. In the older photo, he often saw the three faces that were not his own in his dreams. They weren’t ever pleasant dreams.

 

But, he supposed, the photo was there to remind him of what once had been. What the nightmares didn’t remind him of; a time where things weren’t perfect, but he wouldn’t trade for the world. 

 

Rubbing at his uncovered face, his left eye kept shut, the silver-haired shinobi pushed himself up off the bed, bare feet shuffling towards the bath. He emerged after washing his face, digging out an old pair of sweats to put on, as well as his face mask. Now as properly dressed as he was going to be that morning, he headed out to make breakfast, his footsteps audible on the wooden hallway flooring.

 

The small house was almost always dark. A few candles dotted the living space, and he rarely left any lights on. He was thankful that he now had his own personal kitchen like he had when he was orphaned and left with his father’s house for a short time. Cooking always took his mind off of things. He usually tried new things, coming up with on-the-spot recipes to keep things interesting. He’d get bored of the same old thing every day.

 

Kakashi ate in silence, his chin propped in a hand, the fabric of his mask pulled down enough for him to eat. 

 

The used dishes were placed in the sink and promptly washed, set aside to dry. 

 

Sunlight was now seeping through the smallest of cracks in the blinds, warming the floor in its wake. The house appeared much more welcoming, yet it was still so quiet. Not even his ninken were there to bring a little bit of commotion.

 

Following routine he made for himself years and years ago, Kakashi went to the middle of the living room, easing himself down to sit. The shinobi spent some time exercising, waking his muscles up with crunches and push-ups, switching back and forth on his hands. He exerted his toned body enough until his arms ached. Once he was satisfied, he went to shower and got himself dressed in his usual attire, finishing it all up by tying his headband, bringing the left side down over his sharingan. 

 

Ready to start the day, the shinobi stepped outside, and already the village was bustling with commerce. Kakashi inhaled the crisp morning air, no one paying him any mind. It would be a nice day. Too bad he had nothing to do. Well, he supposed he could stock up on groceries if anything. Gloved hands finding their place in his pockets, Kakashi set off at a meandering pace, thoughts already wandering back to the night before.

 

\---

 


	3. Denial and Admittance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> god iruka you weak willed piece of shit why u so useless
> 
> ft SAKURA THATS NOT HOW YOU HOOK SOMEONE UP
> 
> also @ino im sorry if i did any injustice to your character i really do love you i swear

“Naruto, I need you to listen to me carefully,” came Sakura’s serious tone as she and the aforementioned blond strolled through the streets of the village.

 

Naruto was content, his belly full and his heart warm after spending time with Iruka-sensei, as he now walked alongside his teammate, arms folded behind his head. He’d met up with Sakura not long after departing from his visit to the graveyard, curious as to what she was waiting to tell him, but even more afraid for his overall health had he broken his promise and gotten an exceptionally strong punch to the arm as punishment.

 

“Uh-huh, uh-huh, I’m listening,” he nodded, eyebrows knit.

 

“And you have to promise to keep your mouth shut.”

 

“‘Kay. Not a problem. You know I keep my promises, Sakura-chan.”

 

Sakura took a moment to consider his words, finding assurance in his response. She couldn’t deny that.

“You mean Iruka-sensei likes Kakashi-sensei?!” Naruto blurted out, only for a swift hand to press itself firmly against his mouth, silencing him.

 

“What did I tell you?!” Sakura growled through gritted teeth, giving him a death glare. It didn’t last long, to Naruto’s relief, as Sakura glanced this way and that, praying that no one overheard. Thankfully, no one met her gaze, everyone else nearby too engrossed with their own business on such a nice day to even notice that the hero of the Leaf village was close by. “Come on.” She reletended on her best friend, her hand moving to drag him along after her by his orange jacket. The pink-haired kunoichi let go once she felt they were far enough away from the main crowd.

 

“You’re tellin’ me he LIKES him?” Naruto went on once he felt he was safe from Sakura’s wrath to talk.

 

Sakura turned to him, crossing her arms sternly.

 

“Yes. And there’s nothing wrong with that,” she said, swift to defend their former teacher.

 

“Whoever said there was? I just…” Naruto grumbled to himself, trying to fit the puzzle pieces together. “I never thought…”

 

\--

Iruka found himself plopped down on the park bench, the one he usually sought out when he had a great deal of thinking to do. His “thinking bench” as it were. In one hand he ran a thumb over the pair of tickets he had shoved into his pocket. The other hand habitually ran through his hair contemplatively.

 

The chuunin sighed. His spirits had been lifted exponentially by Naruto, but the night before still lingered on his mind. No matter what he did, he couldn’t shake the sensation of Kakashi’s hands in his. They had been dry, calloused, but there was an intoxicating level of warmth, just barely there...just that one spark to know that he was still very much real, very much there--

 

Iruka swallowed hard, taking his hand from his pocket, leaving the tickets to seek out something else. Hands cradled in one another, he went over the motions of last night.

 

Why was he becoming so...neurotic about the feeling of Kakashi’s hand? He groaned, sick of it already, closing his eyes to relive the events, trying to decipher the confused look on the man’s face as he--

 

“Sensei!” The bright chirp nearly had Iruka leap out of the bench, but he just let out a hushed yelp of alarm. He was met with a smiling Sakura, with Ino and HARUNKA in tow.

 

It took a minute for Iruka to find his voice, feeling as though he had been a kid caught with a dirty magazine, sweat already beading on his temple.

 

“Ah, Uh…Hello, ladies. H-how can I help you?” He managed, realizing with a bit of a blush that all three had become quite lovely while he wasn’t looking. The chuunin felt a bit older than he was, remembering back when they were all hip-height to him. His nervousness faded into a gentle pride, smiling softly back at the trio. They’d surely make wonderful wives to some lucky men one day. And if not, he could easily see Sakura becoming the next Tsunade. His train of thought trailed off, trying to remember if any of the Hokages had wives, before inwardly groaning -- of course. Konohamaru.

 

The blush soon returned with a vengeance as the girls sat down beside him, with Ino and Hinata to his right and Sakura to his left.

 

This...this bench wasn't meant for four people. Iruka felt a little overwhelmed by feminine perfume, and held his breath for a moment to keep himself together. He didn’t need to be thinking of anything silly now.

 

“So, Iruka-Sensei, Sakura told us you have a bit of a problem.” Ino began, a sly sneer forming on her lips.

 

The man swallowed dryly. This was worse than that stupid Jutsu Naruto had created when he was just a kid. And these women had clothes on. But all three staring at him with inquisitive eyes and smooshing into him made him feel as though he was about to be interrogated.

 

Oh shit! Couldn't Ino read thoughts? Iruka blinked hastily, glancing away as he forced images of daffodils and cats into his head. Those were perfectly normal. Fine. Sane. Even if she couldn't, it was just in case--

 

“Mr. Iruka?” Hinata’s dulcet tone broke him out of his panicked stupor. “Is everything alright? You seem…”

 

“Nervous.” Sakura forced back a grin, doing her best to sound very concerned.

 

The chuunin had had enough. With a sharp huff, he stood up, focusing intently on a tree behind the swingset, and not the fact Ino seemed a bit too...well, healthy to be wearing such a loosely tied kimono top. Amaterasu’s piss, he wanted slap himself upside the head.

 

“If I was having a problem, I could handle it by myself, thank you very much, ladies.” He did his best to speak firmly, but it was an active struggle.

 

Ino giggled, and Iruka closed his eyes tightly. Cats. Daffodils.

 

“Iruka-Sensei, please let us help.” Hinata urged gently, getting to her feet to reach out a tentative hand to touch his arm. The man relaxed slightly. “Sakura-chan is really worried about you.”

 

Iruka heaved a muffled groan into his hand, and shook his head.

 

“If you want to talk, certainly. But not out here. Someplace a little more...discreet, would be more ideal.” The chuunin, having regained the better portion of his dignity, gave the trio a reprimanding glare. So much for women maturing before men, the way they were messing with him.

 

Although Hinata...he softened his gaze at her. She was too kind and innocent a soul to want to tease her old homeroom sensei. He always had a very soft spot for the girl. Hardworking and gentle, her qualities were a rare sight to see in Konoha.

 

The small party made their way to a quieter part of town, mostly home to the elderly. There they found a small park-like area, littered with trees and flowers in bloom. Iruka was quick to start walking the well worn path, not wanting to get suffocated sitting down again.

 

“I get the feeling that no matter what I say, you three will heckle me until you get an answer that makes you happy, true or not.” The man said a bit sourly.

 

“Not heckle, Sensei. Help.” Sakura pleaded.

 

“Of course. With what problem? I don’t have any.” He swallowed back a submissive smile at the boldfaced lie.

 

“Oh, c’mon, Iruka!” Ino teased playfully, “You can’t keep love problems from us! We’re very perceptive you know.”

 

Iruka gulped.

Cats. Daffodils.

 

“L-love problems?” He hissed, scanning the area for people within earshot as they continued to walk. Thankfully, most old people were hard of hearing, so it wasn't too big a concern.

 

“I wanted to wait a few days,” Sakura went on to explain, “But you seemed so...well, what I’m trying to say is…” She screwed up her face momentarily, “I happened to see you the other night, and you acted just like Naruto when he was a kid, running off like that.”

 

Iruka’s heart plummeted straight into his shoes. He let out a strangled cough of sorts before clearing his throat.

 

“R-running off l-like w-what?” His voice shook, a weak smile plastered to his lips. Definitely felt like he’d been caught with a dirty magazine now, though that was nowhere near the case.

 

“You should be honest about your feelings, Sensei.” Sakura huffed, hand on her hip as she slowed to a halt. “Kakashi is as oblivious as Naruto sometimes. If you like him, you should be more upfront!”

 

The brief urge to just grab the pink haired girl and shake her and yell “THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS” crossed his mind, but it was hurriedly stifled.

 

Ino piped up before he could argue, however.

 

“No, you need to be subtle and romantic. Leave him poetic notes on his window or send him his favorite flower.” The blonde shot Sakura a sneer. “Get him interested, then sweep him off his feet!”

 

“Ino, he’s blind as hell when it comes to these things, he wouldn't notice Iruka if he punched him in the face with roses and chocolates.”

 

“L-ladies, p-please--” Iruka gurgled helplessly as the pair began to fight.

 

Hinata’s palm gently cupped his arm, startling him. He looked down, and sighed, letting his shoulders fall.

 

“Mr. Iruka, I think it’s best you get to know Kakashi-sensei better before getting him flowers, or saying how you feel.” She murmured, “Just watch and wait. You’ll know if he feels the same if he wants to be around you as much as you do him.”

 

Iruka’s ears turned red. He nodded.

 

“Hinata.” He whispered back, “Thank you, but…”

 

The chuunin was about to open his mouth to say something along the lines of “I'm still unsure how I feel about all of this” when the quarreling girls turned back to look at him, determination in their eyes.

 

“Listen, girls.” He began, doing his best to sound confident, “If you think I suffer from unrequited feelings for Kakashi-sensei, I’m afraid I’ll have to burst your soap opera bubble.”

 

Sakura wasn’t buying it. He could tell right away.

 

“Sensei…” She crossed her arms. “Stop lying. You’ll only regret it--”

 

Iruka suddenly bristled.

 

“Sakura. I’m a grown man. I can handle any problem I have, and none of them are caliginous feelings towards your Sensei.” His brows knit. He could be teased, fooled with, even strung along, but at his core, he was as stubborn as a mule. He wasn't about to have his own student tell him what he would regret or not.

 

Ino seemed stumped by the new word, but took a similar stance to her classmate.

 

“If you’re worried about him being a man, you shouldn’t, not everyone is--” But Iruka didnt even let her finish.

 

“Enough!” He barked, bushy ponytail bristling like a bottlebrush. “No more about your childish fantasies! You’re both being incredibly rude!”

 

Ino seemed detered, but Sakura just stomped her foot, digging in as hard as he was.

 

“We just want to help!” The kunoichi’s voice rose.

 

“You’re doing a damn poor job at it.” Iruka snapped, “Don’t assume anything about my affections. For all you know, I could have feelings for someone else, but you’re too nosy for your own good to consider otherwise!”

 

Sakura blinked, a bit hurt, but that only made her more frustrated.

 

“Who could you possibly care about more than him?” She shot back, a defensive anger creeping up her arms. She just wanted Iruka to be happy. Why wasn’t he opening up? Why was he so combative about this?

 

Iruka was desperate. He said the first name that came to his mind. Someone who he did truly care about.

 

“Tsubaki!”

 

The kunoichi all stood in shock.

 

“There. Are you happy now?” Iruka felt hot tears sting at his eyes. This was beyond ridiculous. “Get out of my sight.” He growled, his heart already hurting at the injured expressions before him. But they all obeyed, Hinata lingering the longest, sympathetic tears in her mirror eyes. Love was never meant to be forced. Sakura had good intentions, but the execution was just cruel.

 

Iruka took a few staggering steps toward the nearest tree and crumpled to his knees before slumping back to lean on the trunk. Head buried in his hands, he let his chest be racked by a few silent, dry sobs.

 

Now he was even more confused. He did care deeply for Tsubaki, a childhood friend of his and a lover of Mizuki, the man who had betrayed him so brutally. Though he had forgiven him after all these years, he made sure to visit Tsubaki often, keeping in touch even after the first few months of her grieving the loss of her fiance.

 

And there was no denying her kindness and comely appearance.

 

Iruka was generally a man who looked for personality first in a woman, rather than outward attractiveness. Sure, someone like Anko was very easy on the eyes by his preferences, but he felt just as uneasy around her when she demonstrated just how lethal her ninja skills were.

 

Tsubaki was tender and loving, empathic and nurturing...so why did he hold back? It had been years since Mizuki had seen sunlight. Why didn't he just...pursue her in earnest? Why was he holding back?

 

He dwelled for a long time on her face, her hands, how they taught him simple things on her little homestead. Carrying wandering chickens and slicing turnips, the summer a few years back when he helped her till, rewarded with laughter and a glass of ice cold tea when her pet boar knocked him clean on his back in the middle of it all. She’d even seen to it that he rest as she patched him up afterwards.

 

Iruka was pleasantly lost in his memories of Tsubaki, heart aching in a simple sort of way.

 

But…

 

Scarred, gloved hands kept replacing her tender, open palms the more he focused on them.

 

Kakashi.

 

If he was truly honest, he had no intrigue for the mysterious history of the man. Just pity for the hardships he suffered, and the scars he kept buried deep within him.

 

That wasn’t what drew the chuunin to the jonin.

 

It was his unwavering loyalty. Devotion. To his village, his hokage, his students, his teammates. Of all the nin who had traumatic pasts, Kakashi worked hard to rectify his sins, to strive for the safety of his comrades, even at his own expense.

 

What little Iruka remembered of Lord Fourth, he saw in Kakashi when the jonin looked at his students. There was a man who knew what love was, what loss was, but only let the former consume him.

 

Aaaaand, Iruka had to admit, he was stupidly attractive. Maybe just stupid. He was stupid. Sakura was right, Kakashi was just dumb, a complete and utter idiot--just like him. He groaned aloud, lifting his head from his hands.

 

This wasn’t right. Men were supposed to chase women. To court them, marry them, have a family, and make a respectable name out of it all. He could understand Tsunade, how she was...a bit different. But she was Hokage. She could do as she pleased, with whoever she pleased.

 

But him? No, he should stick to the status quo. He wasn't anyone special, anyway. His purpose was to care for the next generation, not worry about his own.

 

Still caught up in his thoughts, he didn’t realize the Jonin standing there, until the man’s face was inches from his.

 

Kakashi raised a brow as Iruka bleated in alarm, banging his head against the tree trunk as he tried to scramble away from the man squatting down in front of him.

 

With a pained whine, the chuunin rubbed at the sore spot, eyes watering.

 

“I was almost worried you’d left the village, the way you bolted last night.” Kakashi forced a laugh into his obviously concerned voice.

 

Iruka sighed, slumping again.

 

“I’m...so sorry for all of that.” He confessed quietly. “I had a lot...going on, and I didn’t…” a hard swallow, “I couldn’t...really talk about it.”

 

Kakashi shrugged in understanding.

 

“I get it. But what’s up? You’re acting like Naruto did when he had to go take a written exam, and I had to hound his ass to get to class.” Kakashi snorted fondly. WORST WORD COMBO “You don’t usually...act like this.”

 

Iruka couldn’t meet his gaze.

 

“Hell, last time you were like this, Lord Third had handed you Naruto’s baggage on a silver platter and asked you to babysit the brat.”

 

Iruka could feel Kakashi’s breath on him, the sensation alone sending shivers down his spine.

 

“...If that’s the case, may I have your advice again, Kakashi-sensei?”

 

The jonin frowned slightly. What an oddly submissive tone the chuunin had taken. Taking note, he listened closely.

 

“...I have a problem.” Iruka admitted slowly, “There’s a person I’ve been meaning to spend a lot of time with...but I’m unsure if they even want me around to begin with.” He caught grey eye for a split second before shakily continuing. “Sometimes I feel like I help children with their problems so often, that when I have something more,” A pause, as he chuckled bashfully, “grown-up to deal with...I get stuck.”

 

“How should I tell someone I…” Iruka fought like hell to keep talking, but it was as if someone had stolen his voice right out of his throat.

 

How should I tell someone, someone who isn’t a woman, that he means the world to me, in more ways than I’m willing to admit? How do I tell another man that? I can’t. It’s simply impossible. 

 

\---

 

Kakashi originally didn't have any plans that day. Just a few chores and nothing more, a nice stroll through the village with a well-loved book in hand.

 

As usual, though, things never remained quiet for too long.

 

The silver-haired shinobi had crossed paths not long ago with Sakura, Ino, and Hinata, all of which seemed quite frustrated - save for the latter of the girls, who was always worrying instead. He happened to look up from his book when they caught his eye, and Sakura was quick to fall into line beside him, ranting on before he had any idea what she was going on about. Then, they explained, just a bit, that they had tried to help Iruka with something. When he heard them tell him how rather angrily he acted, he couldn't help but feel a little concerned.

 

Iruka could get impatient with unruly students, but never downright livid. Not to mention how strangely he had acted with him the night prior. There was definitely something going on, now without any ounce of a doubt, and Kakashi figured he could have a word with him. What could it hurt? The chūnin had readily opened up to him in the past about his troubles. And while this time it was certainly something he probably wouldn't get a detailed answer to, Kakashi was more than willing to find out if there was anything he could do to help.

 

After bidding farewell to his student and her friends, Kakashi set off to find Iruka, who couldn't be too far away.

 

Sure enough, after a little bit of strolling down the dirt paths of the village, he came across the man, sitting against a knobbly tree. The light peeking through the leaves overhead of him danced on his downturned face, soft golden light on his sun-kissed cheeks and his dark brown hair turned bronze in the light.

 

Even after so many years, Iruka would never get used to how up-close and personal Kakashi could be, sneakily invading someone’s privacy when they least expected it.

 

He watched as Kakashi moved to join him, once more taking a spot beside him, the grass brushing their ankles.

 

“What’s the lucky lady’s name, eh?” Kakashi smiled playfully, and Iruka could hear the genuinity in his smooth voice. It always caught him off guard just how sincere the shinobi - known for being a remorseless killer in battle - could be when he wanted to be. He was two completely different people when he thought about it; a secretive yet friendly and admirable face in the village, a lazy smile hidden behind his mask when someone took the time to talk to him, and an oddly dorky side that few knew of. Nothing like the man he was when he was out on a mission.

 

Iruka didn’t like how inquisitive the jōnin sounded - he was talking about him after all. This wasn’t helping.

 

“Ah, uh, it’s...an old friend,” he just admitted half-heartedly, a shaky chuckle escaping him. An old friend. Good, that could have been anyone. Certainly not the man Iruka was sitting next to at that exact moment. “I’ve known them for some time, and...they mean more to me than I thought until now. I want more between us, but, I’m afraid I might ruin everything because of this.”

 

Kakashi shifted, the sound of his arm brushing against his jacket distracting Iruka, scratching idly at the tip of his nose with a finger.

 

“Hm, that’s quite the dilemma,” Kakashi remarked as his hand dropped back down to his side.

 

“You’re telling me…” Iruka sighed deeply, mostly to himself. A thought then occurred to the chūnin, and he perked up in his place, looking back at the other man. “Have you...have you ever been stumped like this over someone?”

 

Kakashi regarded the brunet with a thoughtful glance, studying his eyes before gazing back ahead.

 

“No. Can’t say I have.” The silver-haired shinobi merely shrugged his shoulders. “Never really thought about it.”

 

Part of Iruka was disappointed at that answer, but more surprised than anything.

 

“R-really? But, you have so many admirers…! I’m sure you’d have women lining up to spend even a dinner date with you,” Iruka voiced, incredulous. He’d seen it plenty of times, groups of women gathering to fawn over the masked shinobi, all probably more curious as to what hid behind the mask than anything.

 

“Well, I’ve actually...never seen a woman that’s caught my eye,” Kakashi confessed, choosing his words carefully, and it was his turn to let out a nervous chuckle. He’d never admitted such a thing to anyone.

 

Of course, there’d been a few interested in him that had tried to pick him up, but the jōnin had politely turned them all down every time. He’d humor them when he was in the mood, answering their numerous questions and even allowing them to hang from his arm, giggling to themselves while he managed to ignore them and their advances. He never had any issue detering those that got a bit too bold, round faces flushed from too many shots of saké, the burning scent evident on their close breath.

 

Anytime that happened, he’d end up home alone, as usual. None ever got more than a few words of acknowledgement before he was gone.

 

Iruka didn’t realize how blatantly he was staring at his friend until he noticed Kakashi glance at him, his eye flicking away just as quickly, and even a blush creeping onto his cheeks. Jolting once he caught himself so RUDELy gaping at the jōnin, Iruka tore his eyes away, clearing his throat and twiddling his thumbs, his own face flushing an even deeper shade than Kakashi’s.

 

Did he mean…?

 

“I-I see…” Iruka said, but forced the notion away. No, no. Of course that’s not what Kakashi had meant. Surely, he just didn’t have the time to consider settling down, and therefore never tried to hook up with a woman. Maybe he just hadn’t come across the right one yet.

 

An uncomfortable silence fell between them, both aware of the hue painting the other’s cheeks.

 

Passerby proved to be enough distraction for the both of them, and Iruka finally mustered enough courage after a moment to look at the other man again, Kakashi’s profile filling the corners of his eyes before he stared down at his folded hands, thumbs nervously rubbing together.

 

“You know,” Kakashi broke the silence, and Iruka immediately focused on his low voice, trying to ignore just how close it was to his ear. “I may not have much, well, personal experience. But if there’s one thing Icha Icha taught me--”

 

“I cannot believe you’re seriously using those damned books for ‘advice,’” Iruka interjected with a displeased groan, fixing Kakashi with a glare to rival that of a snake.

 

The man visibly shrunk under the chūnin’s scowl, raising his hands up in defense.

 

“Heh-heh, w-well, if you’d just give it a chance…” Kakashi mumbled as a light pink dusted his cheeks once again.

 

Iruka just heaved an exasperated sigh, shaking his head.

 

“You’re impossible.”

 

Kakashi prepared himself for an infamous Iruka lecture, half-expecting his friend to chew his ear off - and, really, he probably deserved it - when Iruka began snickering instead, his glare replaced by eyes alight with laughter. And, when Kakashi happened to look deeper into those warm, inviting eyes, he was struck by the fondness radiating from their vivid centers.

 

The moment seeming to freeze in time, the shinobi felt pinned to the spot by those eyes, and for once, he didn't mind it. Not at all. This wasn’t anything like having a group of admirers staring at him as if he were some sort of celebrity. Like he wasn't an ordinary person - well, okay, that was a stretch.

 

No.

 

This was something solely theirs. Where prying eyes could only wonder as to what was going on in the small space between them.

 

Kakashi wasn’t sure what the hell any of that was supposed to mean, or why he only just then noticed the light freckles scattered across Iruka’s cheeks - has he always had those? But the thought escaped him before he could try to figure out the peculiar feeling surfacing in his chest just as soon as Iruka shifted, those kind eyes glancing away from his.

 

“Er...anyway, forget about that. I was wondering,” Iruka's voice was what fully knocked Kakashi out of his stupor, and he silently watched the chūnin reach up to brush back a stray hair from his forehead. “If you, um, had any free time today?” The man fiddled with the hem of his shirt, now seemingly too shy to look at Kakashi again. “I've been wanting to do some training, ever since…” He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence. “And, I think it might help me take my mind off things, if even for a little bit.”

 

Blinking, Kakashi hummed, a short, husky sound in his throat, smiling at the man beside him.

 

“I can't remember the last time we spared together, Iruka-sensei.”


	4. The First Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT YOU STUPID GAY BASTARDS 
> 
> also god iruka stop crying for fucks sake 
> 
> it starts off cute and then you wind up blasting linkin park by the end of it, thats how it goes my friends enjoy
> 
> NOTES! AT BOTTOM!!

Iruka huffed as he got to his feet, knees a bit tingly from sitting so tense for so long, and rubbed at the scar along the bridge of his nose. 

 

“I know. You never really see the years go by once you stop being a kid.” He smiled, a twinge of nostalgia in his voice. “And I’m not going to tell you to go easy on me, but let’s keep ninjutsu to a minimum.” The smile turned carefree. “This place is too pretty to do any damage to.” A short pause, followed by his ‘sensei’ voice, “Unless you’re willing to clean up any messes you make.” 

 

Kakashi turned basset hound eyes on the man, head already sinking between his shoulders. 

 

“Only if you promise to keep it lecture free, Sensei.” He teased back, hand on his hip as it was Iruka’s moment to get embarrassed. “I’m not a genin anymore.” 

 

They took their stances, a few yards apart. Kakashi’s posture was slack, one hand in his pocket. Iruka, on the other hand, was stiff and concentrated, once bright eyes now dark with determination.

 

“What’re the terms?” The Jonin drawled, looking over his nails. Shit, he broke one earlier. He began to pick at it mindlessly. “Tag, you’re out?”

 

Iruka shook his head. “No, there’s no fun in that. Either a verbal surrender, or a three-count.” A spark flickered in amber eyes and he grinned. “I may not have made chuunin as early as you, but I’ve taught more kids than you can count. I know nearly every trick in the book.” 

 

Kakashi mirrored the grin. “I look forward to seeing them.” It was a swift snap of the stance, and the jonin was in position. 

 

It started off slow at first, with each ninja trading punches for kicks, warming up their muscles as common courtesy, Iruka working towards the offensive. He knew Kakashi was more than content to watch his opponent for as long as he was allowed, developing complex strategies for every possible situation. 

 

But Iruka was patient as well, letting his peripherals take care of the muscle memory of blocking and striking, his pupils focused intently on Kakashi’s. What was the Jonīn thinking? 

 

“One last thing. No weapons.” Iruka sidestepped to slip under an arm thrust, dropping his hip pouch on the ground to disarm. “I don’t care how accurate you are, it’s too risky.”

 

“Agreed.” Kakashi shrugged between blocks, dropping his own. “But can we get to the part where I win?” He teased, weaving around to jab Iruka’s side, making him jerk away. Ticklish? Well, shit, that’d be an interesting way to get him to cry “uncle.” He considered it. 

 

The chuunin had his own plan. It would work well in a formal fight, but not so much life or death, so this would be a good chance to try it out. 

 

“I’ll sweeten the deal.” Iruka spoke confidently, switching his footing suddenly, an odd grace about his movements as the two men began to circle each other while trading blows. He pulled out the pair of tickets in his pocket and waved them in Kakashi’s face. “I happened on a couple tickets for the springs. Beat me, and they’re yours.” 

 

“Oh hell yeah.” Kakashi’s eye lit up, and he went to snag one, but was deterred by a harsh flick to the nose. “Alright, alright! Deal.”

 

Now the fight began in earnest, Iruka doing his best to keep Kakashi in as close quarters as possible, knowing they were limited to a small battlefield, pushing and herding him with minute strikes, watching him just as closely as the jonin did him. He soon got into the rhythm, and the elder grew alarmed at how fast the younger was, not in quick feints, but almost catlike movements, weaving in and out, even on the defensive he simply bided his time. 

 

It wasn’t until Kakashi grew impatient, a rarity for the experienced ninja, that he understood just how hard Iruka could indirectly hit. He rushed him from behind, readying a powerful strike behind his shoulders, when Iruka suddenly ducked and flipped forward, kicking out. He caught the shinobi in the solar plexus, using the momentum generated from the attempted strike to keep him going, knocking him into grass -- only for a moment of course, as Kakashi rolled back to his feet. He wasn’t winded, just stunned at how quick Iruka was. 

 

Shit. He’d underestimated him. 

 

But what was he doing? He narrowed his eye as they made contact again, watching the man’s movements. It seemed to be in his feet. They moved in a pattern. 1, 2, 3...again, 1...2-3. And when Kakashi thrust with his right, Iruka was nearly flush to his chest to deflect it, glaring defiantly up at him. This was insanely close combat. What the hell was he doing? Didn’t he realize if the jonin really wanted to, point blank ninjutsu would knock him out cold? Was this intimidation? 

 

But there it was again. 1. 2-3. It was damn near hypnotic, and Iruka had loosened up considerably, easily dodging the basic taijutsu, eyes never wavering. 

 

Kakashi began to sweat, confused. Frustrated, but he wouldn’t let the feeling edge him if it was the last thing he did. 

 

And then, all of a sudden, the grace was gone, and Iruka leapt back, signing rapidly. Puffs of smoke faded into a dozen shadow clones. 

 

Iruka grinned from the tree branch. 

 

“Have fun thinking all your battles. I’d rather have fun fighting mine.” He crowed. This was his chance to show Kakashi what he had learned. What you couldn’t learn in the field. 

 

The clones seemed to be everywhere at once, taunting him, but never making contact or even trying to. Kakashi relaxed, his nerve still a bit on edge, but watched with a calm eye. 

 

“You know I can tell which one is the real one, right?” The Jonin cocked his head, chuckling. “I expected a little more than this from a chuunin.” 

 

Iruka just grinned from the tree branch on which he sat. “Loosen up. It’s just a game.”

 

Kakashi scowled, and cautiously eyed the clones, who all sat from neighboring branches. 

 

“You act so uptight, like you’re going to let your past ruin your future.” One clone sprung from the foliage to strike, only to be POOFED by a lightning kick, which swung around to catch the second clone who had snuck behind him. “You forgot what it means to learn, Sensei.” A third appeared from above him, and was taken care of as just as quickly. 

 

“You’re a damn lot of talk for a chuunin who’s done nothing but dance around for half an hour.” Kakashi growled, fending off the next three clones. 

 

“Then why haven’t you just used your speed to win?” Iruka shrugged, and leaned back on the branch, letting himself fall into an upside down hanging position. He grinned, cheeks rosy. “You’re not going easy on me, are you?”

 

“No. Just trying to figure your bullshit out.” Kakashi groaned, dispersing a few more clones with ease. 

 

“Good luck.” Iruka giggled, and dropped from the branch to land on his feet. “You’re too focused on problem solving. You never let your weakness be your strength, so your strengths will be your downfall.” 

 

“What did I say about the lecture?” Kakashi grumbled, bristling a bit. This was getting on his nerves. He’d end this quick, get those tickets, and then go melt in a hot bath. 

 

“I can’t help it!” Iruka laughed, walking casually up to the jonin. “I’ve been doing it so long, it’s in my blood. But I’d think you, of all people, would understand what I’m doing, and not just because you’re some sort of master strategist.” 

 

Kakashi frowned. Now...now what? Was he forfeiting? Why was he just...nonchalantly striding up to--

 

Iruka didn’t stop at a reasonable distance. 

 

He didn't even stop at a respectable one. 

 

No. His face was mere inches from his now, if that, tipped up to meet him, amber eyes dark and beckoning, his breath on his lips. 

 

“Because you train the most unpredictable creatures on earth. Things so full of love and devotion, but at the same time capable of such cruel acts, enough to make your stomach turn.” 

 

Kakashi felt every hair on his body rise, face bright red as Iruka leaned in, only to feel pressure on all sides of him. He heard the hands signing, but his knees had locked. 

 

“Art of Eros!” 

 

The Jonin stumbled back, chills shivering through his entire body, eye darting around as his blood pressure skyrocketed.

 

Was this genjutsu? Fuck, he prayed it was. 

 

He was surrounded on three sides by Iruka himself, wearing what must have been absolutely nothing but a  _ very _ loosely tied kimono, tanned hands reaching, caressing him, and--oh, shit! He felt lips against the back of his neck, like a chidori right to his goddamn spine. 

 

“Are you f-fucking kidding me?” He stammered, tasting blood on his upper lip. 

 

“You’ll have to tell me what you see, because this jutsu uses the mind of the user to take form.” The Iruka in front of him spoke, but Kakashi had absolutely no time to gather his thoughts, as the warm and inviting brown eyes suddenly flashed with a dark light, and he was thrown into another cold shock. Still, he could hear the hands move again. 

 

“String-Light Jutsu!” 

 

Kakashi felt his body stiffen, but the adrenaline was already coursing like hell. He stared down Iruka, who now seemed to be regaining his usual chuunin uniform as the transformation jutsu faded. 

 

“I’m sorry. But you won’t learn otherwise.” He murmured. 

 

“Magen: Narakumi no Jutsu!”

 

In a dizzying rush, the forest around him faded into pitch black. 

 

Genjutsu. So long as he kept this in mind--

 

But it was what he saw in front of him that shot daggers of betrayal through his heart. 

 

The tatami mats. The sliding door ajar, moonlight flooding into the room, illuminating threads soaked with blood, a dark figure laying motionless. Silver hair shone in the night. 

 

He’d survived tsukuyomi. He could get through this. It was just--

 

He stepped forward. Something seemed wrong. 

 

Very wrong. 

 

He reached out as he felt his knees buckle. He felt small again, but different. His hands weren’t as pale, nails chewed to the quick…

 

Fingers tugged at the shoulder of the body. 

 

It fell like a stoned bird into his lap. 

 

His throat ran dry, blood cold, vision blurring as the breath was torn from his lungs. 

 

A sword protruded from the heart of his own body. This was not his father. This was him. 

 

And the reflection in the steel…

 

Blond hair, blue eyes--

 

“NO!” 

 

Kakashi violently ripped himself out of the illusion, lashing out in a blind rage. 

 

He felt his electrified hand make contact, and the resulting pained gasp snapped him out of it. 

 

Iruka clutched at his stomach, eyes still determined, ever fixed on his elder, despite the pain. 

 

“You know how cruel children can be. You know first hand the love and hate they are capable of. It’s pure, unadulterated. I want you to come at me as a child, like I have you. It’s up to you if it’s all just a game. So long as you learn to stop underestimating the ones below you.” 

 

“Enough lectures!” Kakashi barked. 

 

“Then shut me up!” Iruka shot back. If this Jonin thought, like the older generation, that children’s potential could only be seen when they were put to the blade, he would do everything in his power to give him a taste of his own medicine. 

 

He just hoped his sealing barrier would last long enough for him to strike as many chakra points as he could to neutralize him. 

 

Iruka knew this was cruel, but if he couldn’t get Kakashi to come at him full force...if something happened to Konoha again...he wouldn’t be strong enough to defend the children. He NEEDED to grow stronger. Not at the expense of others, which he knew he’d regret, but...part of him didn’t want to die a chuunin. He couldn't let his more advanced skills rust in lieu of the basic ones he taught every day. 

 

He never wanted to take advantage of someone’s kindness. He knew all too well what that felt like. 

 

But…

 

He needed Kakashi. Needed him to show him just how badly he needed  _ this _ .

 

Iruka steeled himself as a silent fury shone in Kakashi’s eye, not needing a sharingan to know pain was in his future. His conscience already ached, sensing the man had seen something truly terrible in the illusion. He’d do his best to comfort him afterwards, apologize--

 

The second Kakashi saw Iruka’s eyes soften with tears and his stance falter, he struck. 

 

\---

 

With nothing more than a disturbance in the wind, Kakashi broke free from the clutches of his friend's barrier, putting far enough distance from the reach of his String Light formation.

 

Admittedly, he did go in underestimating the chūnin. He knew of the man’s prowess with genjutsu and sealing techniques, but he’d never been on the receiving end of his abilities. He wasn’t sure exactly what he had expected, and so he had gone in blind.

 

But now, he had a refresher on Iruka’s abilities.

 

He was done playing games and biding his time. He'd seen enough. Now it was time for his offensive. 

 

Iruka barely had time to register, snapping to attention just in time to avoid a fist that almost grazed his cheek, ducking and dodging from an onslaught of attacks. The chūnin’s expression hardened, every ounce of concentration put into evading and blocking the jōnin’s relentless assault. He threw punches when he could, but Kakashi was always a moment faster, and Iruka was getting nowhere. 

 

As soon as he had the chance, he took a backwards flip, distancing himself from Kakashi. Iruka was starting to pant, finally getting what he had intended from this. But Kakashi did not heed his request.

 

Kakashi was not facing him as a child. No. There was no hatred in his actions, no emotion spurring him on. He was cold and calculating, and ultimately unfeeling.

 

He was an animal.

 

The man eyed him from the small distance between them, hardly out of breath from what Iruka could tell. He wondered if this was what his previous adversaries last saw, what they last felt. Pinned to the spot by a deathly stare, the form before them bearing resemblance to that of a lone, pale wolf, sizing them up before it lunged. The adrenaline coursing through them just before their hearts froze in the final moment, fear overtaking them before the wolf took their lives.

 

Iruka scoffed to himself.

 

“Is that all you’ve got?! You still haven’t hit me!” he jeered, preparing to form another jutsu.

 

A resounding noise beneath his feet reached his ears just a moment before the ground split and hands grasped him by the ankles, pulling his feet out from underneath him and sending him crashing squarely onto his shoulders. The chūnin didn’t take much time to focus on his smarting shoulder, for he rolled out of the way the instant a foot came crashing down towards his chest, continuing his momentum when Kakashi’s clone joined and went in for another strike. Iruka swung his legs, carrying the rest of his body up for him to land on his feet. 

 

He had no idea when Kakashi had summoned that clone, hell, for all he knew, it could have been waiting underground ever since the beginning. 

 

In unison, the two rushed at him, almost too quick for Iruka to keep track of. One dove for him, and he managed to duck, swinging a leg out to sweep underneath the other once he was upon him. Kakashi easily dodged, jumping just as Iruka’s leg was about to make contact and spun midair, kicking out with force. His foot whizzed past Iruka’s head, who narrowly reacted in time, feeling the heel of Kakashi’s sandal tug at the end of his ponytail. 

 

With a grunt, Iruka lashed out, making contact with one of the Kakashi’s back, and he disappeared in a puff. The clone. Now he could focus on the real one.

 

The two exchanged several more throws, matching each other in speed and wit before they broke away from each other. If they kept this up, they’d be at it all day.

 

“It's time to finish this,” Kakashi growled under his breath, eye blazing with a contained fury.

 

Iruka could only stand and watch as the jōnin swiped his headband upwards, unveiling his scarred eye, an unsettling breeze passing through the air. 

 

Kakashi opened his eye, and Iruka felt a chill run down his spine.

 

He knew this was only a spar, yet those ruby eyes were enough to unnerve even the most experienced of shinobi. 

 

Red enough to rival the blood-hungry eyes of the kyuubi on that fateful night, that bore into his mind more nights than he wished.

 

Iruka realized his hesitation too late, and Kakashi took his opportunity.

 

Crimson eye flashing with intent, his body moving in fluid, fast as lightning motion, the jōnin’s hands formed one single seal, and Iruka’s eyes widened. Desperation clear on his face, he frantically wracked his mind for an escape in the mere second he had left.

 

Kakashi narrowed his eye, locked on to his target - too little, too late.

 

“ _ One Thousand Years of Death _ …!”

 

And struck.

 

Iruka was sent flying, howling as he soared through the air like a downed bird before crashing to the ground yards away. Kakashi held his pose, not needing to look to know he had dealt the killing blow. The chūnin's pained groan from where he lay was all the confirmation he needed.

 

After a moment, the silver-haired shinobi straightened, his hands falling to his sides as he gauged the outcome. Wordlessly, the man covered up his sharingan and slid his hands into his pockets, the exertion catching up to him. He took a moment before approaching Iruka’s motionless form sprawled out on the grass, crouching down beside him to assess the damage.

 

“That shut you up,” he observed as his eyes scanned the chūnin’s face, dark eyes glowering back at him. Iruka wallowed in his indignity, but he accepted Kakashi’s hand when he offered to help him up, pulling himself up onto his knees. 

 

Iruka rubbed at his head, knowing a headache was near in his future.

 

“Are you okay?” Kakashi dipped his head to catch his eye, and Iruka gave a nod in response.

 

“I’m fine.” Iruka did his best to ignore the small group of people that had gathered a ways off after hearing the commotion. Thankfully, they didn’t stick around much longer now that the two were just recuperating. He tried not to feel too ashamed over the fact that the few people there had witnessed him lose the fight from getting poked IN THE ASS. “Here, you earned these.” Digging the hot spring passes out of his pocket, he pressed them into the other man’s hand, who didn’t pay them much mind, more focused on his friend.

 

“You’re quite the formidable foe, Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi went on, placing a friendly hand on the younger’s back. “You had me back there.”

 

Iruka took the compliment, but he felt terrible. A frown formed on his face. The guilt was settling heavily in his stomach. He couldn’t imagine what Kakashi saw as a result of the genjutsu.

 

“Kakashi, I--” he started, voice small, an apology at the back of his throat. 

 

“I don’t know about you,” Kakashi continued with a cheery tone, not giving Iruka a chance to finish, perhaps not hearing him, “but I’ve worked up an appetite. How about some grub, eh? My treat.”

 

It was hard to tell, but even despite Kakashi’s lighthearted voice, Iruka was certain he was being guarded, putting up a front. He wasn’t sure if he was mad, or worse. But whatever it was he felt, the chūnin understood that he more than likely did not wish to speak about it.

 

Deciding he’d apologize later, Iruka swallowed his remorse. He looked to Kakashi’s face, easily forgetting about it as soon as he looked into the gray eye, a lax smile evident from the slight crinkles at the corners.

 

“S-sure…! I, I’d like that,” he agreed, wishing he could feel the man’s warm palm against his skin. He wished he would give him a chance to ask for his forgiveness, wish he could take him into his arms and just stay there a moment. 

 

He wished he could ask of these things. Part of him knew he wasn’t allowed to.

 

Kakashi’s smile grew, and he readily helped Iruka to his feet. 

 

“Thank you, Kakashi-sensei,” Iruka breathed his name, hoping it wasn’t too obvious how much he was leaning into the other man’s arm, relishing in his closeness for as long as he could. His face was no more than a few inches away from his.

 

That perpetual bedroom eye would be the death of him.

 

Humming in response, Kakashi made sure Iruka was steady enough before letting go, fingers grazing the sleeve of his shirt. 

 

“What are you thanking me for? For sparring with you?” The jōnin gave Iruka a look, quirking his eyebrow. The way the younger stared at him was answer enough, and Kakashi chuckled lightly. “No, thank you.”

 

“For what?” Iruka was finding it difficult to look away.

 

“For showing me what you’re capable of.”

 

The chūnin felt the heat rise to his cheeks just at the sound of his smooth voice, soft and grounding, and he was afraid his knees would give out on him right then and there. Fuck. If it weren’t for the pounding of his blood in his own ears, he would’ve sworn he had died and gone to Heaven. BECAUSE HES CHRISTIAN 

 

Kakashi stared at Iruka numbly standing there, a knowing feeling spreading in his chest. The shinobi couldn’t pinpoint what exactly it was, but he didn’t mind. For once, he didn’t mind being a little clueless. Strange, how he only ever felt so nowadays, just in the past few days with Iruka.

 

“Come on, let’s go,” he urged after a second or two, ushering Iruka back to the streets of the village.

 

\---

 

Iruka gave Kakashi a weak grin, before realizing a few steps in that walking was going to be a pain. 

 

“...Did you... _ have _ to use that technique?” He groaned, but he couldn’t stop a giggle slipping out, “I know I told you to come at me like a child but...I figured you wouldn’t be so...haha...immature.” The chunnin’s face was lit up by a open mouthed smile as he laughed louder and louder, until he was keeled over. 

 

Kakashi’s eye widened, chest tight at the sound, the behavior so...Naruto-like, it caught him off guard. But the laughter soon took an unexpected turn, and at the first sob, the Jonin’s hands instinctively shot out to hold the young man’s shoulders. 

 

Iruka managed to shakily stand up straight, a smile still on his lips, albeit broken, tears streaming down his face.

 

“I...I w-was so s-scared...when you...showed y-your sh-sh-sharingan, b-but…” His voice cracked and his teeth chattered around the words, eyes squinched shut, the smile tight from crying, but still very genuine, “You didn’t actually...h-hurt me.” 

 

It was as if he had flicked open a latch, broke a lock, pulled out all stops, and he nearly went limp as he let out a long, shaky sigh, knees quivering.

 

“Th-thank you. For sh-showing me I’ve still g-got a ways t-to go.” Iruka rubbed his messy face on his sleeve, his bottom lip trembling even though he couldn’t stop smiling. 

 

Kakashi couldn’t feel his legs. Everything from the waist down had gone numb, the only thing he felt was an overpowering ache. It was just like Naruto. Such raw emotion, but such gratitude as well. He felt a lump in his throat, but his eyes had gone dry years and years ago. 

 

“Iruka…” He breathed, fingers still curled tight around his friend’s shoulders. 

 

“Y-yeah?” The chuunin sniffed, backing out from the hold, rubbing his eyes. He finally relaxed, but the smile just never went away. Just looking at Kakashi’s face made him smile from the inside out. 

 

Speaking of--Iruka just realized how stunned the man was, eyes wide with concern, hands still slightly outstretched, fingers half curled…

 

He couldn't help it. Another laugh bubbled up in his chest, and he began to giggle uncontrollably, pointing at his friend. 

 

“Y-your f-face…!” He snorted, “You look so...heehee...surprised!” The sniggers eventually grew softer till they had returned to his chest in the form of a few lingering, low chuckles. “I-I’m sorry, Sensei.” He grinned bashfully, glancing away. “I haven't...I haven't felt like that during a spar in a long time. I’m really looking forward to the next time, so long as you aren't busy when I call.” The chuunin turned shy eyes to the jonin, cheeks rosy. 

 

Kakashi felt his heart get struck by what felt like Indra’s arrow, head spinning as the world faded around them to a dreamy pink hue, staring blindly at Iruka, now noticing in earnest how long and full his lashes were, how soft his cheeks looked, how goddamn  _ beautiful  _ his dark eyes were--

 

Kakashi would sit next to the phone every fucking day doing nothing till he heard Iruka’s voice on the other end, if that’s what it took--

 

“...Kakashi-sensei?” Iruka waved a hand in his face. 

 

The man let out an undignified noise, shaking his head. 

 

…The fuck was  _ that? _ Eugh, that was  _ weird.  _ He quickly scanned the area, making sure no one else saw that. He still...felt funny as Iruka cocked his head, catty smile on his lips. 

 

“I’m...not too hungry, I had lunch with Naruto earlier, but my treat as thanks for your time. I’m going to work a lot harder with my training, especially if I ever want beat you.” The chuunin spoke cheerfully, as if all the earlier fear had never affected him in the slightest.

 

Kakashi got the strong feeling Iruka trusted him  near indefinitely now. 

 

“Uh...I...erm…” The jonin struggled for something remotely intelligent to say, but it was impossible. He simply nodded, a bit caught up himself. 

 

Once they finally set out, Iruka let out a yawn and stretched, loosening up his muscles from the spar. Kakashi’s face flushed bright red at the not-so-subtle sighs and relieved...moans? Shit, what was wrong with him? He ran a sweaty hand through his hair, shivering in the warm spring air. 

 

“Are you excited about the springs?” Iruka piped up, wanting to make pleasant conversation. “I rarely have time to go up there, since I’m only off on holidays...and they're packed then. But I love it so much, I try to take off at least a couple days a year to visit if I can.” 

 

He paused, smile fading as his eyes widened.

 

“I-I’m not t-trying to guilt t-trip you into taking me along, though, I promise!” Iruka stammered awkwardly, cheeks burning. “I’m sure you’ve already got some special girl in mind.” He forced a weak laugh. 

 

Kakashi was staring dumbly at the man’s chest, however, since he had removed his flak jacket to cool down a bit.  _ Fuck _ . 

 

_ Fuck! He said something. Shit, what was it? Act like you know what it was.  _

 

“Haha...yeah…” Kakashi said cooly, realizing too late it was the wrong thing to say as Iruka’s face fell. The chuunin tried to hide it, but it was obvious in his voice. 

 

“Oh...Well, I’m sure you’ll make her very happy.” He murmured, but Kakashi was quick to dive in. 

 

“N-no, I’m not…” He wrestled with himself for a moment, “I mean, I haven’t…”

 

He groaned, giving up.

 

“I...actually was planning on taking you up. I’ve heard how much you like them, and--”

 

Iruka looked like he had won the lottery. 

 

“R-really?!” He nearly squeaked, a bounce in his step, before clearing his throat to sound less...girlish. “I mean, really? You’d take me?”

 

Kakashi laughed warmly, the sound making Iruka melt a little more than he’d like to have admit. 

 

“Now, when you say it like that, it sounds like I’m taking you on a date.”  _ Hell yes _ . He’d finally gotten his nerve back. He’d make sure to stay on top this time.

 

He snorted inwardly at the innuendo, before looking down at Iruka, who had clammed up, face glowing hot pink, and had begun to walk with an obvious pigeon toe. 

 

Ninja  _ christ _ he was cute when he got flustered. Kakashi made a mental note to try and get him like that as much as possible. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT JUTSU IRUKA???? H, H MH MH MHMH MHMH MHMHMHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMHMHMMMM
> 
> **ALSO WHATEVER THEY GO TO ICHIRAKU OR SOME BS AND THEN PART WAYS, THEN THERES A TWO-THREE DAY TIME SKIP BETWEEN THIS AND THE NEXT CHAPTER. IM SO FUCKING MAD I FORGOT TO SAY THIS GODDAMN IT  
>  i mayyyyYYYYYYYYY write it we just dont know. dont get your hopes up**


	5. Starcrossed Stalemate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Don't wanna walk alone  
>  So let's get married  
> 'Cause we don't wanna walk alone  
> Or runaway, hey!  
> Change me at all costs  
> Starlight and star-crossed  
> Take me so breathless  
> We could be reckless_
> 
> Set your ass down and just let your heart be broken you fools. hes in love and hell never get out of it.

Kakashi was in an unusually good mood. The day was bright, the birds were chirping, and he was...excited, to say the least, to see his friend. He really didn’t have a plan as to what to do with said friend, but he did have a spare fishing rod back home if it was a lazy day, hiking boots if they chose to take the scenic route, maybe even another spar. 

 

There was...strangely enough, a spring in his step as he padded up the steps of Iruka’s house, leaning up against the door to knock, grin hidden behind the mask. He had the whole scene play out in his head, the blush on the chuunin’s freckled cheeks, the little indignant huff as he’d push the jonin away, then making sure his ponytail was centered. If it wasn't, he’d slip out the tie, hold it between his lips, which Kakashi’s eye would be trained on, as he fiddled with his thick locks, combing tan knuckles through the dark brown hair, pulling it up. 

 

So lost in the daydream, Kakashi didn’t realize Ebisu had stopped to stare at him. 

 

“Sensei?” He spoke up, brow furrowed. 

 

“Hmm--wha?” The jonin blinked, and cleared his throat. 

 

“Are you looking for Iruka?” Ebisu kept his distance. Seeing Kakashi smile felt...dangerous. Especially when he always looked so...stoic. Or bored. One of the two. 

 

“Is he not home?” The jonin’s mood faded slightly, silver brows knit. 

 

“No, and he won’t be for a while.” The chuunin commented, “He’s gone down to the country. Even by foot for a ninja, that’s about two hours.”

 

“Any reason?” Kakashi’s frown deepened. 

 

“He’s visiting Tsubaki.” Ebisu adjusted his glasses. “Sometimes he’ll stay there for a few days at a time, even. I think people have gotten to talking about it...especially after that whole incident with Mizuki.” 

 

Kakashi’s good mood had flatlined. 

 

“I see.” He said cooly. “Thanks for letting me know, Ebisu.” 

 

\--

[ **[YOU AND I | INGRID MICHAELSON]** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ps6aN4sWX68)

“There! All done.” Iruka huffed, wiping the sweat off his brow with his forearm. He looked over the new barn door he had put in, to replace the old broken one. “Perfect, if I do say so myself.” He mused proudly, running his palm over the wood. 

 

A giggle brought him back down, and he turned to see Tsubaki trying to hold back her laughter with a delicate hand. 

 

“ _ Almost _ perfect.” She smiled, stepping up beside him, hand on his shoulder as his eyes widened incredulously, trying to look around for something he’d done wrong. “The handle, silly.”

 

“The handle?”

 

“...you put it on the wrong side.” She giggled again. “I’m left handed, remember?” 

 

Iruka’s shoulders slumped considerably, and he rubbed at his temples. 

 

“...I’m so sorry, Tsubaki...I come all the way out here and I don’t even do the job right.” 

 

“Left.” His old friend corrected, but couldn’t contain a little snort at the pun. 

 

The chuunin groaned, however, soon he joined in her laughter. 

 

“I’m not worried about it.” She smiled once she’d caught her breath. “It’ll be an excuse for you to come by more often to open things with your right hand.” A blush peppered her cheeks, and a few airy laughs bubbled up in her chest.

 

Iruka rolled his eyes, and shook his head with another groan.

 

“Honestly, with how short a’ notice I’ve been coming down here, I wouldn’t be surprised if I dropped everything to just help you open a jar of pickles.” He smiled back, wondering if he was blushing too, or if it was just the heat of the day. Either way, he hoped it wasn’t too obvious. 

 

“If you say it, it’ll happen.” Tsubaki teased, before tugging on his sleeve. “Come, let’s get inside and have some tea.” 

 

Iruka didn’t have to be asked twice, and packed up his tools before following her into the cool shade of the house. He washed his face in the sink, running cool, wet hands through his hair before pulling it back up into a ponytail. 

 

To think...Mizuki had thrown all of this...away. 

 

The young man looked around the house.

 

It was small, but more than substantial for one person, and cozy for two. It was modestly furnished, but everything was lovingly worn down, even to the manual pump sink -- which Iruka had fallen in love with. It reminded him of when he’d go out to the countryside to visit his grandparents with his family. The summers he spent there as a young child helping around on the farm were some of the best memories he clung to. The animals, the endless sunflower fields, fresh fruit and vegetables...it was heaven. Pure and simple. 

 

He took a seat at the little wooden kitchen table and watched Tsubaki prepare the tea. 

 

...This...this felt a lot like heaven too. He lowered his eyes to look at his calloused hands, vision going out of focus, his heart beating just that much harder at the thought. 

 

The feelings, daydreams all came at once in no particular order, but each was something he felt tangibly in his chest, like feathers fallen from a flying bird. 

 

“Oh, yes, haven’t you heard?” A faceless woman gossipped excitedly. 

 

“About Iruka Umino? Yes, he’s finally getting married now, isn’t he?” Another spoke.

 

“Yes! To that poor girl in the country. The one that awful Mizuki fellow was so cruel to.”

 

“I’m so glad for them. Finding a way to heal from all that betrayal together.”

 

“I’m sure they’ll be so happy together.” 

 

“Iruka?” Tsubaki murmured, causing the chuunin to jerk out of his thoughts with a quiet gasp. “Everything alright? You seem...distracted.” She set the tea cup down on a plate in front of him, her deep blue eyes awash with hesitant concern. “I put the usual extra honey in.” 

 

Iruka laughed weakly. “I’m fine. Thank you.” 

 

Silence, as he lost himself in his own reflection. 

 

He wasn’t getting any younger. Townsfolk were already starting to heckle him for it, to just find someone and settle down. 

 

Though…

 

Tsubaki took her place across the table from him, stirring her own cup. 

 

Iruka looked up at her, brows furrowed just slightly, focus drifting across her features. 

 

[ **[LETS GET MARRIED | MITSKI COVER]** ](https://youtu.be/l5zuvs8EZDY)

 

_ Damn _ . He sighed internally. She was so lovely to look at, and he knew he’d never get tired of seeing her face. In fact, he looked forward to it more than most anything. 

 

Such beautiful jet black hair, with that iridescent blue sheen, just like Hinata had, cut in such an adorable bob that swung like a feathered crescent around her cheeks when she would turn to face him. Creamy skin was the perfect contrast, and her deep, deep blue eyes to match…he could see himself getting lost in those eyes for hours on end, especially if they were gazing back at him. It was if Lady Kaguya herself had plucked two star speckled stones from the night sky and given them to Tsubaki. 

 

Her lips, as delicate and tender (he blushed at the notion, not knowing first hand), just like the petals of the flower she was named after...he stopped the thought there before he got carried away with what other things lips could do.

 

KISS. THEY KISS YOU FUCK

 

But...above all, the part of her he would die a thousand deaths to protect, were her hands. Her hands, that were delicate, almost childlike, never callusing despite all the hard fieldwork she did, hands that would help him up when he’d fall over his own feet, hands that bandaged foolish bruises, hands that cooked for him, hands that brushed hair from his face when he came inside on a windy night…

 

Most importantly, the hands that would hold his when he would break down to her about his daily stresses, his darkest nightmares, his worries, doubts and troubles...she’d catch every tear that fell in those perfect, tiny hands. 

 

To him, those hands were the keys to heaven. If he held them long enough, maybe for the rest of his life, he’d forget what it was like to be on Earth. 

 

“Iruka…” Tsubaki frowned, worry giving in to impatience. “What’s wrong?” 

 

The young man blinked out of his stupor, giving her a soft smile. 

 

“Nothing. I think that’s what’s wrong.” The smile turned into a grin. 

 

“You’re such a fool.” Tsubaki shook her head with a laugh. “Now drink your tea before it gets cold.” 

 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

 

They took their time making easy conversation, Iruka telling her all the newest gossip from town, how Naruto and all his friends were doing, how his work was going, the usual. He asked about her family back in the Hidden Mist, asked how the crops had been doing, how her animals felt, asked how life was treating her. 

 

It was if the more she spoke, the more he wanted. The more she listened, the more he wanted. It felt greedy to be this happy just to hear someone talk about everything and nothing, but he kept at it, until they’d had the whole pot of tea. 

 

Iruka figured if he was going to bring up anything personal, anything at all, he’d have to ask what had been eating away at him for months, if not a few years now. 

 

“...Tsubaki…” He began, dark eyes hiding a quiet plea, “...Do you ever think you’ll return to the village?” 

 

The young woman seemed a bit taken aback at the question. 

 

“Well, I...I don’t know, Iruka. It’s been so long, I...I think it...may still…” Her voice trailed off, her heart beating just as quickly as his own. 

 

Years ago, when Konoha had found Tsubaki guilty of treason by omission, they had wanted to sentence her to prison, along with Mizuki. It had been Iruka, and Iruka alone, who stood up in protest. He argued for hours about her situation and circumstances, her invaluable help with the Mizuki tracking mission, and how she had just simply been taken advantage of by the man she had loved most. 

 

Despite this, and despite Iruka convincing the jury to let her go with barely more than a slap on the wrist, she had chosen partial banishment, still feeling guilty for what she had done. She was welcome to live on the outskirts of Konoha, and trade with it, but to never live there. 

 

The sentence, however, had been lifted over a year ago. And to Iruka’s dismay, Tsubaki seemed more than content to live her life out here on her little homestead. 

 

He couldn’t leave the village, and she was too scared to go back. They’d reached a stalemate. 

 

Iruka nodded slowly, his hand steady to her trembling one as he reached out to rest it on hers. 

 

“It’s alright. I understand.” He whispered, giving Tsubaki’s fingers a reassuring squeeze. He made himself smile, even though his heart was aching right out of his chest. “Let’s not worry about it now. You’re happy where you are. That’s what matters most to me, anyway.” 

 

Tsubaki lifted her sorrowful blue eyes to meet his, and nodded. “Thank you.” She murmured, taking his hand in both of hers. 

 

They shared a tender moment, before Iruka drew back and stood up, a look of foolhardy determination on his face. 

 

[ **[CANT HURRY LOVE | SUPREMES]** ](https://youtu.be/bhJkaqGVTwM)

 

“No tears. I didn’t come here to make you sad. Why don’t I teach you what you were begging me for earlier?” He teased, grinning. 

 

Tsubaki pouted, cheeks flushed pink.

 

“Oh, don’t make me sound desperate.” She pursed her lips before joining him as he made for the front door. 

 

They stood out by the back porch in the fresh grass, kicking off their sandals, scattering a few chickens that had been pecking about in the dirt. 

 

“Alright, put on your dancing shoes.” Iruka said with a twinkle in his eye, a smirk on his lips. He waited until Tsubaki, glowering good naturedly, bent over along with him to pretend to put on invisible shoes. 

 

“I’m not four, Iruka.” She smirked back. 

 

“But it always makes you smile, so…” He straightened up, arms outstretched. “Come here.” 

 

“Slow down, tiger.” Tsubaki scolded, “You haven’t even turned on the radio yet…!”

 

Iruka turned bright red, and took a walk of shame to the porch to flick the on switch, adjusting the frequency until he found something up beat. 

 

“Oh, I haven’t heard this since I was a little girl!” Tsubaki laughed brightly as Iruka returned. 

 

“It’s been a while. I wish I could take you in town for the festivals to dance there.” He smiled warmly as her hands found his, and he held her close for a moment, eyes lowered to hers. “I learned this a couple weeks back, so you have to promise to practice it with me lots so I don’t step all over you.” 

 

Tsubaki blew a strand of hair off her nose. 

 

“Yeah right,  _ I’m _ the one with two left feet. Just take it slow at first, okay?” 

 

“If I take it slow, the song will be over before we take the first step!” He laughed, pulling her along for the initial movements, swaying playfully to the beat, bare feet gingerly tracing the 1-2 pattern in the soft grass. She gasped, forgetting just how strong the shinobi was, her own bare feet flying for a moment as he swung her around. 

 

“Goddess, do I have to do the twirl?” She griped, a grin on her face as they quickly got into the groove, stepping out with opposite feet and twisting their hips. Iruka was in love with how Tsubaki’s skirt flared out when she spun around. 

 

“Yep. Totally mandatory.” He gave her a devilish look, pulling away till their arms went taught, watching her spin back into him. 

 

“Oof!” He huffed, as she lost balance at the end, and instead of gently pushing into his stomach, she clumsily crashed her back into it. He laughed  heartily, holding her in a tight hug, nose buried in the top of her head as she apologized over and over again. 

 

“It’s fine! Those are my favorite twirls anyway.” He let go, grinning at how flushed the girl looked. “When you secretly try to take me out.” 

 

With a flustered huff, Tsubaki knelt down, and Iruka looked after her with a confused expression. The clarity struck him in the form of a woman’s sandal as she brought it down on his forehead (she was too short to reach any higher.) 

 

“Ow! Ow, okay, okay! I’m sorry!” He yiped, still laughing, jumping away as she chased after him. 

 

“Sandal Strike no Jutsu!” She called after him, flinging it with deadly accuracy. It hit him square on the rear, and he yelped again. 

 

Once they’d settled with a chase of Cops and Robbers, and scaring the entire flock of chickens with their childish antics, they flopped to the ground, breathing heavily. 

 

“So, you going to actually use your fancy ninja skills to good use or…?” Tsubaki elbowed him, brushing back her hair. 

 

“Oh! Yes, I’ve been practicing it a lot. It’s simple, but it’s hard since it’s not my element.” Iruka pulled himself to his feet. “Where would you like me to start?” 

 

Tsubaki had very low chakra reserves, and could never get the knack of ninjutsu. She only went to academy for a few years, before dropping out to help her mother on their farm. It simply wasn’t her strong suit.

 

“Here, if you don’t mind.” She stood as well, guiding him to a few square yards of claydirt. “It’s so hard when it dries up, that I’m not strong enough to break it apart.” 

 

Iruka nodded, signing twice, and stomped his right foot. A tremor shook the ground for a few seconds, crumbling up, and effectively tilling the unruly soil.

 

Tsubaki stared in amazement. 

 

“So why do shinobi use their abilities to hurt one another? When you can do things like this?” She spoke softly, all of her energy and vigor from earlier gone. 

 

Iruka shook his head. 

 

“...I don’t know. I wish we didn’t.” 

 

Time passed quietly as they planted grass seed, Iruka using his ninjutsu to water it as well before tossing the dried hay across the plot. 

 

“Now then.” He dusted off his hands. “I wanted to ask you something.” 

 

“You’re very inquisitive.” Tsubaki’s smiling eyes betrayed her lax expression. She lead him up to the porch where they settled on old wooden rocking chairs, ones she had brought down from her grandparents’ house when they passed. 

 

“Would you like to come to Tanabata with me?” 

 

The young woman stiffened, nose bright pink as she turned away to hide it. 

 

“I’d love to.” She murmured, the idea of being in public with Iruka like that...filled a niche she didn't know she wanted. 

 

“Good!” He beamed. “Then I’ve got something for you.” 

 

\--

[ **[LETS GET MARRIED | MITSKI COVER]** ](https://youtu.be/l5zuvs8EZDY)

Iruka returned from inside with a long, thin box wrapped in foil paper, and offered it to her, still beaming. 

 

“...Iruka…?” Tsubaki tentatively took the gift. 

 

Carefully, she took apart the wrapping paper and string, unfolding the panels. 

 

She let out a gasp, nearly dropping it as she saw what was inside. 

 

“...F-for me? Is...is it really?!” She breathed, voice cracking as she teared up, frantically looking back and forth from the cloth to Iruka’s glowing face. 

 

“Of course. Your birthday is the third, so…I figured it could work in tandem with--”

 

“Oh, Iruka…” Tsubaki whispered, pulling out the most beautiful silk kimono from the box. “This must have cost you a year’s pay…!” Her tears fell freely on the heavenly powder blue fabric, which was stitched with intricate designs of tsubaki flowers, rabbits, and sparrows. “And...my favorite animals…!” 

 

Iruka rubbed the back of his head bashfully, still smiling from ear to ear. 

 

“There is one catch.” He chuckled. “I need it altered to fit you perfectly for the festival, so you’ll have to let me measure and pin you.” 

 

Silence.

 

“Tsu...Tsubaki?” Iruka cocked his head to the side, leaning in, face awash with concern as the girl hunched over in her seat, shoulders shaking. 

 

“I can’t believe you’d...do this for me. It’s too pretty, I--”

 

“You can wear it every day if you want.” 

 

_ Even to our wedding. _ He wanted to say, but that would only be taking advantage of the delicate state she was in. 

 

Once Tsubaki had finally calmed down, the pair padded back into the kitchen. 

 

“It was actually a gift from a friend.” He began to explain, watching her fondly as she lay out the fabric on the table, fingers tracing every thread reverently. “The tailor of the village is a jonin, and he and his wife were called out short notice for a long recon mission. They asked if I would watch their little girl while they were away.”

 

“And of course you said yes.” Tsubaki smiled, two more tears slipping down her cheeks. 

 

“I’d have done it in a heartbeat a hundred times over.” Iruka chuckled warmly, his hand to her back, reassuring her gently. “They had offered a ridiculous sum of money as compensation, and I immediately turned it down. I just asked if I could have a custom kimono made for a friend, and here we are.” 

 

“Iruka…” Tsubaki blinked away another tear. 

 

“Shh, it’s getting late, and I want to do this in natural light. Hurry and get your sewing needles.” He urged gently, and she nodded solemnly. 

 

Iruka helped her dress outside, adjusting the collar and sash, warm brown eyes overwhelmed with affection as he made sure everything was in place. 

 

“It looks...incredible on you, Tsubaki.” He said softly, hands lingering on her shoulders. 

 

“Pin me before I cry again, you fool.” She scrunched up her rosy nose, hiccuping. 

 

Iruka laughed under his breath, and humored her, kneeling before her, careful with each needle he threaded through the fabric. He felt a bit...uncouth for putting his hands all over her, but she couldn’t do it herself, could she now? 

 

Once he rose to his feet, he gazed tenderly at her, feeling himself being pulled by cosmic forces beyond his own control, towards those moonstone eyes. 

 

Down, down, down, he fell into the starry abyss, hands lifting, resting on plush hips, head tilting as his body leaned in, feeling hers press up to him as she stood on tip toe, petal soft lips parted, starcrossed eyes locked on his mahogany ones. 

 

So close.. so close...breath shared for eternal moments, hearts beating furiously against one another, pulses sparking, noses brushing…

 

CRASH! 

 

Iruka bolted upright, protectively clutching Tsubaki tightly to his chest, eyes scanning the area, ponytail bristling. 

 

A tree branch had just fallen from a nearby tree in the yard. 

 

With weary sigh, he released the girl, wordlessly checking her over, thankful he hadn’t accidentally pricked her with pins when he abruptly grabbed her. 

 

They only exchanged a few soft words, before they grew too embarrassed.

 

“Will you stay for dinner? And I could use help with the chickens in the morning--” Tsubaki did her best to make excuses to keep Iruka from leaving, but he shook his head. 

 

“It’s already sunset. I need to head back. I’m supposed to meet someone tomorrow, and I won’t make it in time if…” He felt his cheeks redden. “I know the townspeople have begun to talk...I...I don’t want to hurt your reputation, Tsubaki.” He sighed, before gently undressing her, and folding the kimono neatly back into the box to take back with him. 

 

His friend said nothing, fingers still curled tightly to the hem of his shirt. 

 

“...Maybe...next time...I could come visit, then.” She murmured, trying her hardest not to cry again. 

 

“I would love that.” Iruka’s calloused hand found its way to her soft cheek, cradling it tenderly. “I always have room for you at home.” 

 

Tsubaki nodded silently, her heart already starting to hurt at the idea of not seeing him for weeks on end again. 

 

\--

 

They said their reluctant goodbyes, before Iruka promised, the next time they met, he’d take her out to dance, instead of like idiot kids in the backyard, at which she laughed, eyes still shining with tears. 

 

He took off into the woods, but his steps were slow and faltering, as if he was being held back by invisible strings. But the closer he got to the village, the more he thought about the next day with Kakashi at the springs.

 

Goddess, he was looking forward to that. He’d finally get to take it easy and relax. Hopefully. Mostly, he just wanted to be around the jonin and enjoy his company. 

 

\---

 

Inwardly kicking himself for almost being caught, Kakashi made his way through the trees, leaping from branch to branch. At the time, he hadn’t realized how unstable that tree branch was. Thankfully he hadn’t been spotted.

 

He felt like a fool, spying on two people like a damned child. But, he felt even more like a fool for thinking that Iruka...maybe…

 

This feeling that had been creeping about in his heart the past few days still puzzled him, yet it had such an effect on him. He had to admit it was getting bothersome.

 

The shinobi growled to himself, frustrated. How could he have forgotten about Tsubaki? He’d never met the woman, but he, as was everyone else in the village, was aware of the incident with Mizuki that happened all those years ago. And aware that Iruka and Naruto had been at the forefront of taking care of the traitorous ninja, coming to the aid of his once lover. And he knew that Iruka had remained friends with her ever since. What he hadn’t known was how close they had grown over the years.

 

And what was wrong with that? Clearly, they both looked happy. From what they had been through together, they deserved it.

 

So why did he feel so crestfallen?

 

This was getting ridiculous. He couldn’t sort out his thoughts, and it seemed the more he thought, the more confused he became. The sooner he got back to the village, the better. He needed some sort of distraction.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PRETEND SHE GIVES IRUKA SOME FRESH VEGETABLES AND PANICS ABOUT HIM LEAVING HIS RADIO thats all i was too lazy and forgot lammaoamaoamaommo sorry kakashit


	6. Can't Live Without

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It's not right, it's not right  
>  How am I the only one who sees us fight?  
> What are we? Who are they?  
> Who says those bastards don't deserve to pay?  
> Well it's enough, it's just enough 'cause we don't stand a chance  
> So long you stay around, you're just another song and dance  
> It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair  
> Still I'm the only one who seems to care_

For whatever reason, Kakashi found himself stepping through the threshold of a quiet bar, a few men seated at the counter staring at him until he sat down on the other side of the bar. The barkeep was quick to get him a drink, and once the glass was placed in front of him, Kakashi stared down at it, seeing his faint reflection in the clear liquid.

 

Pathetic.

 

He didn’t tend to rely on drinking to clear his mind, but, well, this time it felt necessary. What was better than some hot saké to drown out his thoughts? Maybe actually trying to work out his jumbled feelings like an adult instead of just burying them. Right then though, he wasn’t feeling up to it.

 

He needed to stop thinking about Iruka, but he wanted to keep that radiant smile in his mind, warmth seeping into his chest and limbs the more he concentrated on it. Like a light in the darkness, guiding him through the blackness of his darkest memories, and he’d gladly burn his eyes the longer he stared just to keep that brilliance from fading away. 

 

“Oi! Kakashi!” 

 

A gruff voice snapped Kakashi out of his contemplations, an even rougher hand smacking him firmly on the back. He lifted his head to find none other than Might Gai, whose radiant grin was plastered across his face, perfectly trimmed raven hair glossy in the artificial light.

 

“Hey, Gai,” Kakashi returned his smile with a lazy glance, disinterest in his tone. The mirthful shinobi always had a knack for finding him no matter where he was in the village, ever since they had been kids.

 

The green-clad ninja didn’t hesitate to take the seat next to him, offering his company whether Kakashi wanted it or not. Kakashi had turned back away from him, staring blankly ahead, but Gai was not to be deterred. The man leaned forward in his seat to stare at the masked shinobi’s face, furrowing his brows as he studied his expression closely. He looked gloomy, as per usual when on the rare occasion he’d decided to plop himself down at a bar by his lonesome, wallowing in whatever melancholies he was hung up on. Not good. How were they supposed to be eternal rivals if he was just going to sit around and mope? Where was the fun in that?

 

“I’m not sure what it is you’ve got going on inside that head of yours, but it’s buggin’ me and I’m gonna find out what it is if it’s the last thing I do,” Gai stated, sitting back and crossing his arms. He frowned deeply, watching as the silver-haired man tugged his mask down a bit and downed a shot of saké he had been holding onto for who knew how long.

 

“Oh.” Was all the response he got, and Gai’s frown deepened even further as he clenched a fist. Okay, now he was starting to get ticked off…! It was just like back then when Gai would try to make conversation only to be completely ignored by the other. 

 

As stubborn as ever. There was only one way to get through to him, and that was to be even more stubborn than he.

 

Kakashi startled slightly at the loud sound of a fist pounding down on the counter, rattling the glasses sitting atop it. Blinking, his eye flicked to his friend's face, just then noticing his agitation.

 

“If you’re going to sit here and waste yourself away, then I’m not letting you do it alone…!” Gai pledged, a fiery determination burning in his eyes. He flipped around, intense eyes locking onto the server, who jolted to have such a look directed at his face. “BARTENDER! MORE HOT SAKÉ, ON THE DOUBLE!”

 

With a terse bow, the server obliged.

 

\--

 

Several shots and loud exclamations later, Kakashi and Gai downed another one too many, neither of them feeling the burn any longer. Both having downed the same amount of shots, Gai was never able to keep up with his friend's alcohol tolerance, though Kakashi had had enough to leave him quite woozy.

 

Slamming his glass down, Kakashi wavered in place, a few remaining giggles escaping him from a laughing bought the two had a few moments prior.

 

“Gai,” he said, ungainly placing his hand atop the other man's shoulder as he looked him in the eye quite seriously. “You're-- you're my best friend.”

 

Despite the slur in the jōnin's words, Gai felt himself choke up, throwing his arm around Kakashi's shoulders and pulling him close for a clumsy hug, letting go after a brief moment.

 

“That means, s'much to me,” he hiccuped, sniffling loudly. 

 

“I feel like I can tell you anything,” Kakashi went on, forming his words in the beginning too quickly, but Gai had no difficulty understanding. “Like, you're my best,  _ best _ friend, y'know?”

 

“'Kashi, you're the greatest friend a guy could ask for,” Gai said back, grinning, “An’ don't forget it.”

 

The bartender just rolled his eyes at the display. Who the hell got drunk in the middle of the day...? These two were just weird. Whatever, at least they were paying customers. He left them to their own devices to tend to his other patrons.

 

“You've always been there for me, and I, I'm jussa  _ jerk _ .” Kakashi put emphasis on his words by waving the ceramic bottle of saké in his hand as he went to pour another shot out for the both of them, spilling more of it than what made it into the glasses.

 

“ _ No _ …!” The other jōnin objected, readying a retort. Where was all this coming from? He knew Kakashi didn’t think highly of himself, but this was just ridiculous and so out of the blue.

 

“It’s the truth! All I do is care ‘bout myself. Selfish.” Kakashi paused to drink his shot, coughing obnoxiously for a second afterwards. “I'm selfish.”

 

“What're you talking about…?!” Gai followed suit, tipping his glass into his mouth.

 

“I don’t know anymore, Gai.” Leaning his arms on the counter, Kakashi ran a hand through his hair, sighing heavily. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

 

He glanced at his friend, knowing that he was listening intently, even if he was drunk enough to hardly remember any of this by time he sobered up. Good thing, too. 

 

Gai seemed to contemplate this, his expression that of a man deep in thought. He remained quiet for Kakashi to continue.

 

“I can’t stop thinking about a...a friend.” 

 

“Do I know ‘im?” Stifling a yawn, Gai did his best to pay attention, but the fog in his head wasn’t helping.

 

“Iruka…” Kakashi breathed, almost yearningly, and later on, he’d be thankful his companion hadn’t picked up on that.

 

“Iruka?” Gai blinked, a weird frown forming on his face. “Whatabout him?” The jōnin was familiar with the academy teacher, but hadn’t ever worked closely with him. The chūnin was always so reserved whenever he tried to strike up a conversation with him, but he was undeniably very kind - a highly respectable sensei that put his students above all else. 

 

Kakashi let out a bitter sounding chuckle.

 

“That’s the thing. I dunno. I just...I…”  _ Everything about him.  _ The jōnin struggled to make sense of his thoughts, words failing him. How could he say he was bothered by the fact that Iruka was in love? It was selfish, and he didn’t even understand  _ why _ he felt so fucking upset. He should be happy a dear friend has found someone, right? Or so he thought.

 

His heart felt differently.

 

Just as he was about to try to elaborate, Kakashi glanced at his friend, finding him passed out with his face resting atop his arms on the bar's surface, his mouth agape with a silent snore.

 

While he was probably the most energetic person he knew, Gai never could hold himself together when alcohol was involved. It was the one thing that could knock him out cold if he wasn’t careful.

 

Deciding he’d go walk off the effects of the saké, Kakashi stood up, making sure he didn’t accidentally wake his friend. After a brief nap, the youthful jōnin would be wide awake, though more than likely harboring a headache. He’d go home and chug a large amount of water, and hopefully forget about the fact that Kakashi never got around to addressing his problem. The man was so persistent when it came to wanting to help him out, even when Kakashi knew he couldn’t.

 

Digging out more than enough ryō to pay for his and Gai’s tab, he placed the cash on the counter, giving the jōnin one last look before stumbling out to the street. Instinct told him to go home, but somehow, the empty house would just make him feel worse, and he didn’t care who saw him in this sorry ass state anyway. 

 

Kakashi ambled along the almost empty path, the sun bearing down on his back. 

 

No thoughts disturbed him.

 

\--

 

Eventually, the heat got to him. Even the shade of the alleyway didn’t help much.

 

Kakashi came to little by little, blinking rapidly as he opened his eyes, his head swimming. He wasn’t sure where he had gotten to, but as he pushed himself up, he gathered his bearings; he was alone, of course, lying atop a small pile of garbage bags that had been carelessly tossed down the small alley. His head throbbed, his hands rubbing futilely at his temples. The tight walls of the buildings trapped the heat of the day, almost to the point of it being suffocating. 

 

He almost felt like he belonged amongst the trash.

 

Mother of the Moon, what the hell was he becoming? Disgusted couldn’t begin to describe what he felt of himself. Had he no dignity left? 

 

This whole thing with Iruka was pulling him apart.

 

Kakashi quickly reprimanded himself, regretting making it sound like he blamed the chūnin for all of this. There was nothing to pin him at fault for - this was all self-inflicted, as usual.

 

So...what was he going to do about the amalgamation of emotions he had at the thought of Iruka? Was he going to forcefully distance himself and run away like he did in the past?

 

He cared for him deeply, and he probably wasn’t going to stop caring for him. Even if it was unreciprocated, which, up until that day, he thought otherwise. Still, he wasn’t going to let it get to him. He wouldn’t ever feel bitterness towards Iruka, nor the woman he cared for. He’d be damned if he let this get in the way of their friendship.

 

Carefully getting to his feet, Kakashi brushed off his clothes, feeling in desperate need of a shower. 

 

He’d go find a bathroom in the nearest store and wash his face, and then, going home was probably the best option. He needed to stop acting like a buffoon. He was a goddamn  _ shinobi _ , a  _ teacher _ \- this was no way to set an example. Not to mention he was in his thirties, and was supposed to act like the grown-up he was. Hell, children had more dignity than he did in that moment. What a disgrace.

 

Shrugging off his shame, the jōnin made his way out, the sun setting behind the mountains.

 

\---  


**[[ITS NOT MY FAULT IM HAPPY | PASSION PIT]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ibirZTVXb4) **

Iruka felt his heart stop the moment he stepped into the village. The basket of fresh vegetables trembled in his shaking hand, nearly slipping out of his fingers. Swallowing hard, he bowed his head and walked quietly to the nearest alleyway, where he could be by himself, so he wouldn't make a scene.    
  
The basket dropped, and so did Iruka, nearly to his knees, having come to terms that he had left his father’s radio back at the homestead. The man leaned heavily against the alley wall, fingers twitching as they gingerly brushed his waist pockets, over and over for the silhouette of something that wasn’t there.    
  
He could run all the way back, but at that rate, he knew Tsubaki would beg for him to stay, and he would give in, and most likely give in to more than he should without a ring on her finger. The man’s thoughts raced to images of his sweetheart’s face, staring up at him adoringly, reaching to brush back the hair that fell to his shoulders…   
  
He grit his teeth, already starting to sweat as the panic began to creep up his legs and into his stomach. It was as if every breath was never enough, that he was slowly drowning above water.    
  
And if he stayed, he’d never leave. He knew this for a fact. He’d fall in love, and he’d know nothing more than that homestead and Tsubaki’s tender embrace. And as horrible as he already felt, he knew it would be worse to feel unknowingly trapped by the person he cared most about.    
  
A string of swears flooded his brain as he felt his eyes well with tears, which fell without permission, staining the dirt alleyway with grief.    
  
Why did he leave in such a rush? Why hadn’t he just...done one last check? But what if he had, and she asked for one last dance, and the sun set behind them? What if…was it a sign? An omen? A--    
  
By now he was too dizzy with the swarm of emotions rushing through him to think. It was all he had left of his father. A stupid, little hand radio, the last thing he ever heard his father’s voice on. 

 

It was all he had left.    
It was all he had left.    
It was all he had left.    
  
It was --   
  
“Iruka-sensei?”    
  
Iruka was so caught up in cursing himself into the lowest circle of hell he could think of, that he didn’t notice who was speaking to him, until he was right in front of his face.    
  
“Iruka!” Kakashi’s hands reached out slowly, firmly gripping his friends shoulders, rubbing them as if he were trying to get the blood flowing again. “Iruka, what happened? Are you hurt?” The jonin resisted the urge of patting him over, looking for injuries.    
  
He was shocked to see just how broken the young man’s expression was, lips taut in a painful grimace, which he hastily hid behind his arm, shame striking his conscience like a hot blade.    
  
Kakashi took a deep breath, swallowing hard.    
  
“I need you to tell me what happened.” He said slowly, his grip relaxing, hands now softly petting up and down his arms to warm away the violent shakes and shivers. “Everything’s going to be alright. I’ll make sure of it.” The man’s voice was low and soothing, and Iruka lunged for the reassurance like a lifeline in a raging sea.    
  
“...I-I…” It was so, so hard to make any other sound than a sharp inhale or coughing sob, but the young man managed to explain between wheezy breaths that he had left his father’s radio with a friend. And that he couldn’t go back.    
  
Kakashi didn’t understand exactly why both of these things were so important, but he wasn’t about to ask questions. Iruka was obviously in hysterics about losing --   
  
“It’s all I have left.” The chuunin repeated over and over again through chattering teeth and choking sobs. “It’s all I have left.”    
  
“I understand.” Kakashi’s face hardened, and against his better judgement, pulled Iruka in close. “I’m taking you home to wait. I’m not about to leave you like this.”    
  
His friend relaxed immensely in the tentative embrace, and nodded. What a burden he was. But he was just too fucking sad to care about anything but the warmth surrounding him, and the feel of the worn metal and plastic speaker rubbing against his calloused fingertips.    
  
Kakashi knew the dignity of a shinobi was vital to protect, and so he led Iruka carefully down back roads until they reached the jonin’s house, so no one would see him in such a vulnerable state.    
  
“I will be back. I won’t leave you alone.” The elder blinked hard, feeling a familiar stinging behind his eyes. “I’ll have Bisuke look after you, alright? He’s a good boy. He won’t hurt you.” Kakashi felt as though he was speaking to a child, but it was all he knew to do to someone so shattered emotionally.    
  
Iruka only nodded, fingers lingering on his friend’s jacket before the jonin pulled away, cupping his hands in a sign to call upon the floppy eared dog of his troop.    
  
Once they had been introduced, and Iruka seemed able to breathe normally again, Kakashi gave his hand a quick squeeze, a look of hardened determination on his face.    
  
He understood what it was like to lose the one thing he had left of a best friend.

 

It followed him everywhere, and as much as it felt like a curse rather than a blessing, he treasured it.    
  
Kakashi would get that radio back for Iruka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KAKASHI: IM THE TRASH MAN I GO INTO THE RING AND I JUST. I EAT TRASH
> 
> oh god iruka are your eyes EVER dry


	7. Return to Sender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BISUKE IS GOOD PEOPLE. BISUKE IS GOOD FUCKING PEOPLE.

Knowing Iruka was in capable paws back at his house, Kakashi had made haste and left the village, steadfast as he leapt from tree to tree. He’d make it to the homestead in no more than an hour, moving as quickly as the wind would carry him. 

 

The jōnin’s heart was aching at the thought of Iruka now that he had sobered up, but he wasn’t going to let his self-centered hopes stop him from helping the younger. The sight of his face when he found him in the alleyway was enough to make his heart sink to his stomach. If there was something he could do to erase the panic from the chūnin’s face, then he would be sure to see it through.

 

Flashes of what he almost witnessed earlier that day played out in his head no matter how much he tried to quell the thoughts. Kakashi hadn’t been snooping for long before the tree branch he had been perched on collapsed, but even that was more than enough than he had wished to see. 

 

He felt like doing this for Iruka would remedy the guilt he felt, but it did little for him to forgive himself for doing such a thing.

 

Minutes passed, and before he knew it, a break in the trees ahead notified him that Tsubaki’s house was just moments away. With one last leap off of a limb, Kakashi sailed down, landing without a sound.

 

Crickets had already begun their serenade, filling the forest with their trilling songs in search of a sweetheart. As he drew near the humble building, his hearing quirked at the soft drone of music coming from what appeared to be a porch. The setting sun cast shadows where the muted glow of the sky did not reach, and it took him a second to make out a woman sitting on the wooden steps, the music emitting from where she sat. Her face was upturned, watching the painted clouds leisurely make their way across the dusky sky.

 

She hadn’t noticed him at first as he made his way closer down a narrow path, tall grasses on each side of him. It wasn’t until the crickets hiding within went silent did she realize something was coming, and she looked up to see a man with silver hair come to a slow stop. Tsubaki straightened, slight alarm hitting her - when did he get there?

 

“Er, hello,” he greeted, holding a hand up in salutation. 

 

“Can I help you?” Tsubaki asked, her tone friendly and curious, but Kakashi knew she was also alluding to the fact that she was not so willing to simply trust a random stranger that happened upon her house, which happened to be in the middle of nowhere. She didn’t get many visitors.

 

“You are Tsubaki, correct?” Kakashi decided to keep his distance until he saw her relax at the fact he knew her name, ever so minutely, a slight slack in her shoulders, enough for his keen eye to pick up on. She gave a nod, humming in affirmation. Only then did he approach, strolling up to where she sat and stopping a good few feet away. “I’m sorry for intruding, but a friend of mine left something here.”

 

Tsubaki’s eyes widened instantly, glancing down to the well-loved radio sat by her hip.

 

“Who are you?” Tsubaki looked to him, studying his mostly hidden features. He bore a Konohagakure forehead protector, as well as the traditional green jacket of its shinobi forces, so at the very least she could tell where he came from.

 

“My name is Kakashi,” he replied with a small smile, sliding his gloved hands into his pockets.

 

Tsubaki's eyes lit up, immediately recognizing that name.

 

“Kakashi Hatake? I've heard quite a bit about you. You are Naruto's sensei, aren't you?”

 

“Afraid so,” Kakashi answered lightly.

 

“You don’t like Naruto?” Tsubaki sounded displeased, but she gave him the chance to rectify his wording.

 

“No, just sorry for him to get stuck with me.” Kakashi watched the young woman’s shoulders shake with a quiet laugh. “I suppose it worked out, though, seeing as he is the hero of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. You should see him now.”

 

Tsubaki gave him a saddened look.

 

“I would love to. It’s been so long.” She had known him for such a short time, when he was only a kid, but like many the blond had met, he left a lasting impression. She hadn’t seen him since then, but had heard so, so much through Iruka. Just by how proud the chūnin was to talk about the young ninja, she knew he was going to go down in history. “I’d been hoping he’d tag along with Iruka one day, but I know he is always so busy with his training.” She took a moment to glance behind Kakashi, as if she was expecting someone. “Where is Iruka?”

 

Kakashi stiffened slightly.

 

“Ah, he got called into a late meeting,” he fibbed reluctantly, but well enough that he sounded truthful. He hated lying to her. At the same time, though, he did not wish for her to think that Iruka didn’t want to see her. “I happen to be off-duty right now, and I volunteered to get the radio for him.” At least that part wasn’t a lie.

 

“That’s very kind of you,” Tsubaki smiled warmly, blue eyes reflecting her sincerity.

 

“It’s nothing,” Kakashi waved the notion immediately, not needing praise. “I enjoyed the trip here. The village tends to get stuffy after a while.” 

 

“I’m glad,” shifting, Tsubaki pushed herself up, leaning down to pick up the pocket radio and took a moment to gaze at it and its battered casing. It was nice, having the music keep her company in the silence of dusk, but she knew how important the radio was to Iruka. She had been hoping he would come to retrieve it, knowing he wouldn’t be able to rest without it in his possession. Clutching it as if it were almost just as important to her, she remained speechless a minute longer, listening to the staticy tune of the song. A slow breath escaped her lips before she looked back to the man. “I truly appreciate you coming to get this for him. I entrust you’ll get it back to him safely.”

 

Despite having just met him, she knew he would.

 

Kakashi gave her a solemn look, eye lowered as she walked up to him, holding out the radio. He lifted his hands to take it from her, and she gently laid it in his cupped hands as if it were a fragile day old kitten, her fingers brushing his palms as she pulled away.

 

“Of course,” he murmured. 

 

Tsubaki stared up at him, clasping her hands together.

 

“Kakashi, I know this is too much to ask of you when you do not know me,” she started, hushed, “but...will you please...watch over Iruka for me when I cannot be there for him?”

 

The request struck Kakashi in a way he could not describe. It hurt, and he didn’t understand why.

 

Ignoring the feeling, the shinobi offered her a quiet smile.

 

“You can count on me,” he vowed with a low voice, fastening up a pocket on his jacket after he placed the radio inside of it. He gave it a soft pat to make sure it was secure, his gray eye holding Tsubaki’s gaze.

 

Tsubaki bowed her head with gratitude, more than appreciative to the shinobi.

 

“Take care, Kakashi Hatake,” she said softly, fixing her blue eyes back on his face as she bid him goodbye. She did not want to hold him up for too long. Not with Iruka awaiting the return of his father’s radio.

 

Kakashi swallowed, dipping his head in return and lifting his hand to give her a salute in farewell.

 

“Thank you,” he returned, and before Tsubaki knew it, he was gone, disappearing like a phantom into the shadows.

 

She watched the treeline, breathing in the earthen scents of the forest as a breeze passed by. Her heart ached, but she paid it no mind, for it would do her no good, and went back, stepping through her front door.

 

\---

[ **[BREATHE | LAUV]** ](https://youtu.be/rwTULrIL94s)

Iruka found himself in limbo, the sunset framed by the window behind him seemingly bobbing up and down on the horizon like a buoy over waves. The vertigo was immense, but he slowly came to, albeit faintly. Bisuke flopped next to him on the couch, staring at a small beetle that was inching its way across the pane. 

 

“...How do...I tell him how sorry I am?” The chuunin whispered, not remembering the dog could understand, or even talk back. “I feel like...the past few days...I’ve only distracted him with...stupid problems of mine.” Iruka blindly gazed down at the swirling wood grain between his feet, sighing until his arms rested on his knees, and his head in his hands. “I’ve acted so... _ brattily _ .” He spoke the word with contempt. “Any time I feel upset, I run from him, or he runs to save me. I’m only becoming a burden to his duties. I don’t want him to worry about me.” 

 

“Gee, Master was right. You  _ do  _ ramble a lot.” Bisuke flicked a floppy ear, looking up with drooping eyes and yawning. “I don’t think you should apologize for--” The dog was cut off by a yelp of alarm, before Iruka leaned back, hand on his heart. 

 

“Shit, I forgot you could talk…” He breathed a little heavily, the adrenaline making his head pound. 

 

“As I was saying…” Bisuke chuffed a puppy laugh, and rolled to his feet, padding onto Iruka’s lap, watching him with raccoon eyes until he stopped bristling and relaxed. “Apologies fix nothing. Telling the truth will clear up any--”

 

Iruka, who had tentatively held his hand out for the ninken to sniff, and had then begun to gingerly pet, let out a frustrated noise. 

 

“That’s...impossible.” He murmured, finger scritching the pup’s cheek like a cat, “...Because I don’t know what the truth is.” 

 

“Well then,” Bisuke flopped on his side, putting a tiny paw to the man’s chest. “What’s this thing saying? If your head’s all messed up, then your heart should still be telling you something.” 

 

Iruka closed his eyes slowly, already sensing the familiar tingling in his eyes and nose. Both hands stroked and rubbed the soft fur of the ninken for comfort, fingers twirling the the silky hound ears around them. He carefully held the ninken up in a gentle hug before letting their combined weight pull them down into the couch. Iruka curled up, cuddling with Bisuke now, troubled face buried in the top of the pup’s head. 

 

“I don’t know.” He whimpered. “I feel like every time I see him, I miss him more.” The tears slid down the dog’s fur, and he quickly licked them up, a tender blep to the man’s cheeks to reassure him. “When I’m with him, I...I can’t think of anything else but his hands...I just want..to hold them. I want to...hold  _ him _ , too.” He confessed quietly between shaky inhales. “I don’t want to let go. If...if something...ha-happpened to him, I…” 

 

It was a child crying now. The whines, whimpers, hushed wails that he tried so desperately to hide all came out, muffled by Bisuke’s plush fur. He just wanted to feel Lord Thirds arms around him again, to rub his back and tell him to keep his head up. To hold on to the Will of Fire. He wanted…

 

Bisuke lapped at the man’s face, cleaning him like a puppy, until he was shakily pushed away. 

 

“I w-want...to protect him...b-but I...I’m so weak...I figured if I could...beat him...in practice...I-I...could defend him this time, i-instead o-of…” He broke down again, “Just  _ watching _ .”

 

Bisuke’s tongue slowed. This man felt guilty for not being able to save Master from the Akatsuki Pain? But...why? 

 

“I’ve...lost too much...I’ve...I’ve…” He wept. “They’re all I have left. My family’s gone. If I lose them…” He choked, “I’ll be gone too.” 

 

Bisuke gently nuzzled him, his little paw to the man’s cheek until he wore himself out and settled down. 

 

“I’m selfish.” He whispered, reddened eyes staring unseeingly into the distance. “I want Kakashi all to myself.”

 

Bisuke perked up, sensing someone close by. 

 

Iruka’s gaze lazily followed the ninken’s toward the front door. By now, the sun had set on his emotions, and he and the twilight were one and the same: pale blues and deep grays, settled into a flat watercolor canvas. 

 

The ninken boofed softly, tail up, defensive of his current ward. 

 

Iruka, slipping back into a daze, just reached up to pet the dog. He was so soft. And warm. And he wasn’t mean like the others, even when he was making noises like this. And he liked his cold nose. And how it snuffled him, how he’d rest his chin on his chest and stare with droopy eyes at him. He was good. He was a good doggy, a good-- 

 

He felt a lump clench in his throat against his will, eyes welling up despite the burning, raw skin the salt had caused. 

 

He’d protect him too. He’d keep him safe, and never let anything bad happen to him and --

 

“Bwoof! Bwoof!” Bisuke barked as a shadow appeared at the door. The doorknob jiggled a bit as the key was turned, and Kakashi, looking good and exhausted stepped in, radio in hand. 

 

But Iruka didn’t even notice it.

 

He swallowed thickly and stared up at the man, and sniffed once.

 

“I missed you.” He whispered, the tenderness in his voice speaking volumes. Iruka wanted nothing more than to rush to his friend and hold him close, press his face to his neck and catch his breath. But he was still paralyzed. 

 

_ “I missed you so much.” _ His voice broke, arms reaching fraily towards him, eyes awash with something Kakashi hadn’t seen in many years.

 

_ Love _ . 

 

\---

 

Upon returning to the village, now bustling with the nightlife, Kakashi moved by rooftop past the villagers and shinobi alike now gathering with friends to spend the night out and about. The cheers and laughter below him hardly reached his ears, the jōnin entirely to focused on getting back home as he leapt from house to house.

 

He hoped Iruka had settled down, maybe even fallen asleep, pitying how distressed he had been. The look on his face so vulnerable, yet trusting him enough to witness him in such a fragile state.

 

With one final dash across a rooftop, Kakashi hopped down, approaching his house with quiet steps. The silver-haired shinobi took the radio out of his pocket, glancing down at it for a second.

 

Before he even reached the door, he heard Bisuke sound off a muffled alarm, and silently praised the ninken for alerting. Even if it was just him, he had given the small dog instructions to protect no matter what. The dog was vigilantly sniffing at the air to identify the shinobi once he opened the door and stepped through, tail wagging slightly a moment later.

 

Iruka was still awake, but he looked even more exhausted than Kakashi felt after running for nearly two hours straight. 

 

Kakashi pushed the door closed behind him, his eye not leaving Iruka's form on the couch. 

 

The younger stared at him like a deer in the headlights and Kakashi felt pinned to the spot, taking in the emotion so clearly painted on his face. Only the chūnin's faint voice broke him of the state, the softness in his tone rendering him speechless, but putting his body in motion. Little to the jōnin's knowledge at the time, the younger's words were not intended for whatever it was he held so dearly for the radio. Chalking it up to being emotionally tired, he went to Iruka's side, glancing at Bisuke, who twitched a floppy ear, and Kakashi crouched down to the chūnin's level to look him in the eye, taking one of Iruka's outstretched hands.

 

“Hey, it's okay,” he whispered reassuringly, holding up the radio for Iruka to see and giving him a warm smile beneath his mask. “It’s right back where it belongs.” To prove his words true and in hopes of easing Iruka, Kakashi gently placed the radio on the cushion, right by the chūnin's free hand.

 

But Iruka continued to stare at him, cheeks stained by tears.

 

Still, the sight of his friend alone was grounding enough, and Iruka's fingers twitched, brushing the hard material of the radio. 

 

“Why don't we go on a walk,” Kakashi murmured, more so a suggestion than question, searching Iruka's dark, red-rimmed eyes. Perhaps fresh air would do him good, help clear his mind now that his treasure was back to him, and he could come back and sleep easy with Bisuke to keep him warm.

 

He watched Iruka nod his head in agreement, the smallest of smiles curling at his lips.


	8. Without Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. the shit yall have been waiting for. youre welcome. iruka stop crying he loves you i promise he does  
> [as of 5/27/19 this chapter is complete]

[[SAD MACHINE | PORTER ROBINSON]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYNTVCbDHOA)

 

“Kakashi...I…” Iruka began, as they stopped near an ancient Sakura tree, one both remembered being by the stream ever since they were children. “I need to explain myself.” The chuunin took a deep breath, staring down at their feet, unable to meet his friend’s gaze.

 

The world around them had grown quiet with a gentle chill, as if winter whispered through their thoughts, an apprehensive shiver shared between them.

 

“...I’ve been acting...so on edge recently,” Iruka closed his eyes, a sigh escaping his dry lips. “And it’s...not fair for you not to know why.”

 

Kakashi simply shifted his weight to his other leg, and waited patiently for the chuunin to continue.

 

“You’re my friend.” Iruka finally brought his eyes up to meet Kakashi’s. “We _both_ know what that means to one another.”

 

The jonin was taken aback by the serious look that clouded the chuunin’s face, as if his will, his determination alone was an aura emanating from his very soul.

 

“You’ve lost the ones you were closest to. You lost your teammates, your father, your sensei. You’ve lost it all. And I…” He took a deep breath, eyes narrowing as he forced back tears. “I _know_ that you try to keep aloof so others don’t...don’t _try_ to be your friend. I _know_ you try to keep others safe by pushing them away, even if not intentionally.”

 

Kakashi stepped back, heart shuddering at how perceptive the young shinobi was.

 

“I _get_ it.” Iruka swallowed hard around the words, as if they pained him. “And I did the opposite. In my loneliness, I threw away my dignity for attention, did everything I could just to get someone to _notice_ me.” He sniffed, blinking rapidly.

 

“But _you_ noticed me. When I _wasn’t_ looking for help. When I _didn’t_ know I was lost.” The chuunin’s bottom lip was quivering now. “And we _both_ have Naruto to thank for making us the men we are today, let’s _never_ forget that.”

 

Kakashi was now just a stained glass shell of himself, a watercolor painting amongst the beautiful late spring scenery as Iruka’s eyes welled with countless shining tears.

 

“I _don’t ever_ want you to push me away.” He smiled, like he always did, Kakashi realized with a heavy heart, when he cried. “I want to stay by your side no matter _what_ happens. We made our mistakes, we ignored the cries for help from those who depended on us, and we made our amends by raising Naruto to be who he is today.”

 

Iruka took a step towards Kakashi, the distance between them disappearing as another step was taken.

 

“When I told you I...valued our friendship...I meant…” The young shinobi reached out, slowly this time, gently taking Kakashi’s scarred hands in his, stroking them with his thumbs. “I meant…”

 

A tender squeeze as Iruka’s face crumpled.

 

“...Earlier, I...I couldn’t stop thinking about how…how you looked when...when Pain…” He struggled valiantly not to break down entirely. “I was...I was so scared. Scared that I... _we_ …would lose you. And when you came back...I told myself I’d...I’d never let that happen, ever again.”

 

Iruka’s entire body shook, his hands trembling wildly as the tears flowed effortlessly down his face.

 

The words all came out in a rush as Iruka shakily brought Kakashi’s hands to his forehead, bowing.

 

“That’s why I asked you to test me today. If I can...If I can become as strong as you, I can protect you. You can stop pushing your friends away, because _I’ll_ protect you.”

 

He paused, the first sob racking his body without mercy, voice cracking as it strained against his very heartstrings.

 

“Because…. _I can't lose you.”_

 

The hands were abruptly dropped, and Kakashi could only watch in shock as Iruka suddenly wrapped his arms around his friend, pulling him into a tight hug, messy face buried in the crook of his neck.

 

“When I said _‘I miss you_ ,’” he wept, teeth grit, “It’s because the first time, you _couldn't_ hear it. You were laying there, _dead!_ ” He let out a pitiful noise, a child’s cry, grip tightening almost painfully. “And I _knew,_ I would _die_ regretting never telling you the things I was so desperate to say.”

 

Then there was silence, the only thing breaking the calm twilight being Iruka’s uneven gasps for air as he broke down.

 

“I…I love…” The young shinobi just couldn't say it. No matter what he did, it wouldn't come out.

 

“Forgive me.” He pleaded. “I’ve been such a burden to you for so long.” He had resorted to panting now, short rhythmic inhales torturing his lungs as the dizziness set in. “I don't want you to push me away, because you're afraid I’ll just _die_ on you, like _everyone else.”_

 

The silence this time was hot. It was the agony of boiling tea spilled on your hands, it was the summer sun with no shade, it was the branding iron of passion.

 

“ _Goddamn it, Kakashi!”_ Iruka cried out, “I want to _live_ for you! I’m so _sick_ of being scared...I just...I just...want you...to understand...how much...I…”

 

The chuunin’s fingers lifted to press against the back of the jonin’s head, fingers digging into the soft white locks.

 

“I _need_ you. As my _friend._ Because I couldn't be there for you when you needed someone, I want to be there for you _now._ Do you understand?”

 

His strength ebbed drastically, hands slipping as he simply leaned his weight into the shinobi.

 

“I...I can’t die with regrets. Not with seeing how scared and lonely Naruto was as a child...not with seeing you laying there…”

 

But his words were not in vain, as he was securely held up by his friend, who’s grip on him was twice as strong.

 

“That’s what I meant…” Iruka had finally been reduced to slow pants and whimpers. “You mean...so much to me. I never want you...to think...otherwise.”

 

Kakashi simply nodded, eyes burning like hell as his heart was torn asunder.

 

\--

 

It would never cease to amaze Kakashi just how damned perceptive Iruka was when it came to others. How he'd have their hearts figured out long before they could realize. 

 

It pained Kakashi to see him become so upset with him. No,  _ for _ him, that he had the jōnin speechless, heart thudding.

 

The chūnin had seemed so small then, and it was odd seeing him so, when he was usually so vibrant and full of life, yet not taking anyone's nonsense and more than willing to lay down the law if needed. 

 

Iruka's words hit Kakashi harder than any punch to the gut, and he felt himself drowning in every possible emotion, lost in the sea of the other's passion. He fought to keep himself afloat, his thoughts buffeted by a raging sky.

 

Every feeling clashing with one another, the emotions in his heart a maelstrom, until something within him  _ clicked _ , and they became one entity. 

 

Clarity struck him like a bird taking flight on a new dawn. The storm settled, and Iruka remained, the sun breaking through the empty rain clouds as they parted. Golden light and a sunshine smile.

 

Kakashi dared not let go of Iruka till he knew he was fine. The chūnin was a comforting weight in his arms, safe, and just right. For once, the jōnin felt like there was so much for him to say all at once, but words failed him, as they usually did. His arms gave Iruka a gentle squeeze instead, as if that would suffice. 

 

He had no idea...no idea his death, although brief, had sparked such a reaction in the man. Had he been holding it in all this time?

 

Struggling to think, Kakashi was simply overwhelmed by the chūnin's words. They hit him like a brick wall, stunning him more than even the most deadly of genjutsu.

 

It must have taken a lot of courage to admit all of this, to have looked him in the eye and pinned him to the spot. But, it came to no surprise when he thought about it. Iruka was such a passionate person, and Kakashi couldn't have felt more grateful that the chūnin cared about him as much as he said.

 

“Thank you, Iruka-sensei…” Kakashi whispered, voice low and throat dry. It was all he could say. Nothing he could say could do what he felt so deeply in his chest any justice. 

 

Iruka sniffled quietly, slightly embarrassed, but so much more relieved than anything. He gently pushed away from Kakashi, rubbing at his nose with the back of a hand. Once he felt a little more composed, he peered up at the jōnin with dark eyes, smiling weakly, which only stunned the silver-haired shinobi into more silence.

 

He was beautiful.

 

Kakashi felt as if his chest caved in on itself.

 

Why had it only taken him just then to realize that?

 

“S-sorry,” Iruka managed with a bitter chuckle, glancing away before he looked up at his friend, whose lone eye searched his. “I just..needed you to know that…”

 

Giving him a warm smile, Kakashi found himself missing the subtle heat of his body against his.

 

“I'm glad. I...” the jōnin began, unsure how to voice what he felt without coming out too strong. Which was easier said than done. He liked being to the point, but...he just couldn't, not then. Not when he was still figuring out just what it was that the sight and thought of Iruka filled his heart with. He was only just beginning to unravel years of veiled emotions, and he knew the time wasn't right, and may never will be.

 

Until then...

 

“I'm glad to have you by my side.”

 

Iruka let the summer shine at night through his smile.

 

"Then as long as you'll have me," The tears shone in the moonlight, "I'll never leave it."

 


	9. Signal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iruka is a sad boy, come back more for the exact same shit of him being sad

**[[breathe | lauv]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwTULrIL94s) **

It was later that night, and Iruka was determined to not let it be a repeat of the night before.    
  
The pair of shinobi walked along the paved pathway through Konoha, sandals scuffing sakura petals into the air. There was a slight chill in the air, a sign of rain to come shadowing the farthest corner of late spring skies. A pocket radio hung from the younger’s belt, a familiar song serenading them, echoing out into the lonely night.    
  
Iruka’s head ached, as if an invisible weight hung from it, especially behind his eyes, which were barely open. His foot caught a stray twig, and he tripped, catching himself just in time. The sharp spike in adrenaline lasted just a few seconds, and once it passed, he fell back into a shuffling stupor.    
  
Kakashi’s hand reached out, softly grabbing hold of his friend’s shoulder.    
  
“Iruka.” The voice was low. Gentle.    
  
The man’s reaction was delayed, but he managed to jerkily turn his head to face the voice, only finding it impossible to keep focus on only one part of the joniin’s face. It was if his eyes had a mind of their own, crossing in and out dizzyingly. How annoying.    
  
“You’re practically sleepwalking,” Kakashi murmured, concern thick on his lips, stepping closer, hand lifting to brush his scarred knuckles to Iruka’s cheek.    
  
In any other circumstance, his friend’s knees would have buckled at the tender gesture, something absolutely unheard of between men.   
  
But this time, he leaned into it, nodding.    
  
“S’fine,” he slurred. “Just...stop...moving.” His hands reached out to “steady” the shinobi in front of him, when in reality, he was the one wobbling.    
  
“My place is right down here.” Kakashi slid under the man’s shoulder effortlessly, supporting his weight.    
  
“Mm-mm.” Iruka protested weakly, “Wanna...lookit...stars.”   
  
The joniin paused.    
  
He...what?   
  
“...Miss you…” Iruka began to mumble incoherently, and Kakashi shook his head, chuckling under his breath.    
  
With the older man’s help, they rounded the corner where Kakashi’s house lay, the small herb garden in the front planters fragrant in the humid night.    
  
The stairs...the stairs were another thing entirely. After Iruka nearly face planted twice, Kakashi voted to just haul him up, bridal style.    
  
He felt his heart beat just a little harder when the young man’s head shifted to face him, nuzzling into his shoulder with a weak whine. Poor bastard. Kakashi wished he had an extra hand to rub the stupid blush off his cheeks.    
  
The whole “get the key in the keyhole” business was a pain, but worth it, as Iruka’s left hand curled tightly around his shirt, pulling it closer, as if for comfort. Ugh, this was cute.    
  
Kakashi made a face, but it soon faded into a kind smile. The smile quickly faded too, however, when he realized putting his friend down on the couch would be more trouble than he anticipated.    
  
The jonin knew first hand how heavy deadweight was, but not when it was still...clinging to you.    
  
In a less than graceful movement, Kakashi found himself tumbling down onto the couch after Iruka, feet scrambling for a hold on the tatami mats.    
  
“...Don’t...go…” Iruka whispered, but his friend heard the whimper that lay like an abandoned dog underneath. “....Stay...just...a little...longer…” He begged, vision drifting aimlessly across the jonin’s face, tears already beading at the corners. “Miss you...so much…”    
  
By this time, he was delirious from the intensity of the headache, but still, he clung as if the world depended on it.    
  
Kakashi swallowed thickly.    
  
Slowly, he sat up, and in time, tenderly brushed back stray strands of hair from Iruka’s face, before carefully easing out the tie from the ponytail. Mindlessly, he ran his fingers through the thick, supple locks, eye fixed on the steady rise and fall of his friend’s chest.    
  
What was this quiet desperation? Was it mutual? Some sort of hidden desire, or was it an undeniable need for...something, even if it was nameless?    
  
Kakashi got up only after he was sure Iruka was fast asleep, and stared blindly at the pocket radio on the kitchen table for a good, long time.    
  
He was tired, but not sleepy. The usual. But he had time to think.    
  
What was he going on about, stargazing?    
  
Maybe...Kakashi hated the idea of leaving the house with Iruka so vulnerable, so he sufficed by sticking his head out the front window and craning his head up.    
  
What star...or constellation had he been wanting to see?    
  
Kakashi pondered for a few more moments before shutting the window and locking it again. He’d make tea, sit, and think about all that had happened. This certainly wasn’t battle wisdom he’d need to draw upon.    
  
Damn, he wished Rin was here. She’d know exactly what to do, or even Minato…   
  
He sat back in his chair and sighed, eyes closed as he went over the past events of the last few days

 

\--

 

The clock chimed softly in the night, the sound echoing off of the moonbeams that streamed through the living room window and washed over Iruka’s sleeping form. He stirred briefly, sighing into Bisuke’s soft fur, pulling the ninken into his arms just a little bit more. 

 

But it was no use. Once his breathing shifted, he was awake, and there’d be no falling asleep in a strange house any time soon. 

 

With a quiet huff, he stretched a bit, and yawned, disturbing Bisuke from his nap. The ninken simply watched him with ever-droopy eyes. 

 

Iruka unsteadily got to his feet, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders like a cape for warmth. Dark, sleepy eyes took in the hand radio that sat on the coffee table next to him, the music crackling and humming like it had never left. Wordlessly, he picked it up, and padded to a more open spot on the floor, before sitting down cross legged, with it in his lap. 

 

He held it in numb hands, the weight and texture bringing him an indescribable comfort. His calloused fingers rubbed desperately against the grill of the speaker, the raw, consistent pain soothing and comforting to him while his thumb repeatedly stroked the carved characters of “Umino” on the side. 

 

Iruka brought his head down, pressing his headband to the handle, eyes closed tight as he focused every fiber of his being into letting the rhythm replace his heartbeat, the melody flow through his veins, the sound encompass and consume his every thought. 

 

“Dad…” He mumbled weakly. He was too tired to cry. “I need you. I’m so lost…” But despite their dryness, his eyes tortured him with the all too familiar stinging sensation, with no relief. 

 

Bisuke frowned from where he’d flopped on the couch, and silently made his way down to where the shinobi sat, sitting beside him in solace. 

 

“I want to...pretend none of this happened.” He continued, rocking back and forth ever so slightly. “I want him to be happy. I want him to not have a care in the world, especially not me.” 

 

Bisuke cocked his head, but remained quiet. 

 

“But I still want to be his friend. I want to be there for him, like he has for me, for all of us.”

 

Suddenly, his face scrunched up as a bitterness swept over him.

 

“But Dad, I...I have...I have this  _ ache _ in my heart...when I see him. When he sm-smiles at me...I feel…” He swallowed back a hiccup, tears cool to his burning eyes. “I feel…” 

 

Iruka let out a shaky sigh. 

 

“I feel like I want to be...the only one who makes him smile, Dad.  _ I _ want to be...the one who keeps him happy…” The shinobi leaned back, looking down at his father’s pocket radio. “...Is that...so wrong?”

 

Blinking, he turned the dial to the station he last remembered hearing his father on. 

 

Static. 

 

“I need you, Dad.” He breathed. “I think I...I may want him more than a friend should.” Lovingly, he ran his palms across the radio. 

 

Iruka blinked the last of the tears away before looking up. He slowly rose to his feet, and padded to the front door. The blanket wrapped around the radio in one arm, he opened it and stepped out. He made quick work of the little shed as he leapt onto the shingles of the roof, bare feet digging into the rough texture. 

 

Once he had settled, he lay the radio beside him, blanket bunched around his shoulders. He needed to see the stars right now. 

 

“Dad, Mom...I…” Iruka called out to the abyss in hushed tones. “I want to make you proud. And you too, Lord Third.” He watched thin, wispy clouds flow over the star studded sky, like a misty river. “But I don’t understand...I just don’t understand...how…” 

 

Iruka suddenly stiffened, sensing something, or someone nearby. But even as he looked around, nothing came to light. 

 

Convinced he was just hearing things, he relaxed. 

 

“Dad, I…you always told me to find someone kind like Mom, and...Mom always bragged about how lucky she was to have someone as strong hearted as you.” He lay back on the roof, staring up into the heavens. 

 

“But what do I do if I find someone as brave, as caring, as loyal as Dad? What if that’s the person I want to share my life with?” Iruka murmured, “And...what if I’ve already found someone just like Mom...so compassionate and loving...what do I do when two people are so precious to me?” 

 

“That seems like a pretty big dilemma.” Bisuke woofed softly, having followed the shinobi up. Kakashi  _ had _ given him explicit orders to watch over him. 

 

Iruka froze at the voice, turning bright red. 

 

“B-Bisuke!” He squeaked, “Have y-you--”

 

“Been listening?” The ninken gave him a lazy dog-smile, scratching his long, floppy ears. “These aren’t just for looks, y’know.” 

 

Iruka sighed deeply, sitting up.

 

“You...won’t tell him these things, will you?” He whispered, “I...I think I should tell him myself...How much I care about him.” 

 

Bisuke nodded. 

 

“I think he’ll appreciate the truth. But don’t force it, y’know.” 

 

Iruka nodded slowly at the ninken’s advice. 

 

“...I think I’ll come down now.” 

 

\--

 

Iruka just couldn't get comfortable. He felt tiny in the empty house, and it unnerved him to no end. 

 

Frustrated, he got up, still swaddled in the blanket, Bisuke now riding on his shoulders like a stole. Radio in hand, though now it was turned down to where the static was barely noticeable, he made his way to Kakashi’s bedroom. 

 

He was going to tell him.

 

He would just. Sit down with him, look him in the eye and tell him how he felt. Tell him that he didn’t understand it, but he wanted to be closer to him than he was to anyone else. To shoulder his burdens and share in his happiness. 

 

Tell him…

 

He wanted to...be with him. 

 

There was no response to his knocks or whispers, however. Carefully, he turned the doorknob and peeked in. 

 

The man seemed to be sound asleep in bed. 

 

Iruka blinked. Then, without a word, stepped inside, closing the door behind him. 

 

He set down his radio, following suit, wrapping himself up in the blanket like it was a bedroll, and using Bisuke as a stuffed animal again, holding him close in one arm as the other acted like a cushion for his head. 

 

He could hear Kakashi’s heavy breathing in tune with the white noise of the radio. Both comforted him immensely, and he found himself drifting off in just a few minutes before falling into a deep sleep. 

 

The static grew louder in the night, then cut off suddenly. A strange sound broadcast over the air. It was muffled. But if you listened closely, you could make out just three words in a man’s voice. 

 

_ “I love you.”  _

 

But then, there was nothing. 

 

The batteries had died. 

 


	10. Perfect Tsukuyomi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here it is folks. its gonna happen. dont skip down to the end to spoil it you dummy just enjoy these idiots

**[[nandemonaiya | ghibli version]](Kakashi%20had%20eventually%20resigned%20to%20bed,%20after%20spending%20some%20time%20at%20the%20kitchen%20table,%20thoughts%20having%20everything%20to%20do%20with%20the%20man%20now%20slumbering%20on%20his%20couch%20until%20it%20became%20too%20much%20and%20he%20got%20up,%20leaving%20his%20hardly-touched%20tea%20sitting.%20He%E2%80%99d%20clean%20up%20in%20the%20morning.%20%20Before%20he%20disappeared%20into%20his%20bedroom,%20he%20took%20the%20radio%20from%20the%20table%20and%20placed%20it%20on%20the%20coffee%20table%20by%20the%20couch,%20then%20made%20sure%20to%20drape%20a%20blanket%20over%20Iruka,%20and%20Bisuke%20had%20lifted%20his%20head%20from%20his%20spot%20to%20blink%20sleepily%20at%20his%20Master,%20curled%20up%20in%20the%20curve%20of%20the%20ch%C5%ABnin%E2%80%99s%20body.%20He%20did%20not%20miss%20the%20shinobi%20gaze%20at%20the%20other%20man%20for%20but%20a%20brief%20moment,%20but%20he%20didn%E2%80%99t%20think%20too%20much%20of%20it%20-%20human%E2%80%99s%20were%20strange,%20and%20had%20too%20many%20emotions%20running%20through%20their%20bodies%20and%20minds.%20The%20ninken%20smiled%20when%20Kakashi%E2%80%99s%20hand%20reached%20down%20towards%20him%20to%20ruffle%20his%20head,%20watching%20Kakashi%20retreat%20without%20a%20word%20and%20letting%20out%20a%20content%20yawn,%20a%20paw%20extending%20and%20quivering%20with%20a%20stretch%20before%20he%20nuzzled%20his%20nose%20back%20into%20the%20cozy%20warmth%20of%20his%20own%20fur.%20%20Thankfully,%20Kakashi%20did%20not%20have%20much%20time%20to%20dwell%20on%20more%20thoughts%20before%20he%20succumbed%20to%20sleep,%20dozing%20off%20rather%20quickly.%20More%20than%20likely%20due%20to%20his%20bad%20choices%20earlier%20that%20day.%20%20He%20slept%20more%20soundly%20than%20usual,%20but%20his%20resting%20mind%20was%20disturbed%20by%20disjointed%20words,%20someone%E2%80%99s%20voice%20breaking%20through%20his%20otherwise%20dreamless%20night.%20%20%20At%20first,%20he%20felt%20as%20though%20he%20was%20in%20his%20own%20living%20room,%20darkness%20pervading%20in%20the%20middle%20of%20the%20night.%20A%20familiar%20voice%20spoke%20quietly%20in%20the%20unlit%20room,%20close%20yet%20hushed.%20Obvious%20that%20it%20was%20meant%20for%20no%20one%20else%20to%20hear.%20%20%E2%80%98I%20want%20to%20be%20there%20for%20him%E2%80%A6%E2%80%99%20%20The%20words%20brought%20a%20peacefulness%20to%20his%20weary%20mind%20that%20he%20had%20not%20known%20for%20years,%20and%20a%20pleased%20sigh%20escaped%20him%20in%20his%20sleep.%20%20%20He%20tried%20to%20find%20where%20the%20voice%20was%20coming%20from,%20but%20there%20was%20nothing%20else%20to%20this%20weird%20dream,%20and%20even%20when%20he%20tried%20to%20move,%20nothing%20happened.%20Blackness%20surrounded%20him,%20but%20he%20felt%20no%20dread.%20Serenity%20filled%20his%20head%20in%20this%20strange%20void.%20%20%E2%80%98I%20want%20to%20be...the%20one%20who%20keeps%20him%20happy%E2%80%A6%E2%80%99%20%20%E2%80%98...want%20him%20more%20than%20a%20friend%20should%E2%80%A6%E2%80%99%20%20Kakashi%20clung%20to%20the%20voice%20as%20much%20as%20he%20could.%20No%20matter%20how%20hard%20he%20tried%20to%20catch%20it,%20to%20hold%20it%20close%20to%20his%20heart%20and%20let%20it%20fill%20his%20being,%20setting%20him%20aglow,%20it%20was%20gone%20in%20a%20matter%20of%20seconds.%20%20After%20a%20while,%20the%20voice%20no%20longer%20sounded,%20and%20he%20found%20himself%20longing%20to%20hear%20it,%20but%20if%20he%20were%20to%20wake%20up,%20try%20to%20figure%20out%20where%20it%20was%20coming%20from,%20he%20may%20never%20hear%20it%20again.%20He%20was%20only%20hearing%20a%20dream,%20afterall.%20%20Just%20when%20he%20was%20going%20to%20give%20up%20hope,%20the%20voice%20came%20to%20him,%20much%20more%20distant%20and%20he%20could%20hardly%20make%20out%20the%20words,%20but%20it%20was%20there.%20There.%20And%20that%20was%20all%20he%20needed.%20%20Something%20in%20his%20mind%20was%20telling%20him%20that%20he%20was%20outside%20now,%20staring%20up%20at%20the%20small%20shed%20by%20his%20house,%20and%20he%20strained%20to%20hear%20the%20words%20come%20through,%20drifting%20down%20to%20where%20he%20stood.%20%20%E2%80%98B-Bisuke!%E2%80%99%20%20Bisuke?%20The%20voice%20was%20talking%20to%20his%20ninken?%20%20Surely,%20Bisuke%20was%20sleeping%20out%20on%20the%20couch.%20Of%20course,%20Kakashi%20could%20hear%20things%20that%20his%20ninken%20could%20when%20they%20were%20out%20on%20missions,%20gathering%20intel%20for%20him.%20Right%20now,%20though,%20his%20other%20ninken%20were%20enjoying%20a%20break%20from%20missions,%20while%20Bisuke%20remained%20at%20his%20house%20just%20for%20a%20little%20while.%20%20Strange.%20Kakashi%20didn%E2%80%99t%20think%20about%20it%20too%20much,%20not%20with%20it%20being%20a%20dream.%20He%E2%80%99d%20forget%20about%20it%20in%20the%20morning%20when%20he%20woke.%20Things%20were%20going%20quiet%20now,%20anyway,%20and%20he%20didn%E2%80%99t%20get%20any%20sort%20of%20conclusion%20to%20who%20the%20voice%20belonged%20to.%20%20The%20voice%20was%20gone%20again,%20and%20it%20didn%E2%80%99t%20come%20back%20that%20night,%20leaving%20him%20to%20drift%20by%20his%20lonesome%20once%20more.%20%20Hours%20later,%20Kakashi%20stirred,%20shifting%20about%20to%20get%20comfortable%20on%20his%20mattress,%20and%20he%20blearily%20opened%20his%20slate%20gray%20eye,%20staring%20up%20at%20the%20ceiling.%20It%20was%20still%20fairly%20dark%20out,%20with%20the%20beginnings%20of%20dawn%20taking%20over%20the%20sky,%20and%20he%20caught%20a%20faint%20glimpse%20of%20the%20stars%20outside%20his%20window.%20%20%20It%20took%20him%20a%20moment%20to%20sense%20that%20he%20was%20not%20alone%20in%20his%20bedroom.%20%20Kakashi%20peered%20over%20the%20edge%20of%20his%20bed,%20having%20just%20then%20heard%20quiet%20breathing%20coming%20from%20below,%20and%20found%20Iruka%20passed%20out%20on%20the%20floor,%20a%20blanket%20wrapped%20around%20him%20and%20Bisuke%20curled%20by%20his%20legs.%20When%20did%20he%E2%80%A6?%20His%20eyes%20caught%20sight%20of%20Iruka%E2%80%99s%20radio%20close%20by%20his%20head,%20no%20sound%20coming%20from%20it.%20%20The%20j%C5%8Dnin%20quietly%20got%20out%20of%20bed,%20stepping%20lightly%20around%20Iruka.%20He%20wasn%E2%80%99t%20sure%20how%20he%20managed%20to%20be%20comfortable%20enough%20to%20fall%20asleep%20in%20such%20a%20spot,%20but%20he%20wasn%E2%80%99t%20about%20to%20let%20him%20stay%20there%20a%20moment%20longer.%20%20Bisuke%20snuffled,%20raising%20his%20snout%20to%20see%20his%20Master.%20Ah,%20he%20won%E2%80%99t%20be%20needed%20to%20keep%20an%20eye%20on%20Iruka%20any%20longer.%20Just%20like%20that,%20the%20ninken%20poofed,%20returning%20to%20his%20packmates.%20%20Carefully,%20Kakashi%20crouched%20down,%20sliding%20his%20hands%20under%20Iruka%E2%80%99s%20head%20and%20legs,%20easing%20him%20up%20into%20his%20arms.%20He%20was%20relieved%20to%20find%20he%20was%20such%20a%20heavy%20sleeper%20-%20or%20just%20too%20damn%20exhausted%20-%20and%20took%20him%20over%20to%20his%20bed,%20laying%20him%20down.%20%20%20Apparently,%20the%20man%20hadn%E2%80%99t%20learned%20his%20lesson%20the%20last%20time,%20and%20nearly%20squawked%20when%20Iruka%20had%20subconsciously%20grabbed%20onto%20him%20and%20pulled%20Kakashi%20down%20with%20him,%20gracelessly%20flopping%20back%20into%20bed.%20Kakashi%20flushed%20at%20how%20closely%20their%20bodies%20were%20pressed%20together%20in%20his%20bed,%20and%20Iruka%20was%20determined%20not%20to%20let%20go,%20even%20in%20his%20sleep.%20%20With%20enough%20cautious%20prying,%20Kakashi%20managed%20to%20release%20himself%20just%20as%20the%20sun%20began%20its%20ascent%20over%20the%20mountains.%20%20%20He%20pushed%20himself%20back,%20shimmying%20far%20enough%20away%20that%20Iruka%20wouldn%E2%80%99t%20immediately%20latch%20onto%20him%20if%20he%20tried.%20He%20didn%E2%80%99t%20have%20the%20largest%20of%20beds,%20so%20it%20was%20a%20bit%20of%20a%20challenge.%20%20If%20he%20was%20honest,%20he%E2%80%99d%20have%20stayed%20there%20in%20his%20arms.%20He%E2%80%99d%20have%20wrapped%20his%20own%20around%20the%20ch%C5%ABnin%E2%80%99s%20shoulders,%20pressed%20his%20nose%20to%20his%20hair,%20and%20remained%20there%20until%20someone%20came%20knocking%20at%20his%20disappearance.%20Kakashi%20would%20have%20stayed%20there%20forever%20if%20he%20had%20any%20say%20in%20the%20matter.%20%20The%20shinobi%20cursed,%20aggravated%20with%20himself%20for%20giving%20into%20such%20selfish%20thoughts.%20He%20supposed%20it%20couldn%E2%80%99t%20be%20helped,%20especially%20not%20with%20the%20man%20that%20his%20heart%20twisted%20for%20at%20the%20mere%20thought%20of%20nowadays%20was%20only%20inches%20away,%20his%20facial%20features%20completely%20relaxed%20as%20he%20slept.%20His%20mouth%20was%20slightly%20parted,%20soft%20breaths%20passing%20his%20even%20softer%20lips,%20and%20Kakashi%20was%20finding%20himself%20wanting%20to%20find%20out%20how%20just%20soft%20they%20were%20against%20his%20own.%20If%20he%20just%20closed%20the%20small%20distance%20between%20them,%20he%20could%E2%80%A6%20%20Blinking,%20Kakashi%20shook%20his%20head%20at%20the%20notion,%20forcing%20himself%20to%20roll%20over%20and%20scoot%20as%20far%20as%20possible%20to%20the%20edge%20of%20the%20bed%20without%20falling%20off.%20What%20the%20hell%20was%20he%20thinking?%20%20He%20knew%20Iruka%20wouldn%E2%80%99t%20appreciate%20him%20doing%20that%20-%20if%20he%20had%20happened%20to%20wake%20up,%20that%20is.%20But,%20god,%20did%20he%20want%20to,%20even%20just%20a%20touch%E2%80%A6%20%20No%20matter%20what%20he%20did%20around%20the%20ch%C5%ABnin%20in%20recent%20days,%20%20%20%20Allowing%20himself%20one%20last%20glance%20over%20his%20shoulder%20at%20Iruka,%20his%20face%20framed%20by%20his%20dark%20hair,%20Kakashi%20felt%20his%20heart%20skip%20a%20beat%20and%20a%20fond%20smile%20take%20over%20his%20lips.%20He%20blushed%20once%20he%20turned%20away%20again,%20damning%20himself%20when%20he%20knew%20it%20was%20pointless.%20He%20knew%20Iruka%E2%80%99s%20heart%20was%20for%20Tsubaki,%20knew%20that%20he%20would%20wake%20up%20one%20day%20to%20her%20face%20and%20smile%20at%20her%20like%20Kakashi%20did%20then.%20Knew%20that%20smile%20would%20not%20be%20for%20him.%20%20Sometimes,%20he%20felt%20like%20he%20was%20wrong.%20Sometimes,%20Iruka%20smiled%20at%20him%20in%20such%20a%20way,%20got%20flustered%20around%20him,%20and%20sometimes%20Kakashi%20thought%20that%20maybe,%20he%20was%20lying%20to%20himself,%20and%20maybe,%20just%20maybe,%20Iruka%20was%20smiling%20at%20him%20like%20that.%20But%20seeing%20the%20way%20the%20ch%C5%ABnin%20had%20gazed%20at%20the%20woman,%20fitted%20her%20with%20clothing,%20laughed,%20had%20went%20to%20press%20his%20lips%20to%20hers...Kakashi%20knew%20it%20was%20all%20wishful%20thinking.%20%20They%20had%20been%20through%20much%20together.%20%20Why%20would%20Iruka%20throw%20that%20all%20away%20for%20someone%20like%20him?%20%20Still...still%20he%20had%20him%20in%20his%20life,%20be%20it%20a%20friend%20and%20nothing%20more.%20And%20if%20that%20was%20all%20he%20could%20hope%20for,%20then%20he%E2%80%99d%20take%20it.%20%20%20It%E2%80%99d%20be%20selfish%20of%20him,%20but%20he%20could%20still%20tease%20him%20a%20bit.%20There%20wasn%E2%80%99t%20any%20harm%20in%20that,%20right?%20After%20all,%20he%20promised%20that%20he%20would%20protect%20him.%20A%20promise%20for%20himself%20and%20Tsubaki.%20It%20wouldn%E2%80%99t%20do%20much%20to%20ease%20his%20longing%20heart,%20but%E2%80%A6%20%20Kakashi%20heaved%20a%20sigh.%20%20He%20needed%20to%20get%20away%20before%20he%20let%20his%20thoughts%20get%20too%20far.%20The%20shinobi%20got%20up%20again%20that%20morning,%20pushing%20himself%20to%20his%20feet%20and%20slid%20slippers%20that%20had%20been%20gifted%20to%20him%20by%20Naruto%20on.%20%20Foolishly,%20he%20turned%20back%20to%20Iruka,%20giving%20him%20one%20last%20look.%20To%20Kakashi,%20he%20looked%20perfect%20there,%20wrapped%20snugly%20in%20one%20of%20his%20blankets,%20dim%20morning%20light%20casting%20a%20slight%20glow%20on%20his%20back,%20the%20slow%20rise%20and%20fall%20of%20his%20chest.%20He%20saw%20the%20way%20his%20hand%20clutched%20at%20the%20sheets,%20fingers%20curled%20tightly%20like%20it%20was%20a%20lifeline.%20%20As%20carefully%20as%20he%20could,%20Kakashi%20leaned%20over%20and%20grabbed%20a%20couple%20of%20pillows,%20gently%20lifting%20Iruka%E2%80%99s%20arm%20to%20place%20them%20up%20against%20his%20body.%20There.%20That%20was%20better.%20Iruka%20had%20immediately%20hugged%20the%20pillow%20to%20him,%20looking%20much%20more%20pleased%20in%20his%20sleep.%20But%E2%80%A6%20%20With%20one%20final%20touch,%20the%20j%C5%8Dnin%20had%20found%20the%20bottle%20of%20cologne%20he%E2%80%99d%20use%20from%20time%20to%20time,%20and%20went%20back%20to%20move%20the%20pillow%20in%20order%20to%20spray%20the%20scent%20onto%20the%20cover,%20adjusting%20it%20back%20under%20Iruka%E2%80%99s%20arm.%20He%E2%80%99d%20sleep%20even%20more%20soundly%20with%20the%20scent%20of%20another%20by%20him.%20%20After%20tying%20a%20bandana%20around%20his%20head%20to%20cover%20up%20his%20nose%20and%20mouth,%20and%20picking%20up%20Iruka%E2%80%99s%20radio,%20Kakashi%20left%20the%20room%20to%20begin%20his%20morning,%20letting%20his%20friend%20get%20as%20much%20sleep%20as%20he%20could.%20%20---%20%20Sunshine%20stained%20the%20sleeping%20shinobi%E2%80%99s%20eyelids,%20warming%20his%20freckled%20cheeks%20as%20gentle%20birdsong%20reached%20his%20ears.%20A%20smile%20curled%20his%20lips%20as%20he%20snuggled%20into%20something%20plush%20and%20warm,%20soft%20sheets%20bunched%20up%20around%20him,%20the%20scent%20of%20someone%20familiar%20permeating%20his%20drowsiness.%20%20Iruka%20inhaled%20deeply,%20trying%20to%20place%20the%20cologne.%20%20Hmmm%E2%80%A6Kakashi-sensei,%20it%20must%20have%20been%20his%E2%80%A6%20%20He%20let%20out%20a%20contented%20sigh,%20hugging%20the%20warmth%20to%20him.%20%20Iruka%20was%20convinced%20he%20could%20stay%20like%20this%20forever.%20%20Except%E2%80%A6%20%20The%20smell%20of%20breakfast,%20stir%20fried%20vegetables%20and%20rice%20wafted%20from%20the%20land%20of%20the%20living,%20and%20Iruka%20bolted%20up%20in%20shock.%20%20Tsubaki!%20%20%20His%20eyes%20wide,%20he%20glanced%20around%20the%20room,%20panting%20heavily.%20His%20guard%20slowly%20lowered%20as%20he%20realized%20he%20was%20not%20at%20the%20homestead,%20but%E2%80%A6%20%20Was%20this%20Kakashi-sensei%E2%80%99s%20bedroom?%20%20He%20swallowed%20dryly,%20looking%20down.%20Two%20pillows%20had%20been%20lined%20up%20vertically,%20with%20the%20imprint%20of%20his%20body%20still%20on%20the%20left%20side%20of%20them.%20%20Blushing%20furiously,%20he%20stepped%20out%20on%20tender%20feet%20to%20the%20\(carpeted?!??!!\)%20floor,%20turning%20around%20to%20wordlessly%20make%20the%20bed.%20%20How%20had%20he%20wound%20up%20there...like%20that?!%20He%20and%20Kakashi%20hadn%E2%80%99t...certainly%20not.%20%20Iruka%20cleared%20his%20throat,%20lips%20pursed%20as%20he%20glanced%20up%20at%20the%20ceiling.%20His%20body%20certainly%20didn't%20feel%20any%20worse%20for%20wear,%20so%E2%80%A6%20%20The%20chuunin%20hastily%20put%20an%20end%20to%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sweat%20on%20his%20temple%20as%20his%20ears%20nearly%20blew%20steam.%20Did...did%20he%20really?%20Was%20he%20just...making%20this%20up?%20He%20seemed...so%20sincere%E2%80%A6%20%20%E2%80%9CNevermind%20it%20though,%E2%80%9D%20Kakashi%20chuckled%20warmly,%20%E2%80%9CIn%20all%20seriousness,%20are%20you%20feeling%20better?%E2%80%9D%20His%20gray%20eye%20was%20cool%20and%20gentle.%20%20The%20chuunin%20instinctively%20bowed,%20arms%20rigid%20to%20his%20sides.%20%20%E2%80%9CY-yes,%20very%20much,%20th-thank%20you.%20I%E2%80%99m%20sorry%20for%20all%20the%20trouble%20I%E2%80%99ve%20caused%20y--%E2%80%9D%20%20Kakashi%20held%20up%20his%20hands%20innocently,%20waving%20them.%20%20%E2%80%9CNo%20worries.%20I%E2%80%99m%20just%20happy%20you%E2%80%99re%20alright.%E2%80%9D%20He%20turned%20back%20to%20his%20cooking,%20flicking%20off%20the%20heat%20and%20taking%20the%20pan%20to%20the%20counter.%20%E2%80%9CNow,%20do%20me%20a%20favor%20and%20help%20me%20eat%20all%20of%20this.%20I%E2%80%99m%20not%20used%20to%20cooking%20for%20two,%20so%20I%20think%20I%20made%20a%20little%20much.%E2%80%9D%20His%20smile%20returned,%20even%20brighter%20than%20before.%20%20Iruka%E2%80%99s%20nose%20flushed%20hot%20pink%20as%20he%20straightened%20up.%20%20%E2%80%9CYou%E2%80%99re%20very%20kind,%20Kakashi-sensei.%20I%E2%80%99m%20very%20much%20in%20your%20debt.%E2%80%9D%20He%20said%20softly,%20cocoa%20eyes%20lowered,%20the%20blush%20nearly%20turning%20them%20rosy%20as%20well.%20%20%E2%80%9CAnd%20you%20can%20start%20paying%20it%20off%20by%20helping%20me%20get%20this%20damn%20apron%20off.%E2%80%9D%20Kakashi%20huffed%20with%20frustration%20as%20he%20turned%20to%20face%20away%20from%20his%20friend,%20fingers%20fumbling%20with%20the%20knot.%20%20Iruka%20swallowed%20hard,%20but%20nodded.%20He%20quickly%20relaxed,%20however,%20and%20let%20out%20a%20quiet%20laugh%20as%20he%20realized%20Kakashi%20hadn%E2%80%99t%20tied%20it%20right.%20%20%E2%80%9CIt%E2%80%99s%20because%20you%20didn%E2%80%99t%20tie%20it%20in%20a%20bow.%E2%80%9D%20He%20commented,%20swiftly%20undoing%20the%20tight%20knot,%20%E2%80%9CNext%20time,%20I%E2%80%99ll%20tie%20it%20for%20you,%20okay?%E2%80%9D%20He%20wasn%E2%80%99t%20aware%20of%20what%20he%20had%20insinuated,%20and%20Kakashi%20was%20thankful%20his%20friend%20couldn't%20see%20the%20blush%20on%20his%20own%20cheeks.%20%20%E2%80%9CDeal.%E2%80%9D%20The%20jonin%20responded%20gently,%20sighing%20as%20Iruka%20slid%20the%20apron%20off%20him.%20%20They%20sat%20down%20to%20eat,%20Iruka%20marveling%20Kakashi%E2%80%99s%20culinary%20finesse.%20They%20made%20pleasant%20smalltalk,%20avoiding%20the%20incidents%20of%20the%20night%20before.%20%20%E2%80%9CI%E2%80%99m%20looking%20forward%20to%20the%20Springs%20with%20you,%20Kakashi-sensei.%E2%80%9D%20The%20chuunin%20admitted,%20a%20little%20shyly.%20%E2%80%9CBut%20I%20wanted%20to%20ask%20you%20something.%E2%80%9D%20%20%E2%80%9CShoot,%E2%80%9D%20The%20jonin%20wiped%20his%20mouth%20on%20a%20napkin.%20%20%E2%80%9CWell,%20I...I%20want%20to%20get%20serious%20about%20my%20training.%E2%80%9D%20Iruka%E2%80%99s%20usually%20soft%20expression%20grew%20determined.%20%E2%80%9CI%20want%20to%20become%20a%20Jonin.%E2%80%9D%20He%20stated,%20his%20face%20scrunched%20into%20the%20most%20adorable%20pout%20Kakashi%20had%20ever%20seen,%20save%20Naruto%E2%80%99s.%20The%20man%E2%80%99s%20rounded%20cheeks%20did%20not%20do%20his%20emotions%20justice.%20%20%E2%80%9CYou%20do?%E2%80%9D%20%20%E2%80%9CYes.%20I%20want%20to%20become%20stronger,%20I%20want%20to%20be%20able%20to%20better%20protect%20those%20I%20lo-%E2%80%9D%20%20Don%E2%80%99t%20use%20that%20word,%20idiot!%20%20%E2%80%9CCare%20about.%20And%E2%80%A6%E2%80%9D%20His%20determined%20scowl%20broke%20into%20a%20sheepish%20grin.%20%E2%80%9CI%E2%80%99d%20really%20love%20to%20train%20my%20own%20trio%20of%20genin.%20It%20seems%20like%20a%20lot%20of%20fun.%E2%80%9D%20%20Kakashi%20snorted,%20pointing%20his%20fork%20at%20his%20friend%20for%20emphasis.%20%20%E2%80%9CIf%20you%20consider%20%E2%80%98fun%E2%80%99%20synonymous%20with%20%E2%80%98adolescent%20drama,%E2%80%99%20then%20yes.%20It%E2%80%99s%20just%20oodles.%E2%80%9D%20%20Iruka%20rolled%20his%20eyes%20at%20the%20playful%20jab.%20%20%E2%80%9CI%20get%20it.%20But%20I%E2%80%99m%20serious,%20Kakashi-sensei.%20It%E2%80%99s%20my%20dream%20to%20become%20a%20Jonin%20like%20you.%E2%80%9D%20He%20confessed,%20albeit%20looking%20as%20guilty%20as%20a%20puppy%20having%20been%20found%20in%20the%20food%20cabinet%20with%20a%20fat%20belly.%20%20His%20friend%20felt%20a%20heat%20creep%20over%20his%20body,%20settling%20on%20his%20pale%20cheeks.%20%20%E2%80%9CWell,%20I--%E2%80%9D%20%20Iruka%20glanced%20at%20the%20clock,%20and%20cut%20him%20off%20with%20a%20frantic%20%E2%80%9COh%20shit!%E2%80%9D%20%20%E2%80%9CWh-what%E2%80%99s%20wrong?!%E2%80%9D%20Kakashi%20left%20his%20dignity%20at%20the%20table%20as%20he%20leapt%20up%20in%20unison%20with%20the%20chuunin.%20%20%E2%80%9CI%E2%80%99ll%20never%20become%20a%20jonin%20if%20I%20can't%20even%20make%20it%20to%20school%20on%20time%20as%20a%20chuunin!%20I%E2%80%99ve%20got%20to%20hurry!%E2%80%9D%20%20The%20shinobi%20quickly%20collected%20his%20dishes%20in%20a%20pile%20and%20set%20them%20in%20the%20sink,%20apologizing%20profusely%20for%20not%20having%20time%20to%20help%20his%20friend%20wash%20up.%20%20Some%20things%20never%20changed.%20Kakashi%20laughed%20internally%20at%20the%20similarities%20to%20Iruka%20and%20his%20favorite%20student.%20%20He%20dashed%20to%20grab%20his%20radio%20on%20the%20coffee%20table,%20and%20flak%20jacket%20from%20the%20hook%20by%20the%20door.%20%20Kakashi%20let%20out%20a%20squawk,%20trying%20his%20best%20to%20find%20his%20voice%20to%20let%20his%20friend%20know%20that--%20%20But%20as%20he%20ran%20to%20meet%20Iruka%20at%20the%20door%20to%20stop%20him%20and%20correct%20his%20mistake,%20the%20shinobi%20found%20himself%20in%20an%20even%20more%20startling%20situation.%20%20Iruka%20had%20grabbed%20Kakashi%20swiftly%20by%20the%20front%20of%20his%20shirt,%20and%20pulled%20him%20in,%20eyes%20flooded%20with%20a%20thousand%20emotions,%20a%20thousand%20words,%20all%20at%20once.%20But%20his%20lips%20carried%20years%20of%20suppressed%20feelings%20as%20they%20pressed%20briefly%20to%20Kakashi%E2%80%99s%20masked%20ones.%20%20%E2%80%9CI%E2%80%99ll%20see%20you%20later!%20Thank%20you!%E2%80%9D%20He%20gasped%20breathlessly%20as%20he%20pulled%20away,%20eyes%20wide%20at%20the%20gesture%20but%20unable%20to%20come%20to%20terms%20with%20what%20he%20had%20just%20done,%20the%20elation%20of%20it%20all%20making%20him%20numb.%20%E2%80%9CGotta%20go!%E2%80%9D%20%20Kakashi%20watched%20in%20stunned%20silence%20as%20Iruka%20raced%20down%20the%20steps%20and%20down%20the%20dirt%20road,%20spinning%20around%20once%20to%20face%20him%20one%20last%20time,%20hopping%20back%20on%20one%20foot%20to%20catch%20his%20balance%20as%20he%20waved%20goodbye.%20%20The%20phantom%20touch%20lingered%20for%20the%20rest%20of%20the%20day,%20and%20the%20jonin%20felt%20himself%20mindlessly%20touch%20his%20lips%20every%20so%20often,%20just%20to%20make%20sure%20he%20wasn%E2%80%99t%20imagining%20it%20all.) **

Kakashi had eventually resigned to bed, after spending some time at the kitchen table, thoughts having everything to do with the man now slumbering on his couch until it became too much and he got up, leaving his hardly-touched tea sitting. He’d clean up in the morning.

Before he disappeared into his bedroom, he took the radio from the table and placed it on the coffee table by the couch, then made sure to drape a blanket over Iruka, and Bisuke had lifted his head from his spot to blink sleepily at his Master, curled up in the curve of the chūnin’s body. He did not miss the shinobi gaze at the other man for but a brief moment, but he didn’t think too much of it - human’s were strange, and had too many emotions running through their bodies and minds. The ninken smiled when Kakashi’s hand reached down towards him to ruffle his head, watching Kakashi retreat without a word and letting out a content yawn, a paw extending and quivering with a stretch before he nuzzled his nose back into the cozy warmth of his own fur.

Thankfully, Kakashi did not have much time to dwell on more thoughts before he succumbed to sleep, dozing off rather quickly. More than likely due to his bad choices earlier that day.

He slept more soundly than usual, but his resting mind was disturbed by disjointed words, someone’s voice breaking through his otherwise dreamless night. 

At first, he felt as though he was in his own living room, darkness pervading in the middle of the night. A familiar voice spoke quietly in the unlit room, close yet hushed. Obvious that it was meant for no one else to hear.

‘ _ I want to be there for him _ …’

The words brought a peacefulness to his weary mind that he had not known for years, and a pleased sigh escaped him in his sleep. 

He tried to find where the voice was coming from, but there was nothing else to this weird dream, and even when he tried to move, nothing happened. Blackness surrounded him, but he felt no dread. Serenity filled his head in this strange void.

‘I _ want to be _ ... _ the one who keeps him happy _ …’

‘... _ want him more than a friend should _ …’

Kakashi clung to the voice as much as he could. No matter how hard he tried to catch it, to hold it close to his heart and let it fill his being, setting him aglow, it was gone in a matter of seconds.

After a while, the voice no longer sounded, and he found himself longing to hear it, but if he were to wake up, try to figure out where it was coming from, he may never hear it again. He was only hearing a dream, afterall.

Just when he was going to give up hope, the voice came to him, much more distant and he could hardly make out the words, but it was there.  _ There _ . And that was all he needed.

Something in his mind was telling him that he was outside now, staring up at the small shed by his house, and he strained to hear the words come through, drifting down to where he stood.

‘ _ B-Bisuke! _ ’

Bisuke? The voice was talking to his ninken?

Surely, Bisuke was sleeping out on the couch. Of course, Kakashi could hear things that his ninken could when they were out on missions, gathering intel for him. Right now, though, his other ninken were enjoying a break from missions, while Bisuke remained at his house just for a little while.

Strange. Kakashi didn’t think about it too much, not with it being a dream. He’d forget about it in the morning when he woke. Things were going quiet now, anyway, and he didn’t get any sort of conclusion to who the voice belonged to.

The voice was gone again, and it didn’t come back that night, leaving him to drift by his lonesome once more.

Hours later, Kakashi stirred, shifting about to get comfortable on his mattress, and he blearily opened his slate gray eye, staring up at the ceiling. It was still fairly dark out, with the beginnings of dawn taking over the sky, and he caught a faint glimpse of the stars outside his window. 

It took him a moment to sense that he was not alone in his bedroom.

Kakashi peered over the edge of his bed, having just then heard quiet breathing coming from below, and found Iruka passed out on the floor, a blanket wrapped around him and Bisuke curled by his legs. When did he…? His eyes caught sight of Iruka’s radio close by his head, no sound coming from it.

The jōnin quietly got out of bed, stepping lightly around Iruka. He wasn’t sure how he managed to be comfortable enough to fall asleep in such a spot, but he wasn’t about to let him stay there a moment longer.

Bisuke snuffled, raising his snout to see his Master. Ah, he won’t be needed to keep an eye on Iruka any longer. Just like that, the ninken poofed, returning to his packmates.

Carefully, Kakashi crouched down, sliding his hands under Iruka’s head and legs, easing him up into his arms. He was relieved to find he was such a heavy sleeper - or just too damn exhausted - and took him over to his bed, laying him down. 

Apparently, the man hadn’t learned his lesson the last time, and nearly squawked when Iruka had subconsciously grabbed onto him and pulled Kakashi down with him, gracelessly flopping back into bed. Kakashi flushed at how closely their bodies were pressed together in his bed, and Iruka was determined not to let go, even in his sleep.

With enough cautious prying, Kakashi managed to release himself just as the sun began its ascent over the mountains. 

He pushed himself back, shimmying far enough away that Iruka wouldn’t immediately latch onto him if he tried. He didn’t have the largest of beds, so it was a bit of a challenge.

If he was honest, he’d have stayed there in his arms. He’d have wrapped his own around the chūnin’s shoulders, pressed his nose to his hair, and remained there until someone came knocking at his disappearance. Kakashi would have stayed there forever if he had any say in the matter.

The shinobi cursed, aggravated with himself for giving into such selfish thoughts. He supposed it couldn’t be helped, especially not with the man that his heart twisted for at the mere thought of nowadays was only inches away, his facial features completely relaxed as he slept. His mouth was slightly parted, soft breaths passing his even softer lips, and Kakashi was finding himself wanting to find out how just soft they were against his own. If he just closed the small distance between them, he could…

Blinking, Kakashi shook his head at the notion, forcing himself to roll over and scoot as far as possible to the edge of the bed without falling off. What the hell was he thinking?

He knew Iruka wouldn’t appreciate him doing that - if he had happened to wake up, that is. But, god, did he want to, even just a touch…

No matter what he did around the chūnin in recent days, 

****  
  


Allowing himself one last glance over his shoulder at Iruka, his face framed by his dark hair, Kakashi felt his heart skip a beat and a fond smile take over his lips. He blushed once he turned away again, damning himself when he knew it was pointless. He knew Iruka’s heart was for Tsubaki, knew that he would wake up one day to her face and smile at her like Kakashi did then. Knew that smile would not be for him.

Sometimes, he felt like he was wrong. Sometimes, Iruka smiled at him in such a way, got flustered around him, and sometimes Kakashi thought that maybe, he was lying to himself, and maybe, just maybe, Iruka  _ was _ smiling at him like that. But seeing the way the chūnin had gazed at the woman, fitted her with clothing, laughed, had went to press his lips to hers...Kakashi knew it was all wishful thinking.

They had been through much together.

Why would Iruka throw that all away for someone like him?

Still...still he had him in his life, be it a friend and nothing more. And if that was all he could hope for, then he’d take it. 

It’d be selfish of him, but he could still tease him a bit. There wasn’t any harm in that, right? After all, he promised that he would protect him. A promise for himself and Tsubaki. It wouldn’t do much to ease his longing heart, but…

Kakashi heaved a sigh.

He needed to get away before he let his thoughts get too far. The shinobi got up again that morning, pushing himself to his feet and slid slippers that had been gifted to him by Naruto on.

Foolishly, he turned back to Iruka, giving him one last look. To Kakashi, he looked perfect there, wrapped snugly in one of his blankets, dim morning light casting a slight glow on his back, the slow rise and fall of his chest. He saw the way his hand clutched at the sheets, fingers curled tightly like it was a lifeline.

As carefully as he could, Kakashi leaned over and grabbed a couple of pillows, gently lifting Iruka’s arm to place them up against his body. There. That was better. Iruka had immediately hugged the pillow to him, looking much more pleased in his sleep. But…

With one final touch, the jōnin had found the bottle of cologne he’d use from time to time, and went back to move the pillow in order to spray the scent onto the cover, adjusting it back under Iruka’s arm. He’d sleep even more soundly with the scent of another by him.

After tying a bandana around his head to cover up his nose and mouth, and picking up Iruka’s radio, Kakashi left the room to begin his morning, letting his friend get as much sleep as he could.

\---

Sunshine stained the sleeping shinobi’s eyelids, warming his freckled cheeks as gentle birdsong reached his ears. A smile curled his lips as he snuggled into something plush and warm, soft sheets bunched up around him, the scent of someone familiar permeating his drowsiness.

Iruka inhaled deeply, trying to place the cologne.

Hmmm…Kakashi-sensei, it must have been his…

He let out a contented sigh, hugging the warmth to him.

Iruka was convinced he could stay like this forever.

Except…

The smell of breakfast, stir fried vegetables and rice wafted from the land of the living, and Iruka bolted up in shock.

_ Tsubaki _ ! 

His eyes wide, he glanced around the room, panting heavily. His guard slowly lowered as he realized he was not at the homestead, but…

Was this Kakashi-sensei’s bedroom?

He swallowed dryly, looking down. Two pillows had been lined up vertically, with the imprint of his body still on the left side of them.

Blushing furiously, he stepped out on tender feet to the (carpeted?!??!!) floor, turning around to wordlessly make the bed.

How had he wound up there...like that?! He and Kakashi hadn’t...certainly not.

Iruka cleared his throat, lips pursed as he glanced up at the ceiling. His body certainly didn't feel any worse for wear, so…

The chuunin hastily put an end to that train of thought with a hot huff.

Once he was sure that the bed was straightened up and the pillows fluffed, he turned to the mirror to straighten out his own bedhead. He took down the messy ponytail, combing out his hair with a small wooden one he’d found on the bedside table before setting it back down. Pulling his hair up and twisting it into a neat bun, he took the tie from his teeth and secured it.

Once he was sure he looked presentable, he brushed himself off and headed towards the door. From there, he simply followed his nose to the kitchen.

In an instant, his entire body shivered from head to toe, a bright pink blush flushing his freckled cheeks.

Kakashi stood casually at the stovetop, wearing nothing but some comfy dog-print pajamas, and fluffy dog-faced slippers. An apron was pulled over the outfit, and a dishtowel was slung over his shoulder. A navy blue bandana covered his nose and mouth, as opposed to the bodysuit pull-up.

Whatever he was cooking, it smelled absolutely heavenly. Iruka’s mouth watered, and he swallowed thickly, not realizing how hungry he had been without dinner the night before.

Shaking off the nerves that were creeping up his spine, he took a deep breath, forcing a cheerful smile to grace his lips.

“Ohayou!” He laughed softly, eyes warm and smile becoming genuine at the sight of his friend in such a domestic position. It was comforting to see him like this.

Kakashi perked in alarm for a second at the sudden greeting, but shook his head with a chuckle.

“Mornin’, Sunshine,” he teased, an easy smirk hidden behind the bandana, but obvious in his eyes. “Sleep well?”

Iruka stiffened a bit at the nickname, cheeks rosy at the thought of it sticking.

“I did, thank you.” He said politely with a little bow of the head. “But…”

“But?” Kakashi frowned for a moment before cracking eggs into the pan to cook with the vegetables.

“I...don’t remember crawling into bed, if you know what I mean.” He rubbed at the back of his head bashfully, cheeks thoroughly reddened now. He let out a nervous little laugh.

“That’s because you didn’t,” the jonin said matter of factly, “I woke up to see you curled up in a ball on the floor, and figured my bed would be much more comfortable.”

Iruka’s hair nearly popped out of the bun by the way he bristled all the way up his neck. Even his ears were hot now.

“Y-you...wh-what?” He wheezed, imagining Kakashi picking him up and taking him to bed to--

No! That train would never leave the station. He couldn't let it race off like that.

“Eh? I just picked you up and set you down. Except…” Kakashi slid down the bandana to show off a toothy sneer, for just a split second. “You wouldn’t let go of me, so I had to pry you off and…” The bandana was back in place as a light pink dusted his pale cheeks. “Well, you’re...terribly...hmm...how do I say this?” He tapped his chin thoughtfully, prolonging the flustered look on his friend’s face. “Cuddly.”

Iruka felt embarrassment hit his dignity like a frying pan upside the head.

“I’m...I’m so sorry…” he mumbled, unable to meet the jonin’s gaze.

But, to his surprise, the man was smiling brightly.

“Think nothing of it. It was plenty rewarding to see how quickly you latched on to some pillows I sprayed with my cologne. Adorable, I’ll admit.”

From the frying pan, into the fire.

Iruka felt beads of sweat on his temple as his ears nearly blew steam. Did...did he really? Was he just...making this up? He seemed...so sincere…

“Nevermind it though,” Kakashi chuckled warmly, “In all seriousness, are you feeling better?” His gray eye was cool and gentle.

The chuunin instinctively bowed, arms rigid to his sides.

“Y-yes, very much, th-thank you. I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused y--”

Kakashi held up his hands innocently, waving them.

“No worries. I’m just happy you’re alright.” He turned back to his cooking, flicking off the heat and taking the pan to the counter. “Now, do me a favor and help me eat all of this. I’m not used to cooking for two, so I think I made a little much.” His smile returned, even brighter than before.

Iruka’s nose flushed hot pink as he straightened up.

“You’re very kind, Kakashi-sensei. I’m very much in your debt.” He said softly, cocoa eyes lowered, the blush nearly turning them rosy as well.

“And you can start paying it off by helping me get this damn apron off.” Kakashi huffed with frustration as he turned to face away from his friend, fingers fumbling with the knot.

Iruka swallowed hard, but nodded. He quickly relaxed, however, and let out a quiet laugh as he realized Kakashi hadn’t tied it right.

“It’s because you didn’t tie it in a bow.” He commented, swiftly undoing the tight knot, “Next time, I’ll tie it for you, okay?” He wasn’t aware of what he had insinuated, and Kakashi was thankful his friend couldn't see the blush on his own cheeks.

“Deal.” The jonin responded gently, sighing as Iruka slid the apron off him.

They sat down to eat, Iruka marveling Kakashi’s culinary finesse. They made pleasant smalltalk, avoiding the incidents of the night before.

“I’m looking forward to the Springs with you, Kakashi-sensei.” The chuunin admitted, a little shyly. “But I wanted to ask you something.”

“Shoot,” The jonin wiped his mouth on a napkin.

“Well, I...I want to get serious about my training.” Iruka’s usually soft expression grew determined. “I want to become a Jonin.” He stated, his face scrunched into the most adorable pout Kakashi had ever seen, save Naruto’s. The man’s rounded cheeks did not do his emotions justice.

“You do?”

“Yes. I want to become stronger, I want to be able to better protect those I lo-”

Don’t use that word, idiot!

“ _ Care _ about. And…” His determined scowl broke into a sheepish grin. “I’d really love to train my own trio of genin. It seems like a lot of fun.”

Kakashi snorted, pointing his fork at his friend for emphasis.

“If you consider ‘fun’ synonymous with ‘adolescent drama,’ then yes. It’s just oodles.”

Iruka rolled his eyes at the playful jab.

“I get it. But I’m serious, Kakashi-sensei. It’s my dream to become a Jonin like you.” He confessed, albeit looking as guilty as a puppy having been found in the food cabinet with a fat belly.

His friend felt a heat creep over his body, settling on his pale cheeks.

“Well, I--”

**[[nandemonaiya | nathaniel keith]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhKzSAUdXb8) **

Iruka glanced at the clock, and cut him off with a frantic “Oh shit!”

“Wh-what’s wrong?!” Kakashi left his dignity at the table as he leapt up in unison with the chuunin.

“I’ll never become a jonin if I can't even make it to school on time as a chuunin! I’ve got to hurry!”

The shinobi quickly collected his dishes in a pile and set them in the sink, apologizing profusely for not having time to help his friend wash up.

Some things never changed. Kakashi laughed internally at the similarities to Iruka and his favorite student.

He dashed to grab his radio on the coffee table, and flak jacket from the hook by the door.

Kakashi let out a squawk, trying his best to find his voice to let his friend know that--

But as he ran to meet Iruka at the door to stop him and correct his mistake, the shinobi found himself in an even more startling situation.

Iruka had grabbed Kakashi swiftly by the front of his shirt, and pulled him in, eyes flooded with a thousand emotions, a thousand words, all at once. But his lips carried years of suppressed feelings as they pressed briefly to Kakashi’s masked ones.

“I’ll see you later! Thank you!” He gasped breathlessly as he pulled away, eyes wide at the gesture but unable to come to terms with what he had just done, the elation of it all making him numb. “Gotta go!”

Kakashi watched in stunned silence as Iruka raced down the steps and down the dirt road, spinning around once to face him one last time, hopping back on one foot to catch his balance as he waved goodbye.

The phantom kiss lingered for the rest of the day, and the jonin felt himself mindlessly touch his lips every so often, just to make sure he wasn’t imagining it all.


	11. A Rose By Any Other Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OOOOOOOOOO IRUKAS A DADDDD HES A FUCKIN DAD FOLKS LOOK AT THIS DAD BEING A DAD HES SO GOOD UGH

**[[wild heart | bleachers]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuDDhmO8c68) **

Ebisu was perfectly fine minding his own business, a stack of papers in his arm, on his way to the headmaster’s office to get them signed, when the sound of sandals rapidly hitting the hallways floor came to his ears, getting louder every minute.

 

He whirled around, scowling behind dark specs.

 

“Hey! No running in the--” His mouth was left hanging as Iruka raced past, skidding to a california stop to give him a sheepish grin, waving a hurried good morning before rushing off again.

 

Iruka-sensei was...never late. Not like this. Sure, he could be forgetful at times, but this place was his life. And…

 

Ebisu heaved a sigh, and rapped his knuckles on the headmaster's door. The chuunin had been acting so strangely lately. His colleague had chalked it up to being excited to see his girlfriend again, but…

 

Oh well, he’d just ask him over lunch.

 

The day went by uneventfully, though Iruka’s mind was wandering farther than the ancient travelers of their history lesson. Specifically to the other side of the village.

 

Recess came along, and Iruka stepped outside to watch over the children as they played together.

 

Little Nami came to greet him, arms outstretched dramatically, her way of letting him know to prepare for the  _ best hug ever _ . Her teacher smiled and bent down a bit, arms to her as well, chuckling as she ran the last few steps to throw herself into his embrace. The chuunin held her up, letting her rest on his hip as he continued to scan the yard from the shade of the building.

 

“Are you my little helper today?” He bounced her a bit, making her giggle. “Are you my student-teacher?”

 

Nami pouted. “Students can't be teachers.” She said flatly.

 

Iruka laughed.

 

“Some people go to school to learn how to be good teachers. Do you think farmers just wake up after reading a book about farming and know exactly how to do everything?”

 

“Yes!” Nami blurted out facetiously, knowing it would make her favorite teacher laugh.

 

He didn’t have long to enjoy the child’s joke as Toramaru, another student in his kindergarten class, came up to him, tugging at his pant leg.

 

“Mr. Iruka…” he mumbled, a shy sort, “Mr. Ebisu wanted to talk to you.”

 

“Ummm-mum-mum-mum!” Nami teased, “You’re in trooouble!” earning her a quiet “shh” and a hair ruffle.

 

“Tell him I’ll be right there.” He set Nami down, who was enthused to see if her teacher would get put in time out, but also frustrated that her lookout post was moving.

 

Iruka met Ebisu in the relative quiet of the back door, the former hesitant to leave the children unsupervised for too long.

 

“Iruka.” The older man began, adjusting his glasses. “Are you aware you’re not wearing the correct jacket?”

 

The chuunin blinked.

 

“Say what? I haven’t altered it, or--” He looked down at the forest green flak jacket. Something...did feel a bit off.

 

“Last time I checked, you’re not part of the Anbu, a Jonin, or have the last name Hatake.” Ebisu quirked a brow, lips in a taut line. He prodded each part of the jacket where the small sewn symbols were, before walking around to tug on the inscribed tag. “Explain.”

 

Iruka’s face flushed red from nose to ears, freckles prickling in the hot blush, eyes wide.

 

“I...I uh, I…”

 

Ebisu leaned in.

 

“You’re not very subtle about it.” He grinned. “We’ve started noticing how much time you’re spending with him, but we always figured you weren’t into m--”

 

Iruka grabbed his colleague by the collar, clamping a hand over his mouth, glancing about frantically to make sure no one else could hear.

 

“Sh-shush!” He stammered, “I-it’s not like that…!”

 

Ebisu tugged the hand down, sneering.

 

“It had better not. You know how the headmaster is. Not to mention, it’s pretty out of rank for a chuunin to be sleeping around with a joniin.”

 

Iruka froze.

 

“Be quiet.” He spoke with an eerily cold tone. “Don’t you say it like that, ever again, understood?” He breathed, his whole body bristling with a suppressed fury. “Don’t you dare speak about Kakashi-sensei like that. He has more of my respect than you will ever have, if only because he doesn’t assume people’s private lives.” Iruka hissed, before turning away. “If you’ve just called me here to berate me about mistakenly wearing a friend’s jacket, you have more important problems to work out.” He raised a hand in farewell before returning to the playground, leaving Ebisu in a state of shock.

 

Iruka felt his nerves crumble under the pressure, and he let out a shaky sigh.

 

He had been so...elated earlier, from a daydream morning, but now, the consequences were evident. The chuunin hated lying, but he’d have to come up with something less incriminating of he and Kakashi’s reputation.

 

His sullied mood soon faded as he walked out onto the playground, searching for children who had no partner to play with, flicking the pocket radio on his hip on so it played quietly. All of his kids knew him by the fact he always had some sort of music playing, even when he wasn’t teaching them in music class on Wednesdays.

 

[THIS PART IS OPTIONAL IF YOU WANT TO GO DOWN THE WILD BULLSHIT PATH]

 

While Iruka was wandering, he heard a strange noise coming from under one of the playsets, a house shaped one with a upper platform and slide.

 

Brow furrowed, he squatted down, peering into the small space of where the structure was supported under the slide. A small child, maybe three or four years old, was huddled up and crying softly.

 

Iruka’s heart throbbed in alarm, and he quickly got down to his knees. He had no idea who this child was. It was much too young to be part of his class, and...no one in his class had silvery white hair. By the length, it looked like a girl, but her face was hidden from him.

 

“Hey there…” He spoke gently, reaching out an upturned hand. “Why are you crying?”

 

The girl slowly got up and pressed herself further away against the underside of the slide, sat down, and continued crying.

 

Iruka took a deep breath. She must have been very scared. He couldn’t just….lift the playset. She’d bolt, and he’d have to chase after her, frightening her more.

 

But before he could reach a decision, he felt a tapping on his shoulder. He yelped as his head hit it on the playset trying to back out.

 

Nami giggled. “Playing turtle?” She asked.

 

“No, actually.” Iruka groaned, rubbing the sore spot. “There’s someone in there, and she looks quite upset. She’s not from our class, so I can’t call her name.”

 

The little redhead pushed passed him, and poked her head in, investigating.

 

“Oh!” She exclaimed, before pulling it back out. “That’s Shiro.” A pause, “Well, I dunno if that’s her real name, I think it’s supposed to be Sagiso, but…She doesn’t talk at all”

 

Iruka cocked his head slightly. “You know this girl? What class is she in?”

 

“None.” Nami frowned. “She’s a runaway.” She shrugged, then stuck her head back in to the playset. “Hey! Shiro! Mr. Iruka wants to play with us! Wanna play flower picking?”

 

The chuunin was still in shock, mind racing about where he could find this child’s parents if she really had run away from home, when Nami turned back to him, the girl now holding her hand.

 

Iruka stood paralyzed in place, sat back on his knees as he saw her eyes. Sparkling with tears, they were as deep as lapis lazuli. Silvery hair framed her face and cascaded down to her shoulders. She was lovely. But no one in town had hair that color, besides Kakashi-sensei.

 

The brief notion that he had an illegitimate was hastily brushed away. Kakashi-sensei would never. He was much too responsible.

 

“Hello.” Iruka said softly, giving her a little wave. The child clamped her mouth shut and turned away willfully. The man sighed in defeat, then chuckled. “Okay, I get it. But let’s play flower picking now, alright?”

 

He just...needed to get close to her, enough where he could pick her up and take her inside and ask around.

 

The girl suddenly turned back, eyes bright, but she still wouldn't smile.

 

The trio went along the fences, plucking up little dandelions and other “pretty” weeds. At times, Iruka would reach over to pat the new girl on the shoulders while she was distracted, until she stopped flinching. After the half our recess was up, she was clinging to his pant leg, albeit still looking willful.

 

“Thank you for your help, Nami.” Iruka smiled brightly, and reached out to give the redhead a tiny fistbump in the spirit of Naruto. She grinned back, completing it. “You’ll get a gold star on your chart, okay? Tell your parents I’ll take you out for ice cream with them soon.”

 

Nami was ecstatic at this, and cheered, before hugging him close and running off to line up at the door.

 

Iruka knelt down with the girl, Shiro, or Sagiso, he couldn't decide which to call her, and looked her in the eye.

 

“Shiro? Can I pick you up, so we can go find your Mom and Dad?” He gave her an earnest look, charcoal eyes a little sad. “Or, if you want, you can just hold my hand and we’ll walk. But if we walk a lot, I don’t want you to get too tired.”

 

Shiro was quiet for a long time, stony expression on her face, before turning her head away and reaching out her arms, hands opening and closing.

 

Iruka laughed under his breath, but nodded, and scooped her up.

 

“Don’t have a home.” She mumbled.

 

Her voice was so tiny, if she hadn’t been right next to his ear, he’d never have heard her.

 

But...there was...something so...right in holding her to his hip, how her little hands gripped his jacket (well, Kakashi’s…) her round cheek pressed to his chest. Like...she was his. It was bizarre, and unnerved him, but it sent his heart into a yearning frenzy. Amaterasu above, he wanted a little girl more than anything.

 

She had pale skin and was wearing a white dress with flowers stitched to it, and no sandals. Iruka leaned over as he walked to see the bottoms of her feet. To his horror, they were covered in dirts and cuts. He’d have to clean them right away.

 

He reached the line of students at the entrance, and explained the situation, watching as some of the kids pointed and whispered about the girl in his arms. She just stuck her tongue out at them.

 

“I’ll be back if I can. I’ll see to it that Miss Ayame comes in to sub for me while I’m out.”

 

There were a few groans, many of the kids thinking that if the teacher left, so would they.

 

Once everyone was inside and settled, and Miss Ayame introducing herself, Iruka headed out into the hallway.

 

He didn’t get far, as a masked figure was waiting outside the door.

 

Iruka let out a strangled squeak.

 

Kakashi!

 

“I uh…” The jonin cleared his throat, blushing a bit, “My jacket…” He pointed, looking a bit bashful.

 

“Oh! Uh, I-I...I’m so sorry, but…” Iruka felt entirely put on the spot. “I have to find this girl’s parents. She’s very lost.”

 

Kakashi looked up, and his heart shuddered at the look the child was giving him. She looked almost like a border collie eyeing up a straggling sheep. He smiled weakly at her, and her expression softened. She reached out, trying to grab at his hair.

 

“Mine.” She pointed at the jonin.

 

Iruka couldn't help but let out a messy laugh, though he soon forced it to be a cough.

 

“Yes, he...he has your hair, doesn’t he? Let’s ask him to help us.” Iruka gazed pleadingly up at his friend.

 

**BLAH BLAH THEY GO AROUND TOWN LOOKING FOR THE KIDS MOM AND CANT FIND HER WHO CARES WE NEED MORE GAY SHIT**

 

**I promise well get back to this but . hot springs yall. be true to yourselves and admit you want that more.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> INHALES do you know whos kid it is>?? please leave your guesses in the comments BEFORE going to the next chapter [tho it isnt revealed there either ]


	12. Heart's Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [AS OF 6/25/19 THIS CHAPTER IS FINISHED]
> 
> inhales here it is folks. the flirting begins in earnest. buckle up babies  
> get ur mcfuckign tissues BITCH. irukas going to cry again. its every waking minute i swear to god

**[[UNSTEADY | X AMBASSADORS]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBlFp2__XtM) **

“I’m sure she’ll be fine with Sakura’s parents for now.” Kakashi reassured a uneasy looking Iruka, giving his friend a cheerful smile followed by a firm pat on the back. “They’ve been getting empty nest syndrome, anyway.”

 

The chuunin sighed, relenting. “I know. And Nami’s parents said they’d take her to school along with their daughter. I just…”

 

Kakashi cocked his head, the pair trailing down the dirt road towards his friend’s house.

 

“White hair and blue eyes?” He mumbled aloud. “You’re the only one in the village I know with…” Iruka’s eyes widened, hand to his mouth as he realized what he had just suggested. “I...I mean...you d-don’t have siblings do you?”

 

Kakashi shook his head.

 

“And I can’t imagine she’s Kabuto or Jiraiya’s.” The jonin shrugged, before his eyes narrowed, reaching up to tousle the chuunin’s hair. “Stop losing sleep over it. She’s safe now, that’s what matters.” He grinned behind the mask. “Start taking care of yourself for once, hmm?”

 

Iruka groaned, ducking to get out of the playful gesture.

 

“Yeah, yeah..” He still seemed distant, to Kakashi’s dismay. “I...just…”

 

His house came into view, and they found themselves sitting on the steps, Iruka’s chin propped up on his hand.

 

“Hey,” he mumbled, body slumping, nose turning pink as he glanced away with a dry swallow. “...When you look at kids...little ones...what do you see?”

 

Kakashi blinked, eye fixed on Iruka’s shy expression.

 

“What do you mean?” He asked in earnest, brows knit.

 

Iruka sighed, hiking up his knees so he could fold his arms over them and bury his face.

 

“Do you ever want to...come home...open the door...and see one? One that’s... _yours?_ ” He breathed, and if Kakashi hadn’t been leaning over, he’d have never heard a word. “One that smiles and reaches up to you, squealing ‘Daddy’s home!’”

 

He turned his head, an undeniably exhausted look on his face, shiba-cheek smooshing his eye into a cute wink.

 

“Do...you ever think about carrying them around everywhere, even though you _know_ you should let them walk and find things themselves? But...you do it anyway because you also _know_ one day they won’t _want_ you to pick them up and kiss and hug them. One day they’ll be too heavy…”

 

Kakashi didn't realize he was holding his breath till he let it go.

 

“Not until you put it like that.” He chuckled very softly, hand giving his friend’s shoulder a squeeze.

 

Iruka just gave him a bored look, one that easily rivaled Shikamaru’s.

 

“I’m tired of coming home to an empty bed, an empty kitchen…” He confessed under his breath. “It’s getting to me. The townspeople are heckling me to just...settle down.” His hand reached up to push Kakashi’s off his shoulder, fingers slipping in between for a few seconds.

 

He lingered.

 

And it felt good.

 

But it fell, like a cold bird.

 

“But…” Iruka suddenly was acutely aware how nauseous he felt at the idea of...speaking his mind too loudly. He quickly hunched over, a muffled whine escaping his lips. “... _shit.”_ A wave of cold uneasiness washed over him.

 

Kakashi frowned, leaning over to look the chuunin over.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Iruka sat up, a strange forlorn look in his once warm eyes. They were half lidded with exhaustion. He relaxed, and to Kakashi’s surprise, let himself fall against him, shoulders pressing warmly up to one another.

 

“...You wanna...stay the night?” He muttered, half heartedly, staring out blindly into the sunset.

 

Kakashi bristled, cheeks prickling with heat.

 

“You don’t have to do anything. You could stand in my living room all night and it’d make me happy.” Iruka sighed, head resting on the jonin’s shoulder.

 

Kakashi snorted a little, the noise waking Iruka up a bit. The younger blinked, a bit perturbed.

 

**[[BOYS | CHARLIE XCX]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPRy1B4t5YA) **

 

“I’m serious.” He lifted his head to give Kakashi a cute pout. “I just…” He chewed his bottom lip, soft cheeks rosy as he squirmed a bit, “I like being around you, okay?”

 

“Yeah?” A sly grin slid across his lips, and he quirked a silver brow, leaning over.

 

“Jeeze! Is it such a crime?” Iruka squawked, shying away. “I wasn’t gonna force you. I just figured, since you were here..I’d ask, y’know?”

 

“I never really noticed your freckles until you started blushing all the time.” Kakashi smirked, pressing a finger into a squishy cheek, pushing it up to make his friend wink. “You’re getting more ‘cuz of the warm weather, aren’t you?”

 

Iruka’s face flushed bright red as he knocked the intruding hand away.

 

“The hell’s THAT supposed to mean?” He snapped, hunching up and turning away to hide his burning cheeks. “You’re so weird sometimes.”

 

“Sure I’ll stay.” Kakashi said nonchalantly, checking over his nails as if it was no skin off his back to make such an impulsive decision. “Besides, we can figure out what we wanted to do at the hot springs together.” He grinned, eyes squeezed shut in excitement. “I brought the brochure and everything.”

 

Iruka remained shied away.

 

“...F-fine…” He muttered, rising to his feet, padding up the rest of the stairs before unlocking the door and letting the pair of shinobi in. “Just...no funny stuff, ‘kay?”

 

“Deal.” Kakashi grinned, hand to Iruka’s lower back as they walked inside.

 

\---

"You're doing it again." Kakashi puffed a laugh, lightly whapping the top of Iruka's head with the brochure he had in his hand. "Stop that."

 

Iruka let out a hoarse squeak, nearly dropping the dish he was washing in the sink.

 

"Doing what?" He shot his friend an incredulous look, trying to shoo him away.

 

"Worrying." Kakashi leaned over, his nose nearly touching Iruka's. The chuunin almost fell over trying to back away. "When you're upset, your nose scrunches up, and twitches a bit like a rabbit. It's adorable."

 

"Get! Go on, quit being stupid!" Iruka spluttered, grabbing the spray nozzle and squirting the jonin a few times. "I'm not upset, I'm just thinking!"

 

Kakashi laughed messily, ducking around the water.

 

"Listen, can't I be concerned about a lost girl?" Iruka pouted, returning the hose to its place on the sink, and drying the last dish.

 

"Not to the point it consumes you. The Harunos are good people, you know that." Kakashi flashed his most reassuring smile, to which Iruka grumbled.

 

"I know. But...I can't think of...anyone with hair like that." He folded his arms. "Besides _you._ " He raised a bushy brow. "Where _were_ you before you got team 7?"

 

Kakashi spit out the tea he had been drinking earlier.

 

"E-excuse me?" He wheezed, patting his chest as he choked. "You _can't_ be serious."

 

"How do I know?" Iruka grinned, finger pointing accusingly as he walked toward him. "You're such a mystery, who says you wouldn't manage to have an illegitimate for extra effect?"

 

Kakashi's eyes narrowed.

 

"Iruka."

 

The chuunin tensed at the low voice, and stood down, body relaxing.

 

"I…" He glanced away, embarrassment creeping through his chest. "I was just teasing. As much as I didn't want to, I believed you when you said you never found a woman that interested you."

 

Kakashi shook his head, chuckling. "I'm not angry. I just don't want you thinking I'm more concerned about my reputation than being a decent human being." He snorted, setting down his cup and cuffing his friend playfully on the shoulder **HERE IT COMES, "** I mean, for shit's sake, Iruka. I read _porn_ in public. You really think I care how _mysterious_ I am?"

 

Iruka felt his voice catch in his throat, only a couple broken vowels escaping as he tried to find it.

 

"A-about that…" He averted his gaze, messing with his ponytail nervously. "...Do you mind if I...ask you _why_?"

 

Kakashi shrugged. "It's good."

 

A sly smirk curled his lips.

 

"Wanna read for yourself?" He pulled a copy of _Icha Icha_ from his back pocket, waving it in front of Iruka's face tauntingly.  

 

"Ah--eh--uh---erm…!" The chuunin backed up, jolting as he met a wall, head turned, eyeing the book as though it were a live cockroach. "N-no...n-no thanks!" He winced.

 

"Oh, well." Kakashi chuckled. "Maybe next time."

 

"Y-yeah...uh…" Iruka hesitantly relaxed as his friend put the book away, and stretched a bit, yawning.

 

"You're tired?" The chuunin quirked a brow, before brushing past him, heading towards the laundry room. He shimmied off his shirt, which had gotten wet from washing dishes, and tossed it in the hamper. "We can head to bed if you wanted."

 

Kakashi blinked, stunned by the sight.

 

Iruka had...a tattoo?

 

"When did you...get that?" He spoke up huskily, then cleared his throat.

 

"Hm?" Iruka went to look around, foolishly trying to see between his own shoulder blades. "Oh? This?" He beamed brightly. "I had this done when Naruto became a genin. He's the real reason I believe in the Will of Fire, so I wanted to make sure I'd never forget it." He sighed despondently, however. "The scar was...a bit too literal for me. I...I don't want to remember that night more than I have to, so I had it tattooed around it."

 

Kakashi frowned slightly, gray eye focused on the star shaped scar between his shoulders, pale like lightning against the deep tan skin. The deep black and red kanji enveloped it, spanning a good foot or so of Iruka's back. It was simple, beautiful, and to the point.

 

"I thought you saw it before." He cocked his head.

 

The shinobi echoed his yawn, running a hand through his hair to slip out the ponytail, shaking out his hair, letting it fall around his shoulders. It was wild how stark the contrast in appearance was when he had his hair down.

 

Kakashi swallowed. _Hard._

 

"I usually do a bit of training beforehand, nothing over the top, but it helps build stamina." Iruka disappeared into his bedroom for a few moments before returning, to the jonin's dismay, in a tank top and…

 

Short-shorts..?!

 

The hell...kind of training…

 

"Did you want to watch? It's actually super helpful, especially for your core." Iruka beamed, before beckoning a speechless Kakashi towards a door he hadn't noticed before.

 

It opened to a modest sized room, filled with a couple bookcases, a well used desk, and…

 

The jonin's heart stopped.

 

Was. That. A. _Pole?!_ In the _middle of Iruka's room?!_

 

Kakashi instantly decided he was in a dream, and this was just the start of a wet one. This _couldn't_  be real. Things like this only happened in bad _Icha  Icha_ spinoffs.

 

Iruka saw the look on his friend's face, and let out an awkward laugh, smiling bashfully.

 

"It's not...what it looks like." He padded over to the desk, and took a small bottle off of it, shaking powder into his hands, then brushing them along his inner legs. "I've told you before I do dance to help stay in shape, right? This is just one of the types of...I _guess_  you could call it dancing."

 

Kakashi couldn't speak. He could only stare dumbfounded as Iruka limbered up a bit before gracefully pulling himself up onto the pole, leaning into it and sticking his legs out before twisting so he was upside down. His hair fell in front of his face and he chuffed, curling his knees around the top of the pole and twisted his body slowly around.

 

"Should've kept my hair up. Hang on." He muttered to himself, and to Kakashi's utter shock, took his hands away from the pole, only holding himself upside down with his legs. The shinobi swiftly tied up his hair once more.

 

"It's a lot of fun. Trust me, though. I've spun around so fast I got dizzy and fell off. Hence the carpet." He chuckled, righting himself again. "And…" He expertly swung his weight around so he could resume being upside down, legs spread far apart. "Look at all the burn marks on my thighs from forgetting to powder up. I was pretty dumb early on, haha!"

 

\--

Despite a voice inside his head telling him not to look, Kakashi listened to Iruka and glanced at the faint marks lining the inside of his tanned thighs. It was supposed to be a brief look, just a "oh, yeah, I see" glimpse, but the moment Kakashi went against his better judgement, there was no going back.

 

"It's really fun once you get into it," Iruka's voice barely reached his ears, the jōnin completely zoning out. "Of course, it takes a lot of practice to build up enough control to even keep yourself up. We may be flexible and strong as shinobi, but this is completely different. That's why it's great exercise."

 

The chūnin was oblivious to the shinobi staring at him like a kid in a candy store.

 

"Uh-huh..." Kakashi just nodded, having a slight grasp on what Iruka just said, replying even though he really wasn't sure what the chūnin was even talking about. His eye was entirely trained on his friend, watching the muscles in his legs flex as he used them to grip the pole, the folds of his belly smoothing out when he loosened the tension in his body, the few inches between bare skin and shorts almost tantalizing. KAKASHI "I NEED TO PUT MY FACE IN THAT" HATAKE

 

"I'm sure someone like you would take to it pretty quickly. I mean, if you wanted." Iruka glanced at Kakashi as he slowly spun around, righting himself back into an upwards position. "I know how much you like training and all, and, well, you're just so damn good at everything you do, aren't you?"

 

"Yeah…"

 

Iruka puffed hotly with a roll of his eyes, looking to the ceiling as he adjusted his grip to climb higher.

 

"Well, no need to toot your own horn or anything. It's good to be confident, but don't let it get to your head. You should know that." The younger tried to fix Kakashi with a glare to emphasize his point, but the other didn't really seem to be paying attention, his gray eye seemingly glossed over. "You don't have to stand there, you know. Since when did you start trying to be more like your namesake?"

 

Some of his senses finally slapping him across the face back into some semblance of decency, Kakashi managed to yank himself out of his blatant staring. He gave his head a little shake as if that would clear it from the improper thoughts that had started to form in his mind.

 

Now, his eye looked everywhere except for Iruka.

 

"Ah, sorry," he mumbled, scratching at his cheek with embarrassment.

 

This was not helping this whole thing regarding Iruka - whatever it was. This was making it _worse_ , and Kakashi was really starting to feel like this was not something he was supposed to see. No. It _definitely_ wasn’t.

 

Still unable to look at Iruka, the man turned towards the desk, shuffling over to it to take a seat, holding up the brochure he still clutched in his hand. Only, now it was crumpled up quite badly. He must of clenched his fist around it a little too hard a few moments ago. He placed it atop the desk to smooth it out best he could, doing his best to ignore the slight out of breath noises Iruka made behind him.

 

“Is that the brochure for the springs?” Iruka asked the back of Kakashi’s head, trying to look over his shoulder from his perch on the pole. He was too far away to make out any of the words.

 

“Mhm. Did you want to look too?” Kakashi turned to give him a quick look, holding up the brochure. “You’ll have to come down from there if you do.”

 

“Alright, alright,” Iruka just laughed lightly, moving to plant his feet on the floor, the plush rug a pleasant softness beneath his toes. “I was just about done anyway. But come over here, I’ve only got one chair, and I’m not sitting on your lap.”

"You _sure?"_ Kakashi smirked against his better judgement, knowing if his friend _did_ , he'd be slapped into next week for "funny business."

 

"Positive. Let's just head to the bedroom for now." He gave one last stretch, before following the jonin out, locking the door behind him.

 

The chūnin padded over to his bed, plopping down and making himself comfortable, folding his legs so he sat cross legged. He patted the spot next to him as invitation.

 

Kakashi stiffened at the notion, but managed to force himself not to dwell on it. It was almost as if Iruka was doing all of this on purpose. He got up and went to join Iruka, ignoring his lack of concealing clothing, and took a seat beside him, making sure there was a bit of space between them for his own sake.

 

The two read through the brochure, asking each other questions they probably already knew the answer to.

"Ooo...they have a restaurant up there?" Iruka felt a twinge in his belly, even though Kakashi had made them dinner, which the chuunin had then proceeded to _rave_ about until his friend laughed so hard he nearly choked...the sight of food made his mouth water. "Mmm…" He sighed, and Kakashi snirked as his friend traced the photos with his fingers like a kid.

 

"I'm interested in the massages, honestly." The jonin murmured, not expecting for Iruka to light up like he'd just asked him if he wanted to win the lottery.

 

"Hey! I can do that." He smiled almost comically like a fox, eyes squinched shut. "Sometimes Izumo or Toketsu would visit me on lunch so I could work out their backs. I could do you now if you wanted."

 

Kakashi turned a wide eye to his friend.

 

He didn't _know_ Izumo and Toketsu that well, but he knew they were decent people, a tag team of good natured men, but he could imagine their faces as they convinced an all too willing to help Iruka...his own half mirrored the look, until the chunin spoke up.

 

"Kakashi?"

 

"Huh..?! Oh, uh...n-no, no thanks. Not now." He hastily wiped the hungry look off his face, replacing it with an unassumingly weak smile.

 

"Just sayin'." Iruka flipped the page, eyes skimming over semantics. "It really helps me when someone sits on my lower back and works my shoulders " He rolled them out for emphasis.

 

Kakashi was _dying_ to know why this sounded so specific, but didn't have to wait long.

 

"Tsubaki's right hip is a bit off, so I have to--" He paused. "Did you ever meet her?" Iruka felt a little...exposed, talking about her outright for the first time with him. "I mean...when we…" He sighed, and shook his head. "You couldn't have. I met her when I was about...twelve. She just moved here from the Rain. By then you...were in the ANBU."

 

Iruka swallowed painfully, looking away.

 

"Anyway...her hip, well...Mizuki had…" He felt something tense in his arms, as if he were readying himself for a fight. "...When I go to visit, I'll work it out because of how stiff it gets." The chuunin seemed to have made himself miserable. But he never let himself dwell on the negative, so he forced a big smile even though it hurt. "She always says my hands can fix just about anything, from the barn doors to her back." He chuckled fondly at memories he kept to himself.  

 

Kakashi felt a twinge in his chest. It was a yearning, he was sure of it. But it certainly wasn't pleasant. He brushed it off as him laying weird on the bed.

 

**[[naked | x ambassadors]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ea_bMGd49cA) **

 

"So if you ever want me to work out your kinks, I'd be happy to." Iruka beamed, just the sensation of him smiling making him feel better already.

 

Kakashi snorted instinctively, but quickly covered his mouth as the grin faded from Iruka's face.

 

"Don't be gross!" He snapped, cheeks already on their way to hot pink. "You know what I meant."

 

"Sure do." Kakashi elbowed him, smirking. "Any _specific_ kink I can get worked out?"

 

Iruka was on him in a flash, trying desperately to get a hand over his mouth to shut him up. But it was no use, and Kakashi effortlessly had the chuunin pinned, the young man on his stomach, arms twisted behind his back.

 

"Any you want _me_ to work out while I'm here?" Kakashi sneered as he felt Iruka struggle and squeak beneath him.

 

"S-stop!" The chuunin buried his face in the sheets, mortified. "You're so damn filthy!" He gasped, a taut, submissive grin plastered to his face as he tried not to laugh from nerves alone.

 

"Fine...fine." Kakashi released the iron grip he had on his friend's wrists. But to his surprise, Iruka swiftly twisted around, knocking him off balance. Soon, the chuunin had wrestled his way to the top, palm pressed roughly up against the back of the man's neck, knee digging painfully into both arms as his free hand held the jonin's ankle nearly to his shoulder.

 

"Ain't so fun now, is it?" He breathed heavily to keep the position, as Kakashi's straining was barely less than he could handle.

 

"On the contrary." The jonin flexed beneath his friend, "The fun's just getting started."

 

The pair wrestled in earnest like teenage boys, every misplaced foot or rough grab only spurring them on, both faces set in a determined grin.

 

Iruka hated to admit it, thinking he was above the guilty pleasures of his adolescence, but he loved wrestling, and most competitions. The thrill of it all, the adrenaline, the pain, the strain, the fleeting view of victory just out of reach...he relished every second.

 

They fought for dominance for a good ten minutes, Iruka's stamina winning out over Kakashi's skill. The jonin was left panting like a dog, bewildered at the fact the chuunin just never...stayed down.

 

"Got you…" Iruka breathed, a bit of blood beaded from a cut lip as he held Kakashi down by the wrists, biceps bulging and his legs wrapped like a vice around his friend's, thighs threatening to crush his own.

 

"Only...cuz...I...let you…" The jonin hissed, playing it up to seem more beat than he really was. The opposite was true. Being in this position invigorated him in ways he knew would get him _killed_ if Iruka found out.

 

Once they'd seperated and taken a water break, Iruka laughing heartily as he helped rub out a few of Kakashi's bruises, they found themselves flopped on the couch, a mixed drink in hand.

 

"Just one." Iruka chuckled, sipping on his as he relaxed.

 

"Oof, this stuff's sweet." Kakashi puckered his lips, the fruity flavor making his nose tingle.

 

**[[lets get married | mitski cover]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5zuvs8EZDY) **

 

They settled into a pleasant lull, watching a cooking network and talking about what they could try to make together next.

 

"Hey…" Iruka spoke up after a while, eyeing the clock as a distant rumble of thunder rustled his thoughts from where they had begun to nest.

 

Kakashi looked over, catching his eye as his friend began to slump. The house was silent, with only the clock ticking on the wall.

 

"...I wanna...ask you something." He murmured, charcoal eyes glazed over dreamily. "And I may be...a bit buzzed, so...take me with a grain of salt."

 

"I'd take you just the way you are." Kakashi whispered back, leaning in just a bit. He could hold his liquor pretty well, but there was something in this moment where it was his own thoughts he couldn't retain.  

 

"You're making me blush." Iruka scrunched up his face, but he giggled softly anyway.

 

"Good."

 

"Seriously, though...I…" He mumbled, hand reaching out for his friend's. "Wanna do something dumb?"

 

"Of course."

 

 _Kiss me._ Iruka heard himself say in the back of his head, but he couldn't bring himself to act on it, even with his inhibitions loose and fading.

 

"Come here." He pulled the man up, leading him to the kitchen. The radio, that had been sitting by its lonesome in silence, was flicked on, quiet music flooding the room in a softness unprecedented.

 

Kakashi watched wordlessly as Iruka sidled up against him, one arm reaching around to hold him close, the other up to his shoulder, hand resting on it.

 

"My mom and dad would dance in the kitchen to this same radio sometimes." He took the first step a bit shakily, a little surprised how quickly Kakashi complied. "I miss watching them. I missed saying "ew, gross!" If I caught them." He churred to himself as they began to sway in time together. He lay his cheek to the crook of the jonin's neck, gazing off into the distance, ochre eyes sightless as he imagined their shadowy forms waltzing across from him.

 

What would they think of him now, if they were alive? Would they pity his loneliness? Would they be proud of him becoming a sensei? What would they say, seeing him in such a tender, vulnerable state as this...with his childhood friend?

 

"I've missed you…" Iruka whispered, to no one in particular, and to everything he'd ever lost, only to find it all in Kakashi's arms. "I've missed you so much…" He barely felt the tears fall.

 

But Kakashi did. None the wiser, he echoed him, grip tightening just that much more.

 

"I missed you too."

 

They held each other close, like stars caught in one another's orbit, like ships in the night, docking beside one another, the ocean and sky caught in a never ending, perfect, unbroken circle of light and reflection.

 

After the song ended, Iruka sighed, face buried in Kakashi's neck. He wouldn't remember much in the morning, but one day he begged to Amaterasu he'd never have to forget this touch.

 

"We should get to bed, before I say something stupid." He mumbled under his breath, pulling away, unable to look the jonin in the eye.

 

Another song warmed the room, and the morose expression faded into a shy smile, the familiar tune like the voice of a loved one.

 

**[[cant help falling in love | elvis]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGJTaP6anOU) **

 

"Dad always sang this to Mom, too." Iruka let out a hushed chuckle. "He'd always ham it up for her, too." He sighed, gazing up at Kakashi with sparkling eyes. "He loved her so much. More than anything."

 

Kakashi simply smiled down at him.

 

"I always, wanted...to sing this for someone, like he would her…" He began to hum, tidying up, his movements dreamlike and slow.

 

They soon returned to the bedroom, radio in tow, the song still playing, though time threatened its seemingly endless chorus. Iruka dug through his side table drawer, pulling out a very beaten up and worn cassette tape.

 

"I have it on this, too. Mom loved to sit and listen to it while Dad was out on missions." The young shinobi smiled fondly. "When...they looked over..where the house had been...after the nine-tails attacked…" He hummed between thoughts, as though the melody would take him back before it all happened, tears forming like dew on a rose. "All they could find was a silver chain that was a gift from my Mom to Dad, and Mom's wedding ring. That, and the radio, with this tape in it."

 

He smiled. But his lips quivered, and it was obvious he was on the brink of a breakdown as he turned to face Kakashi, beaming as he cried.

 

"I think they left...these things for me…on purpose..." He hiccuped, but he continued to smile, though it seemed to physically pain him to do so.

 

In that moment, seeing Iruka like this...Kakashi's heart broke.

 

Iruka lifted something from under his shirt.

 

A glittering silver chain held a polished gold ring on it.

 

"I wear it all the time. Mom...Mom always promised to give me her ring when I found the right girl." He laughed through quiet sobs. "I always told myself that one day, I'd find the person I'd marry and we'd dance to that song, and I'd slip the ring on their finger and…"

 

He had worn himself out, just like a kid. His body relaxed, and the crying stopped.

 

"Do _you_ want to get married?" He whispered, throat dry as he swallowed thickly.

 

Kakashi froze.

 

_Did...did he mean…?!_

 

"I never saw you as the type to settle down, but your dad did, so I'm sure you could find a nice girl, just as he did. But...would you?"

 

The jonin blinked dumbly.

 

"Get married?" He echoed.

 

He'd...never really even thought about it. He was too much a drifter, he figured. No one would want to be with someone so detached. Or so he thought.

 

"Yeah." Iruka had finally relaxed completely, crying spell forgotten as another smile curled his lips. He padded over to the radio and put the tape in, hitting play, the song serenading the two shinobi. He sang along, his voice low and sweet, something Kakashi would never have expected.

 

It was rich, full of emotion, weaving harmonies along the melody, as if he'd sung this song a thousand times over to know how to improvise along the notes. Almost as if he were pretending to sing a duet with the man on the radio.

 

Kakashi was spellbound. Something tugged at him, like thousands of tiny hands, urging him to get up and wrap his arms around Iruka from behind as the chuunin stared longingly at the radio, at his past. To hold him close and to reassure him. Of what, he didn't know, or even began to guess at.

 

 _"Shall...I stay…"_ He crooned, " _would it be... a sin…"_ He turned slowly to face Kakashi, leaning against the dresser. _"If I can't help...falling in love...with you."_ He closed his eyes to the bridge, a smile warming his features.

 

_Take my hand. Take my whole life, too._

_For I can't help falling in love...with you._

 

The words rang out in his head, but Kakashi couldn't find his voice in time.

 

"I think we all need a partner." Iruka's smile was eternal as he sat beside his friend as the tape crackled and clicked to a stop as the song faded into oblivion. "Someone to come home to."

 

The sunshiney Naruto beam radiated from his face.

 

"I wouldn't mind being that for you, Kakashi. Even if you don't want to settle down and have a family with a girl, I'll always be happy to keep you company." He laughed, a precious noise he would willingly give his life to hear again and again.

 

"I've said that since were kids, haven't I?"

 

\--

 

Iruka had already settled, letting his hair down and shimmying under the covers after turning the lights out. The chūnin peered up at his friend expectantly in the dim.

 

He watched Kakashi’s shadowed form take his jacket off, followed by his shirt and the mesh shirt beneath it, letting his clothes fall into a pile on the floor. It was too dark for him to make out Kakashi’s maskless face clearly, but he supposed that was a good thing, because then the jōnin probably couldn’t see his too well either, nor the redness coating his cheeks. The mattress shifted as the shinobi followed suit, joining Iruka underneath the cool sheets. Warmth radiating from Iruka welcomed him, and Kakashi shivered, just then noticing how close the other man was, facing each other as they laid on their sides. They were quiet for a long moment, both too flustered to break the silence.

 

Finally, Iruka couldn’t bear it any longer, needing to hear Kakashi say something. He couldn't stand the emptiness between them.

 

“This brings back memories,” he said quietly with a shy smile, wishing he could peer into Kakashi’s mind and find out what he was thinking in that moment. “I miss those days, you know? It feels like it’s been an eternity.”

 

“Yeah,” Kakashi breathed, not needing the younger to elaborate. His thoughts traveled back to recollect.

 

Nights spent at Iruka’s house, his parents welcoming a young Kakashi. Iruka was his little shadow, eager to catch up to him. Even more eager to show him everything, eager to share the joy he found in it all.

 

Sneaking out to catch fireflies and take a dip in the creek on a muggy summer night, not straying too far from home, but giving into childish desires.

 

Desires didn’t last long though, as they grew and lost everything they had loved. The harsh reality of their world tore them apart. They grew, and grew distant in ways Iruka wished they never had.

 

“I know I got on your nerves, more times than I could name. But, I had every right. You got on my nerves, too. You were too damn stubborn, and that pissed me off to no end.” Iruka let out a huff, still getting frustrated at the thought of younger Kakashi even now. “I guess I was even more stubborn than you though, huh?”

 

“That was a good thing.” Kakashi chuckled softly. “Where would we be now if things had been different?”

 

“Do you regret it?” Iruka looked up at him through his eyelashes, voice hushed and brown eyes searching, like his next breath depended on Kakashi’s answer.

 

_Do you regret me?_

 

Kakashi stared back, lips parted. He had a lot of regrets, too many to count. But none came to mind as he gazed at his friend. He wanted to say so much, tell Iruka everything, words upon words flooded his tongue, yet he didn’t know what they meant, and nothing came. Silence filled the space between them before the jōnin managed to speak, voice tired but true from years of feelings and dreams he had yet to realize that revolved around the man laying next to him.

 

“No. Never.”

 

Both satisfied at that, the two shinobi let the quiet of the night and their soft breaths lull them to sleep, each of them finding comfort in the presence of the other, their closeness neither were able to admit having missed, longed for since days passed and gone, buried deep and safe in their hearts.

 --

Iruka woke with a start, a flash of light rippling through the bedroom, his mind already on high alert before he even heard the deafening crash of thunder. 

 

In an instant, he was in Kakashi's warm arms, shuddering and hiccuping, unable to take a full breath. 

 

The jonin took to the situation naturally, all of his ANBU days consisting of little sleep and lots of sudden changes. He held Iruka close, but his brow furrowed. Had he always been afraid of storms? 

 

Iruka was still exhausted, and the lack of oxygen was already getting to him. He felt his arms go limp first, but strong hands squeezed his shoulders and ran through his thick hair. 

 

"Iruka…" Kakashi's voice was low and husky, in his ear. 

 

The chuunin simply shook his head, unable to speak as he clung tighter, the scarred hand rubbing his back helping him take in smoother breaths. 

 

"It's alright." Kakashi soothed him best he could, albeit a little awkwardly. He remembered Iruka being scared of thunderstorms when they were little...but…"I've got you. Shh…" 

 

The firm touch of the man's hands, how they stroked his back, fingers through his hair, squeezing gently at his shoulders and arms...the intoxicating heat that radiated from his bare chest, that Iruka sought like his life depended on it...his body relaxed fully, eyes half lidded as tiny hums were caught in his throat. 

 

He yawned shakily, shivering as his nerves settled and he snuggled close to Kakashi, tan arms wrapping securely around him, nose buried safely in the crook of his neck, taking in the heady scent. 

 

Iruka's foot began to wag again, almost as if it were a tail -- a habit he'd had as a kid, a tic, if you would. Kakashi chuckled to himself at the familiar sensation of being jostled very subtly. Back when they were kids, he knew whether Iruka was content by the way his foot would tap when they were in bed. If it stopped, he was upset, or asleep. Sometimes it would rub against his own, excessively so, for some sort of repeated comfort. 

 

Kakashi grinned to himself in the dark. Naruto did the  _ exact  _ same thing. 

 

Iruka stretched a bit, rocking himself very lightly to sleep. It was more of a quiet...wiggle of sorts. Like a dog dreaming of seeing his owner again. 

 

Kakashi just held him tighter, nose to the top of his head. As much as his friend argued how mature he was now, how grown up...he held fast to so many little things of his childhood. All things that the jonin found comfort in, even out of familiarity alone. 

 

"You okay?" He whispered.

 

"Mhm." Iruka sniffled, kicking himself a thousand million times in the ass for being very aware of the fact that Kakashi was very much shirtless in his bed, and he was flush to him, hell,  _ cuddling _ him even. 

 

_ Just enjoy it while it lasts, you weirdo.  _ He reprimanded himself. 

 

"Sorry…" He said hoarsely, relishing almost to the point of bliss the touch of his friend, literally every single inch of each other tangled up like this sending waves of euphoria down his spine. They hadn't done this since...since he was  _ little-little.  _ Twenty years at least. 

 

The wind picked up briefly, and Iruka pushed himself as close as he could get. 

 

"You're safe." Kakashi purred softly. "It won't get you." He felt a chuckle warm his chest. 

 

Iruka just nodded into his neck, his body literally  _ trembling  _ with joy as Kakashi's arms wrapped securely around his waist, bringing him closer. Soon, one arm moved upward, rustling the sheets as his hand cupped the back of his head.

 

The chuunin was ready to die now. This was all he'd ever wanted, and as much as stormy nights scared him shitless, he'd weather a thousand just to  _ dream  _ of this.   



	13. bOYS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WILL BE BOYS  
> sucks air thru teeth heres the nsfw shit so look away if youre weak [scoffs its not bad at all nothing happens lmaoooo]
> 
> IOOOHHOHOHOHOHOHO KAKASHI YOU NASTY FUCK I DIE  
>  **this chapter is pretty silly, i just wanted to write some dumbass shit so . bear with me.** ,

[[want you to want me | jason derulo]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztmBNXXMJ9s)

 

Kakashi wasn’t necessarily a _light_ sleeper, but Iruka’s knee jerking up to hit him directly in the ass was more than enough to open his eyes.

 

“H...hey!” The jonin struggled groggily to turn around and reprimand his friend, but the death grip the chuunin had around his belly was impossible to break, and he wound up falling back, accidentally elbowing him in the face.

 

Iruka was up in a flash, holding his nose, groaning loudly, rocking back and forth as he tried to ease the sharp pain.

 

“Sh-shit!” Kakashi clambered closer, legs twisted in the sheets, desperate to see if he had really hurt his friend, “Y-you okay--ah!” He lost balance as his legs tangled, faceplanting directly into his friend’s lap.

 

“Eeeyah!” Iruka bristled violently, hair nearly standing on end as the jonin’s arms flailed, frantically trying to find a good hold to push hinself back up. “G-get out of there!!” He squealed, nose forgotten.

 

Kakashi managed to get back up, red faced, but grinning loosely, a little drool slipping down the corner of his mouth and staining his mask.

 

“Heheh…” he laughed sloppily, “that answers a few questions I thought I’d never get the chance to ask….”

 

Iruka was on his feet in a flash, pointing furiously at his dazed friend, seeing he was in the same aroused state, which only made his bark angrier. “You PERVERT! You only stayed the night to see me like THIS!” He panted, freckles on fire. He blinked, as he tasted metal on his lips.

 

“Hehehehe!!” Kakashi stuck his tongue out childishly, “You like it too, your nose is bleeding!” He pointed back limply.

 

Iruka patted at his nose, the blood on his fingers making him just that much more flustered.

 

“That’s from you PUNCHING me you FUCKING IDIOT!” He grabbed a pillow and slammed it across the laughing man’s face, “ _BAKA_ SHI!

 

It nearly took him out, and he tumbled backwards, heels over head. But he was still laughing that _stupid laugh_!

 

The chuunin jumped him, wrestling with the jonin to get him to “Take it _back_ , you _pervert_!”

 

But it was no use, Kakashi seemed to effortlessly throw him onto his back, on his hands and knees over him, pinning him with a crooked grin.

 

“You’re...such...a... _bastard!”_ Iruka panted heavily, struggling even harder now as Kakashi slowly laid down on him, strong arms flexed to their limit, grip painfully tight on the chuunin’s wrists. Iruka could now freely move his legs, but in all ways that made Kakashi grin harder, cheeks bright red, his own nose dripping a little. _Especially_ when they wrapped around his back.

 

 _‘Fuck!”_ Iruka swore, gasping as he began to shake and shudder, the adrenaline doing all sorts of terrible things to his body, especially below the waist as both men’s shirts rode up, bare skin rubbing on bare skin.

 

He _couldn't_ let this do anything to him…but his body reacted how it would to any stimulation like this, and he _hated_ how weak he was to it. Maybe it was because it had been so long…

 

“Now? But we’ve only just met!” Kakashi teased, leaning in closer, _thoroughly_ enjoying watching Iruka strain, in more places than one, which he was _acutely_ aware of pressed below his hips.

 

“St-stop!!” The chuunin’s muscles gave in for a split second, and he felt his arms slammed down into the sheets to either side of his head, Kakashi holding himself up by holding his friend down.

 

“Why? You’re obviously enjoying it.” The jonin drawled, not so subtly pressing his hips into the chuunin’s, the feel of the young shinobi’s muscular thighs brushing his trim waist almost more than he could handle. There was an undeniable slickness staining the front of his friend’s boxer briefs. His as well.

 

“Why are you LIKE this?!” Iruka begged, tears in his eyes from exertion. “Let me _go_!” In one last attempt to rid himself of his assailant, he twisted his hips, managing to knee the jonin in the gut, then kick him off once he got the fleeting chance.

 

Kakashi fell backwards, winded, clutching his stomach as Iruka slammed another pillow down on his face.

 

“Don’t be so NASTY!” The chuunin was flushed all over, a thousand percent embarrassed. He sat back, squirming, swallowing thickly and rubbing the hot tears from his eyes. “What’s gotten _into_ you?”

 

“Ehehehe…” Kakashi gurgled, lifting one thumb up, “Can’t blame me for trying--ow!”

 

Another pillow crashed into his face.

[ **[trumpets | im so sorry im posting jason fucking derulo but bare with me]** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6G3DzLUt3Y)

Iruka bunched up, hugging his knees to his chest, facing away willfully.

 

Eventually, when Kakashi deemed the coast clear, he sat up, yawning and stretching.

 

“Want me to leave so you can take care of it?” He rubbed the back of his head, smacking his lips tiredly.

 

Iruka perked, turning to cock his head at his friend.  “Take care of _what?”_

 

“Yourself.” Kakashi stretched again, letting out a drawn out, husky moan.

 

Iruka’s thighs tensed painfully at the sound, and he looked down, cheeks burning up. He _was_...in a pretty bad state, considering.

 

“N-no...it’s fine.” He lied, scowling at the jonin. “It’ll go away.” A pause, as he reached for a pillow, “Like YOU if I hit you enough!” He threatened, fire in his eyes.

 

Kakashi gave him a weak grin, lazy eyes darting over to where his hand gripped the pillow.

 

“But then you’re just gonna be mad all day.” The jonin dodged a swift throw, “I’ll just go make breakfast while you--”

 

“No!” Iruka squeaked, “Then you’ll KNOW what I’m doing in here, and _your_ perverted ass will sit by the door _listening!_ ” He hissed, pillow slamming into the headboard as Kakashi ducked again.

 

 _Damn,_ the jonin thought, _he had him pegged there._

 

“N-no!” Kakashi tried to look innocent. “Honestly! I won't!” But a sly smirk pulled at the corners of his lips and he wiggled his eyebrows. “Unless...you want me to _stay_ and _help_ …”

 

The last thing he saw was Iruka’s eyes ablaze, and the oncoming pillow.

 

When he woke up, he was snuggled up to a pair of pillows lined up against him, his left leg thrown over it. He was even tucked in, a stuffed cat under his arm.

 

Head _pounding_ , Kakashi lifted himself up, glancing around. Iruka was nowhere to be found, but his sensitive nose caught whiff of something that smelled suspiciously like breakfast.

 

Making sure the bed was neat, and after adjusting his clothes in the mirror, the jonin padded out the door, stomach growling.

 

Where was Iruka? His eye caught sight of a note on the table next to some store bought pastries and homemade fruit salad.

 

“Help yourself.” It read, but Kakashi squinted at the scribbled out heart next to it. A scrapped afterthought? Oh well. He grabbed a pastry and a bit of melon, chowing down as he moseyed about.

 

It didn’t take long to find Iruka, and Kakashi made himself comfortable, leaning against a bookcase (there were a _lot_ in this house) watching him from out the back window.

 

The chuunin was practicing his taijutsu against a scarecrow training dummy in his backyard, fully dressed in his flack jacket and jumpsuit, hair pulled back in a tight bun.

 

Kakashi was thoroughly impressed with his skill, gray eye lazily tracking every movement, interest piqued at how fluid and...dance-like his style was. That was a lot of fancy footwork, but he pulled it off flawlessly. But...he seemed frustrated, as if he were trying to work out something personal against the scarecrow.

 

With a roll of his eyes, Kakashi figured the man was too stubborn to heed his earlier suggestion, and was practicing taijutsu in an effort to expel all that pent up energy..

 

 _Consider me intrigued_ , he thought, and stepped towards the back door, opening it.

 

“Mind if I train with you?” He smiled, hand up in a non committal greeting. “Lest you beat that poor scarecrow within an inch of his straw life?”

 

Iruka panted, looking up at him. It was evident he had been doing this for at least half an hour now.

 

“You finally come to your senses?” He snapped, scowling darkly, “I gave you _one_ rule, _no funny business_ and you broke it.”

 

Kakashi _did_ feel bad, a sheepish grin on his face.

 

“Can I say I thought it only applied at night?”

 

A shuriken whizzed past his cheek, opening his eyes wide as adrenaline shot through his veins.

 

“Nope, nope, I totally take that as a big, fat, _nope_.” He JUST LOOKS LIKE JIM FROM THE OFFICE I DONT KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT “But if I win, can you come in so we can get packed for the trip?”

 

“And if _I_ win?” Iruka’s face was scarily set. It almost reminded him of Yamato, and chills ran up Kakashi’s spine.

 

“Uhh...shit.”

 

“The fact you _didn't_ consider it makes me want to kick your ass _that_ much harder.” Iruka growled.

 

“Hehe...if you win…” Kakashi scrambled for something in return. “You can piggyback on me up the mountain if you get tired?”

 

“ _Pervert!”_ Iruka barked, and another shuriken whipped past the jonin’s face.

 

“Yeesh!” Kakashi was sweating now, “I’ll put a good word in to Tsunade about you becoming a jonin?

 

“Now you’re just sucking up!” Iruka puffed up, arms crossed.

 

Kakashi groaned internally. _Damn, Iruka got mad when he blue balled himself._

 

“I’ll buy you those mochi you like?” He offered weakly.

 

It was if the dark cloud over the chuunin’s face dissipated, a lighthearted sparkle returning his eyes.

 

“Better.”

 

Kakashi let out a heavy sigh of relief.


	14. ...Will be Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one is missing kakashis replies bc RAGE IS SO FUCKING SLOW ily sweetie ur killin me   
> be patient. were only human. ill tide yall over with gay shit anyway you know this
> 
> **anyway this chapter is literally kakashi staring at irukas ass and crying internally**
> 
> **HEY PRETEND I WROTE KAKASHI NOTICING THAT IRUKA HAS THE KANJI FOR "WILL OF FIRE" TATTOOED TO HIS BACK BC I TOTALLY FORGOT/DIDNT THINK OF IT TILL LATER BUT YEAH THATS A THING WHOOPS**

> **SO THERES SUPPOSED TO BE A SPARRING SCENE BETWEEN THEM RIGHT HERE  
>  BC IM LAZY AND RAGE DOES BETTER FIGHTS THAN I CAN,   
> JUST WATCH SOME NART AMVS AND MAKE UP YOUR OWN FOR NOW LMAO**

**[as of 5/27/19 this needs a reply from kakashi]**

 

“Tag, you’re it.” Kakashi whispered from behind in Iruka’s ear, kunai pressed delicately to his jugular. 

 

The chuunin groaned loudly, slumping as Kakashi was forced to catch him. 

 

“I’m dying now, so you have to rush me to medical, thanks.” He gave a little jingle of his headplate, grinning, knowing his sudden weight was enough to startle his friend. 

 

“Well, shit.” The jonin snorted, glad Iruka wasn't a sore loser by any means, and quickly ducked under him to fireman lift him. “I’ll run as fast as I can.” He began to take very exaggerated slow lunges. 

 

Iruka let out a belly laugh, leaning his weight back so he could be carried reverse piggyback. He let Kakashi have the scowliest pout he could muster, doing his best not to laugh again. 

 

“Too slow. I’m dead.” The chuunin folded his arms, watching his friend’s biceps strain at the new weight. Ninja  _ christ. _

 

“Fine.” Kakashi hissed, actually walking towards the backdoor now. “I’ll get Tsunade’s slugs to fix you.” 

 

Chills flew up Iruka’s spine and he scrambled out of the man’s arms, holding tight to his shoulders to keep himself steady.

 

“Eugh….anything but those!” He grimaced, nose scrunched up cutely. “Just dont cry at my funeral.” 

 

Kakashi reached past him to grab the water bottle they’d been sharing, and squirted some in his eye, chuckling messily. 

 

“Too late.” 

 

Iruka shook his head, laughing, playfully cuffing his friend on the shoulder. “Stop…”

 

“Thanks though. I’m feeling a lot better now, and…” He didn’t notice Kakashi eyeing him as he took down his bun and shook his hair out, combing through it with his fingers. He turned to flash a bright smile at the jonin, “I’m sorry about this morning. I think we were both in some sort of way.” Iruka skillfully tied his hair back up into the signature bushy ponytail. 

 

Kakashi swallowed thickly, eyes trained on the man’s lips before returning a sheepish grin. 

 

“Y-yeah.” He scritched at the blush forming on his cheek. 

 

“Anyway, let’s go get washed up.” Iruka slung a towel over his shoulders, and removed his flack jacket and the top of his uniform. He stretched a bit, sweat glistening off his chest. 

 

_ Holy shit. _ The jonin breathed heavily.  _ Those...fuckin’ pecs.  _

 

Iruka wasn’t cut, like he was, but he was still quite toned. He had an adorable amount of babyfat left over, or maybe it was all those nights taking Naruto out to Ichiraku, but it just spilled over into the softest round hips. He still boasted a generally flat stomach, which curved down in a V to places he’d only had dreams of. Didn’t help that **LISTEN HES LOOKING AT HIS HAPPY TRAIL AND IVE BEEN STUCK ON THIS FOR TEN MINUTES  
I GIVE UP  
AD LIB YOUR OWN POETIC WAY OF SAYING PUBES OKAY**

 

Kakashi felt a strangled whine rise in his throat, a bit of warmth on his upper lip bringing him back to earth. 

 

“Sensei?” Iruka frowned curiously, before straightening up. “Oh! Shit! Your nose, I didn’t hit you there, did I? I don’t remember doing that…” He reached out to touch his friend’s cheek, but the jonin backed up, wiping his nose on his arm. 

 

“Eheh,” he chuckled weakly, “It’s no big deal.” 

 

Before Iruka could answer, a “yoo-hoo!” Rang out from behind the wooden backyard fence. 

 

The men turned to see Sakura waving, smiling brightly, flanked by Ino and Hinata.

 

For once, Iruka wasn’t worried about cats OR daffodils. 

 

“Hello, ladies!” Their old sensei waved back, beaming. “How are you? Did you need something?” He set his shirt and jacket on the porch railing, and padded out to meet them, leaving Kakashi to stare at his ass. 

 

His nose started to bleed again. He just held his hand up, pissed he’d have to change out his mask. 

 

_ Fuuck.  _ He groaned internally.  _ He must squat like hell.  _

 

“We just wanted to come check on you. How are you, Sensei?” Sakura greeted him warmly, though Hinata and Ino’s faces had flushed a dusty shade of pink, never having seen their teacher in this state. 

 

**SAKURAS A LESBIAN SO SHES IMMUNE**

**Well so is Ino but we’re working on it.**

 

“Any day I have off is a good day.” Iruka grinned. “You sure you don’t need anything? I bought a few watermelons the other day, and I certainly can't eat them all myself. Did you three want to kick off summer early with us?” 

 

“Only if we can have a melon-smashing contest,” Sakura smirked, arms crossed. 

 

Hinata and Ino exchanged worried looks.

They were just...going to smash them? What was the point of buying fruit just to smash it?

 

“You’ve got yourselves a deal.” Iruka winked, and Kakashi, who had padded over to see what the all the commotion was, felt faint. 

 

_ Son of a bitch _ . He thought.  _ Must be the sun.  _

 

“But,” Iruka continued, brows furrowed, “as an apology for the other day, I’ll take you girls out for barbeque once Kakashi and I get back from our trip.” 

 

The jonin felt his head tilt a bit in confusion, but decided to stay silent. 

 

“You’re too nice, Sensei.” Ino giggled. “Make sure whoever you settle down with doesn’t walk all over you.” 

 

“Wait, wait...trip? Where are you going? Is it a mission?” Sakura piped up, leaning against the picket fence, eager to hear more. 

 

She, Ino, and Hinata had seen their emotional exchange a few nights back. _Were they…?_

 

“The springs.” Iruka smiled cheerily, “Naruto was kind enough to give me a pair of tickets a while back.” 

 

The pink haired jonin’s face fell into a state of irritation. “Yeah, because he asked ME to go with him two weeks ago, and I said no.” 

 

The group all had a good chuckle, before Iruka waved them on over, and into the house, telling them to make themselves comfortable while he and Kakashi washed up from their training. 

 

The latter followed him cautiously into the modest bathroom. 

 

“Did something happen?’ The silver haired jonin leaned against the bathroom sink, before realizing with jolt that Iruka was  _ definitely  _ just getting naked in front of him. He swallowed at the dryness in the back of his throat, head spinning. 

 

The chuunin shook his head, shrugging a bit, shimmying his pants off to toss into the hamper with the rest of his clothes. “They just caught me on a bad day. I got a bit frustrated and said a bit more than I should have.” He said vaguely, stepping into the shower and turning it on. 

 

_ Don’t look at his dick. Don’t do it. Don’t fucking do it, Kakashi, I swear to Kaguya’s fat ass, if you look-- _

 

Iruka pulled back his hair to get it wet, sighing contentedly, before noticing his friend was still standing in his bathroom fully clothed and staring dead at him. 

 

“You...you alright? Don’t you want to shower, too?” He blinked, squirting some shampoo onto his palm. “It’s pretty roomy in here, unless you wanted to wait.” 

 

**rage hasnt fukkking given me the reply where kakashi accepts and shower shenanigans ensue [no theres no sex get out this is slow burn. suffer.]  
**

 

Once they were both dressed (Iruka lent Kakashi a comfy tshirt and some sweats) they met the girls in the living room. 

 

“Thanks for waiting, ladies.” Their old sensei padded into the kitchen to open the fridge and pull out the watermelons, when Sakura spoke up, brow raised. 

 

“Iruka-sensei, you already apologized. You don't need to be so formal sounding.” 

 

Iruka’s head popped out from over the fridge door. 

 

“Formal?” He chuffed. “You ARE ladies now, aren’t you? You aren’t ankle biters like you were back in my class.” He closed the door with his shoulder, a watermelon under each arm. “Sakura, you’re a joniin. Be glad I’m not calling you “ma’am.” He teased, chuckling.

 

“Ugh, don’t make me feel older than I am.” She grumped. “Let’s just get this contest started.”

 

Hinata surprisingly spoke up for once.

 

“What...kind of contest is it?” She watched as Iruka and Sakura entered a staredown before heading out the back door, holding a melon each, and a bucket in their free hand.

 

Kakashi blinked, stupefied.  _ Wait a minute.  _ He watched as the pair of shinobi sat on the back steps, the green fruit in their laps.  _ Wait a goddamn minute. Was THAT why Iruka was wearing...tight shorts?  _

 

Her old sensei grinned. “It’s quite simple, really. We put the melon between our thighs and flex, and whoever breaks it first, wins. Then we all get to eat!” 

 

Kakashi felt whatever strength he had in his knees ebb away. He knew his nose was bleeding but he had given up. This was too much. 

 

“So, if I win, what do I get?” Sakura positioned the melon, and leaned back. 

 

Iruka mirrored her, and frowned thoughtfully. 

 

“Hmm...what to give the girl who has everything…” He teased gently, before chuffing at his past student’s eyeroll. “Let’s decide afterwards, alright? But no using chakra for this, kay?” 

 

“Fine by me.” 

 

Kakashi watched in lucid horror as Iruka slipped the watermelon between his THICC thighs. He grinned up at the jonin.

 

“Watch this!” 

 

Sakura nodded.

 

“Ready...set…”

 

“Go!”

 

Iruka inhaled sharply, his entire lower half going into a gradual powerful tense, a look of calm concentration on his face. His quads flexed dramatically, a distinct outline along the smooth, tanned thighs. Even his pecs and biceps bulged as he pushed out his chest and leaned back from the exertion. 

 

The melon burst in a gush of magenta, the fruit falling in  **chunks, huh** into the bucket below, the sharp crack of the shell resounding in Kakashi’s head. Speaking of, he almost wished it  _ had _ been his head. 

 

A second crack quickly followed, as Sakura swiftly ended her watermelon’s life. 

 

“Guess I win.” Iruka beamed, panting softly. “Better luck next time!”

 

Kakashi narrowly missed collapsing from this fucking nosebleed, and managed to lean on a support post to keep himself standing. 

 

_ Fuck me. _ He groaned internally.  _ Just fuck me up, this is torture.  _

 

Sakura pouted for a bit, but any hard feelings soon faded as Iruka helped hand out the juicy fruit to the girls. Kakashi declined, though he was definitely... _ thirsty _ now. 

 

The party relaxed on the porch as the morning sun climbed high into the sky, and the remaining melon dwindled. A few more contests were held, in which Ino won the seed spitting contest, and Hinata alarmingly being able to eat down to the rind faster than anyone else. 

 

As the air grew humid and hot, Iruka made to gather everything up and invite the girls into the cool interior, but…

 

“Iruka-sensei!” A deep voice rang out, making the chuunin stop in his tracks, ankles weak.  _ Shit.  _ He thought.  _ Was that…?  _

 

Kakashi immediately recognized the sound, and instinctively smiled to himself, though he was curious. 

 

Iruka jogged out to the fence as Yamato strode up, a flash of red poking out over the bushes. 

 

“You have a visitor.” He smiled weakly, a face caught between embarrassment and pity. 

 

“Nami!” Iruka gasped, hastily unlocking the gate to get to the little girl, who was obviously distraught. But even as he approached her and knelt down, she only squeezed Yamato’s hand tighter and turned her head away. 

 

The shinobi huffed a soft laugh. 

 

“Let me explain…” He sighed. “Apparently her mother and father were called out on a mission today. She wanted to go see you, but couldn’t find you at the school. She saw me, and…” He gave the girl’s hand a tiny squeeze. “Well, she must’ve recognized me somehow, and demanded I come with her, because she thought…” He chuckled, “I was a police officer because of the “Captain” in my title. She told me she needed me to find you, so I brought her here, and we heard you out back.” A bit of a bashful blush spread across his cheeks as he noticed Kakashi stroll up and give him a pleasant wave. “Aannd, here we are.” 

 

Nami gave a great big sniff, bottom lip upturned, dropping Yamato’s hand to reach out to Iruka. 

 

“S-sensei…!” She let out a bawl, and in a flash, Iruka swept her into his arms, holding her close, nose buried in her shoulder. “I was s-so scawed!” The little lisp was stronger when she got upset. 

 

“It’s okay, baby. You did the right thing, I’m proud of you.” Iruka smiled through teary eyes as he plopped the girl on his hip. “I’m off today, so I wasn’t at school. But you know how to get to my house, don’t you?” He gave her a little bounce, and she nodded, face still crumpled. 

 

“Yeah...but…” 

 

“It’s alright. I’m here now, so, what did you need me for?” He leaned in, seeing as she noticed the large group of people and grew anxious, cramming her face in his collarbone to hide. 

 

“Dont wanna say it.” She mumbled, tiny fingers curling around his shirt. “Too many.” 

 

Iruka smiled, and gave her a tender kiss on the temple, which she complained loudly about, and everyone laughed. 

 

“We still have some watermelon left. How about you join us, Captain?” Iruka offered, but the man declined politely. 

 

“I would love to,” he glanced briefly at Kakashi, “But I’m on duty today, and tomorrow I’ll be out of town.” 

 

“That’s a shame.” The chuunin still mustered a hopeful smile for his superior. “Maybe next time.” 

 

“We still have all summer, I’m sure we’ll see each other again.” He nodded, before waving goodbye, headed back for town. 

 

The radio played country, the little girl chowed down on the rest of the watermelon, and all was right with the world once more. 

 

The three kunoichi said their farewells, each receiving a warm hug from their old sensei before heading out. 

 

_ Goddess, he missed them.  _

 

Once everything was cleaned up, Iruka padded inside with Nami on his right hip and his father’s radio on his left. 

 

Kakashi looked at him expectantly as he set the now sleepy girl down on the couch. All that crying and worrying wore her out, and her eyelids had begun to droop. 

 

“Now what?” He murmured, concern clouding his gray eye. 

 

“Make yourself comfortable. I’m going to take her to bed and let her nap. I’ll be back out in a minute.” 

 

With a smile and a shrug, Kakashi watched as Iruka squatted down to ask the girl if she wanted to rest, and her little arms reaching out for him was all the answer he needed. 

 

He smiled over his shoulder at Kakashi as he carried her to the bedroom, eyes awash with a hazy paternal pride. 

 

The jonin felt a numbness spread through him. 

 

He had a sense that this...this was what Iruka had been talking about yesterday. A baby to hold, and someone to keep his bed from being empty. 

 

_ “You could just stand in my living room all night, and it’d make me happy.” _

 

Was he saying...did he mean…

 

Could.. _ he  _ be that person to Iruka? 

 

The thoughts dispersed as the chuunin emerged from the bedroom. 

 

“Sorry, sweetheart, she just gets so tired when she cries--” A look of cold shock bled all the color from his face as he realized what he had just said. “I...I’m so sorry, Kakashi-sensei!” 

 

Where there was no tint in Iruka’s cheeks, Kakashi’s had taken it all in, a vivid hot pink blush spread like wildfire up to his ears.

 

_ Sweetheart.  _ Goddess, why did he feel like he could get used to that? 

 

“I-it’s okay…” He managed, glancing down at his feet. “I...I don’t mind it.” He was swift to cover up his true feelings with, “After all the things I’ve been called, it’s the least of my worries. 

 

Iruka just nodded, the warmth returning to his rosy cheeks. 

 

The shinobi stood in awkward silence together, minds racing with every thought, and none at all. 

 

“So...I guess we’ll have to put off packing for a little while.” The younger began sheepishly. 

 

Kakashi let out a sigh, crooked grin tugging at his lips. “I don’t mind. I’m standing in your living room, so you’re happy, right?” The smirk grew. 

 

“Quit it.” Iruka blushed, rounded cheeks puffed up in a cute pout. “Don’t tease me.” 

 

But what he  _ wanted  _ to say was “Don’t  _ stop _ teasing me.” 

 

The men found themselves flopped on the couch not five minutes later, Iruka completely relaxed, his own eyes half lidded as his head began to nod. He was tired too, after all the earlier excitement and training. In just a few moments, his head tilted, jerking him awake. 

 

With a grumble, he stretched out, half asleep as he leaned up against Kakashi’s shoulder, right arm wrapped loosely around his left. 

 

Only when the jonin was sure the chunin was asleep, did he lift his arm so his friend could rest his cheek to his chest. Kakashi felt his whole body prickle with heat as Iruka wrapped his arms around his trim torso in a sleepy hug. 

 

The older shinobi quietly pulled out _Icha_ _Icha_ and began to read, gently petting the younger’s back. 

 

 _Could this be it?_ He thought. It felt like...he had only gotten a glimpse, a taste, a fleeting touch of paradise today. But it was enough for him to realize why people dreamed endlessly for the domestic life. 

 

Either way, he wouldn't dwell on it. He’d just...wait until Iruka was ready. 

 

Ready to wake up, that is. 

 

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand i turn it back round to being gay and fluffy. you know the routine by now folks


	15. Requited Request

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This ones kinda short but.   
> god bless nami

Kakashi found himself dozing off as well, until Iruka suddenly shifted, stretching slowly. Cute little grumbles caught in his throat as he limbered up, nuzzling into the jonin’s chest.

 

Then the chuunin lost his balance, an innocent roll over putting him in danger of falling off the couch. Despite his drowsiness, Kakashi’s reflexes were lightning quick, and he leapt up, grabbing the young man around the waist, hauling him up awkwardly. Iruka woke with a start, staring up at him with wide brown eyes, chest heaving.

 

A cheerful little voice piped up from behind him, almost making him drop his friend. 

 

“Is sensei teaching you to dance?” Nami trotted over, “Cuz he does that to me all the time! It’s almost my favorite!” 

 

Kakashi exchanged panicked looks with Iruka. 

 

Since when had the kid woken up?! 

 

“Y-yeah!” Iruka lied squeakily, before clearing his throat. 

 

The jonin winced at how cute the sound was after he woke up.

 

“Good! Then you both can come to the dance and be my dads!”

 

Kakashi dropped Iruka like a stone, jaw loose. But the chuunin was quick to react, flailing wildly until he caught hold of his friend’s shirt, yanking him down with him. They both crashed into a heap on the floor, groaning in pain, much to the little girl’s amusement. 

 

“Haha! You’re really bad at it, Mr. Kakashi!” She giggled as the jonin tried to untangle himself from the chuunin, who was profusely apologizing under his breath, both their cheeks stained pink.

 

“You know me?” He managed to plop down cross-legged on the floor so he didn’t have to squat down to be eye level. 

 

“Yeah!” She folded her arms, brows raised as she gave a flushed Iruka a dramatic pout. “Sensei talks about you ALL the time.” 

 

She got EXACTLY the reaction she wanted.

 

The chunin scrambled to his knees, reaching out to grab the girl and put a hand over her mouth, a sheepish grin on his face, but she was too fast, and he faceplanted into the carpet. 

 

“Oh, really? He does?” Kakashi’s shoulders shook briefly as a chuckle warmed his voice. He felt like he was watching the start of a TV Novella. “What about? 

 

“Nami, please…” Iruka whined, picking himself off the floor, face bright red with shame, which he was quick to cover with both hands. 

 

“Well…” She grinned, pleased to have gotten such a strong emotion out of her teacher. “First off, Sensei says you’re really cool and strong.” She flexed, and made a face, at which Kakashi snorted, unable to hold back a wiggly little smile. 

 

“He thinks I’m tough?” 

 

“Totally.”

 

“Naaaamiiiiii…..” Iruka hunched over, clearly mortified. 

 

“What else?” The jonin urged, which only excited the girl more. 

 

“Well, he says he likes your hair, and your smile, and your laugh, but...most of all he REALLY likes your hands.” She gave a little stomp, hands on her hips. “It’s what he talks about most.”

 

Iruka was now fully folded in on himself. This was it. He’d just die now, of pure shame. How could his little girl betray him like this?!

 

Kakashi’s laughter faded completely, and he swallowed thickly, nose tingling. 

 

“My...hands…?” The jonin whispered, staring directly at the chuunin, who’d managed to come out of his shell, sitting formally, arms taut, palms to the floor. He couldn't make eye contact with his friend. He’d see the tears welling up, and the hot blush melting his freckles.  

 

“Yeah. Says he wants to hold them all the time.” 

She said proudly. 

 

Kakashi felt his heart break a little.

So it  _ had _ been years now. 

 

“NAMI!” Iruka’s voice cracked, startling the girl. She stood stock still, not understanding why her teacher looked so upset. So...sad? She was just teasing him, she didn’t mean to hurt him. She didn’t say anything  _ bad _ did she? 

 

“Nami.” Much softer this time, and he beckoned her over to his lap. She obeyed, albeit hesitantly. He held her close, and whispered in her ear. “I thought I asked you to keep that a secret.” 

 

Nami began to cry, her face crinkling as the first tears fell down her rosy cheeks. 

 

“Shh...I’m not angry. I just...I didn’t want Kakashi-sensei to know those things, yet.” He mumbled, shoulders falling. He stroked her fluffy red hair, trying to soothe her. 

 

“B-but…” She sniffed, “You told me to always talk about my-my f-feelings…” Her tiny fingers curled into fists gripping his shirt. “Why don’t you eva talk about yous?” The lisp was back as she hiccuped pitifully. 

 

Kakashi gave Iruka a pitying look. 

 

He wanted, wanted so badly to say _ “She’s right, you know.”  _ As gently as he could, but he didn't want to invade on this moment. 

 

Iruka couldn't bring himself to try and explain that society looked down on two men being together like that, so he sighed, and shook his head. 

 

“Just because I’m a grown up, doesn't mean I’ve stopped making mistakes.” He admitted, smiling weakly as he watched her finally calm down. He kissed the tears from her cheeks and ruffled her hair. “I’m sorry.” 

 

“Does that mean...you can't come to the father-daughter dance tonight?” She blurted out, the sniffles starting up again. 

 

Iruka blinked, wanting to say something about already having plans -- hell, it was late afternoon and they hadn’t packed a thing! But…

 

“Well…” He swallowed nervously, lifting pleading brown eyes to Kakashi. “You’ll have to ask Kakashi-sensei.”

 

**ASK YOUR FATHER**

 

Nami scrambled like a kitten off of Iruka’s lap, and right into Kakashi’s, much to her teachers horror and the jonin’s surprise. He still smiled. Red hair...that beaming grin…she must have been an Uzumaki, just like Naruto. 

 

“Mr. Kakashi, can you pretty please come? If I have two dads, then everyone will stop teasing me.” 

 

Kakashi cocked his head.

 

“Teasing you?” 

 

Iruka frowned, his nose ruddy as it pained him to speak up.

 

“Kakashi...her parents are...ANBU. They aren't...always there for her for these kinda things. The kids...the kids are cruel, and think they just don’t care about her.” 

 

Nami was too focused on the jonin’s answer to listen to her teacher. 

 

Kakashi felt his heart grow cold. ANBU. He got the feeling he knew exactly who this girl’s parents were. 

 

He quickly replaced his morose face with a cheerful one.

 

“Of course. I’d love to.” She just looked so damn much like Naruto, that even if he wanted to say no, he couldn't. 

 

“YAYY!” Nami threw her arms around Kakashi’s neck, hugging him as tight as she could.

 

Iruka’s eyes widened.

 

“Y-you...you’d what?!” He spluttered.

 

“I said I’d love to.” Kakashi chuckled warmly, turning the charming smile on his friend. 

 

Iruka’s toes curled. 

 

He stared at his friend like a deer in the headlights. 

 

No one had ever made his toes curl. As stupid as it sounded, it was something his mom always told him growing up.

 

“You’ll know she’s the one if she makes your toes curl any time she looks at you!” She’d laugh. 

 

_ Was Kakashi-sensei… _ .

 

“I...I w-won’t have time to teach you to dance beforehand…” He stammered, looking lost. 

 

“That’s okay.” Kakashi’s eyes were squinched shut in a contented beam, Nami now playing with his hair. “You can teach me there.” 

 

“Y-you sure…?” 

 

“Positive.” 

 

Iruka wanted to cry. He wanted to cry every single tear left in him all at once at the sight in front of him. His baby girl in the jonin’s lap, a smile on his lips, the house empty no more. 

 

It felt like he was going to get sick, but a good kind of sick. A million thoughts, ideas,  _ desires _ rushed through his head, nearly all of them involving him joining them in a hug, holding them close. But…

 

His toes were still tightly curled. 

 

His chest heaved with tiny pants. 

 

He knew one thing. 

 

He’d fallen. He’d fallen hard. 

 

He couldn’t deny it any longer. 

 

There was something in Kakashi Hatake that he  _ could not _ live without. Something in this man that he  _ always  _ wanted to be a part of. 

 

He…

 

He…wanted to... _ be  _ with him. 

 

The silence had begun to worry his friend, however, and he reached out, fingers alighting like a scarred dove on his hand. 

 

“Iruka?” It was tenderness incarnate.

 

The tears fell, tears he hadn't even noticed were there to begin with. 

 

His voice...Goddess, he wanted to hear him say his name a thousand, million, infinite times over just like  _ that.  _

 

He wanted... _ this.  _

 

“Give me...a moment.” Iruka breathed, looking away to wipe the tears from his cheeks. “I’m...very grateful.” 

 

“Think nothing of it.” Kakashi chuckled, giving his friend’s hand a quick squeeze before getting up, child in tow. “But I think this is yours.” He lifted Nami into Iruka’s arms as the shinobi rose to his feet as well. 

 

“I’m gonna have two daddies!” She cried out gleefully, to which Iruka tilted his head back and laughed pathetically at. 

 

“Just...don’t...make a big scene about it, okay? Promise?” her sensei sighed, adjusting her on his hip.

 

“Pwomise.” 

 

Once they had figured out time and place, Iruka waved farewell to Kakashi, promising to have his jumpsuit and jacket returned by tomorrow, and thanking him profusely. 

 

“Do you have a dress?” Iruka turned to Nami as Kakashi turned the corner out of sight. 

 

“Yeah! Daddy made it just for me!” She danced a bit. 

 

“Good, let’s go to your house and get it, and I’ll just bring my suit to get changed there too.” 

 

“Two dads...two dads...I’m gonna have two whole daddies…!” Nami sung softly to herself as she skipped alongside Iruka back to her house. 

 


	16. Shall We

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its the dance folks  
> buckle up. theres gonna be a lot.   
> [AS OF 5/27/19 UNFINISHED]'
> 
> also? do your thirsty self a favor and google image search "kakashi tuxedo"
> 
> youre welcome. bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise you well focus on nami i just need them to be stupid awkward grown men first

It wasn’t until after he left Iruka’s house that Kakashi realized just exactly what he had agreed to, and more importantly, just how unprepared he was for such an occasion. He’d never really been to anything of the sort. The shinobi was a little comforted by the fact that he wasn’t going to be alone.

 

He could dance. Sort of. 

 

Sometimes Gai coaxed him into dancing on nighttime outings, and he liked dancing then, even though he wasn’t particularly good at it. The silver-haired shinobi typically just did basic motions with his hips and arms, nothing quite as fancy or zealous as Gai’s...coordinated flailing. Though, Kakashi was sure that if some alcohol had been involved, then that was a different story. Thing is, he never remembered any of it.

 

And he highly doubted there was going to be alcohol at a father-daughter dance.

 

In the end, he was just going to have to trust Iruka to help him, and he was sure he would. And hopefully, he wouldn’t even have to dance very much. Maybe Nami wouldn’t even pay attention to him. It was bad enough there was going to be a crowd, but Kakashi was sure he wouldn’t personally know any of the fathers that would be present. That gave him a little bit of relief.

 

Only, it wasn’t just the dancing part that he wasn’t exactly prepared for.

 

He didn’t have any dress wear.

 

Aside from the formal black clothing he’d wear to funerals (which, he wished did not happen as much as they did), Kakashi wasn’t in possession of any sort of suit. He couldn’t go in his regular attire. Though, if he really wanted to, he would. He didn’t think that would fly well with young Nami, however, and he wasn’t going to let the little girl down. 

 

Nor Iruka, for that matter.

 

Kakashi wasn’t even really sure where exactly to start, and he only had so little time.

 

The jōnin found himself at Might Gai’s door, the only person he knew of to rely on when it came to stuff like this. Really, he was the only one of his friends he could think of that would even care about things like dances. Thankfully, it didn't take long for the door to swing open, and for him to be swept up in a firm embrace, Gai happily exclaiming his arrival. It was always a treat whenever his rival came to visit him at his apartment. It didn’t take as long as it usually did to peel his best friend off of him once Kakashi told him that he needed a favor. 

 

After briefly filling Gai in on his predicament, Kakashi didn’t have much time to gather his bearings before Gai grabbed him by the hand and guided him down the stairs to his complex and along the streets. Before long, they came to a building Kakashi hadn’t ever noticed, its window full of fancy dress wear. 

 

As soon as they stepped inside, trim black suits lining the large display room, the silver-haired jōnin felt his shoulders fall.

 

“I don’t think a  _ tuxedo  _ is really necessary--” Kakashi began, feeling very out of place in such an establishment.

 

“Nonsense!” Gai interjected, giving his best friend a hardy pat on the back. “I know what I’m talking about.”

 

“Well, of course.”

 

“Hey! How about this one!” Gai dragged Kakashi over to a suit that was displayed on a mannequin, careful-handed stitching accentuating its crisp form.

 

“They all look the same to me,” Kakashi muttered, glancing around at the numerous tuxes on display. 

 

Gai didn’t pay his comment any mind as he studied the suit with a critical eye. The jōnin would know which suit was the perfect match for Kakashi as soon as he saw it. He was counting on him to pick out the right look, and he wasn’t going to treat this as any small matter.

 

The store clerk came to their aid, with Gai doing most of the talking while Kakashi was pulled this way and that, jackets off all styles being held up to him, and even being tossed into a fitting room a couple times to try on a few of the suits that caught Gai’s eye. None of them were  _ just right _ though, as once Kakashi stepped out, fiddling with the waistcoat, Gai took a second for appraisal, before shaking his head, a frown on his face and brows furrowed. 

 

Just when Kakashi was considering giving up and just going with one he had already tried on just to put all of this to an end, Gai’s eyes suddenly lit up like stars, rushing over to a stark black tuxedo. The suit was practically shoved into Kakashi’s arms, and he was quickly pushed back into the fitting room.

 

Gai waited WITH BAITED BREATH until Kakashi stepped out, rubbing at the back of his head when Gai caught sight of him. The tux was already quite fitted, in need of very little adjustments, the slim waistcoat trimmed almost perfectly to Kakashi’s build. The shinobi had kept his undershirt and mask on, of course, but it didn’t look too out of place with the complete ensemble. 

 

“Lookin’ mighty sharp, Kakashi! Not bad, if I do say so myself,” Gai gave him a thumbs up of approval while the clerk pinned the few places that needed adjusting, proud of his work.

 

Kakashi just stood there in silence, taking in his fate. It was a little embarrassing to say the least.

 

The two waited while the tux was hemmed and altered, stepping out of the shop to stroll through a couple other stores in the meantime. They returned not long after, picking up the suit, and set off on their way at a leisurely pace. 

 

“Now…” Kakashi stiffened with alert when Gai went on, almost sounding like a plotting villain. “To complete the whole look, with FLOWERS!” Gai spun around with flair, stopping to give a particularly dramatic double thumbs up, blinding grin sparkling.

 

“Flowers?”

 

“You can’t show up to a dance without a  boutonnière! (IDK WHAT THE JAPANESE EQUIVALENT WOULD BE TO A FRENCH WORD IM LAUGHING) That’s just wrong.” Gai placed his hands on his hips, almost disappointed at how little Kakashi knew about all of this. And all this time he thought the shinobi was into trendy things like this.

 

Just like before, Kakashi was hauled off to another shop he was not aware of, stumbling behind Gai into a humble floral shop. Arrays of different sizes of flower arrangements were scattered about, some in pots on shelves or tables, others bundled up and placed in a cooling rack, water periodically sprinkling down to keep them hydrated. Once again, Kakashi felt very much out of his element.

 

Gai went about choosing an arrangement, keeping in mind Kakashi’s style. He looked for something subtle, yet elegant, not too worried about bright, flamboyant colors. Thankfully, the process didn’t take as long as it did to find a suit, and once he found one that suited his best friend, Gai quickly checked out with Kakashi.

 

Kakashi hadn’t known until they left the shop that Gai had also gotten the corsage that went along with it, and he could do nothing more but give a lighthearted sigh.

 

Going over the top was nothing new when it came to the Blue Beast of Konoha. Kakashi was more than used to it. That didn’t stop his cheeks heating up abashedly from all the attention he had been getting.

 

The two returned to Kakashi’s house, and Gai eagerly helped his friend get everything together. He lounged about on the couch while Kakashi got changed in his room, waiting impatiently until the doorknob turned and Kakashi stepped out, now dressed in the tuxedo. He let Gai fit the boutonnière to the lapel of his jacket, straightening everything up. His mask remained, but his headband was forgone, his scarred eye closed like usual when he wasn’t in battle. Gai had tried to convince him to style his hair, even comb it back, but Kakashi hastily declined the notion, so his friend settled for quickly brushing his fingers through the unruly silver locks and then stepped back to take it in.

 

Satisfied, Gai gave Kakashi an approving grin. 

 

Finally.

 

After thanking the man that he could always rely on, Kakashi bid Gai goodbye, both of them departed, and Kakashi set off for the dance. The evening was warm and quiet, and it helped ease his nerves. He was more excited than anything, if he was honest. It was just nerve-wracking; he’d never done anything like this.

 

The sun was just beginning to set once he reached his destination, watching people file in through the double doors. A banner that read “Father-Daughter Dance” hung above the entrance, and Kakashi was relieved he made it to the right place. He fell into place, not recognizing anyone so far. The line stepped out into a large room, the lights slightly dimmed and flowers and balloons decorating the numerous tables set about. Of course, the center of the room was empty, cleared for space to dance.

 

The large room was quite packed with fathers and their little girls, and Kakashi took a moment to scan the crowd. He wasn’t sure if Iruka and Nami were even there yet. He decided it was best to stay near the entrance just in case, until Nami’s deep red hair caught his eye

 

That trademark Uzumaki hair was impossible to miss, and he quickly noticed Iruka right beside her, back to him, seated at a table while Nami twirled about in excitement. Kakashi slid his hands into his pockets, walking to them as he fought back the slight nervousness creeping in his chest with a deep breath. 

 

Nami bounced in place, her mouth moving as she told Iruka something until the man approaching them caught her eye and she stopped, recognizing him instantly.

 

“Mr. Kakashi!” the little girl ran to him, looking up at him with a beaming face. “Are you ready to dance?!” 

 

Kakashi chuckled, giving her a smile right back.

 

“You bet.” Shifting, Kakashi pulled out the small container that held the corsage, and he got down on a knee so that he could be at the girl’s level and held out a hand to her. “Here, let me see your hand first. These are for you.” 

 

Nami obliged, watching with unusual silence as Mr. Kakashi took out a small bundle of modest, white flowers and slid them over her hand so that they rest on her wrist, and the shinobi found himself marveling at just how tiny her hand was compared to his. He watched the little girl bring the flowers close to her face, a bright smile growing on her lips.

 

“Pretty~!” Nami squealed, before throwing her arms around the jōnin’s neck, taking him aback. “Thank you, Mr. Kakashi…!”

 

Kakashi was frozen for a moment, blinking in surprise. 

 

“No need to thank me,” he replied with a quiet laugh, giving the little girl a light hug in return. He held her until he felt her grip loosen, and she let go so that he could stand back up.

 

The jōnin’s sight flicked to Iruka, who had turned to watch them the moment Nami ran off, catching the dark brown gaze with his own. Kakashi felt his heart skip a beat and his chest swell, but he didn’t have much time to think about it before Nami took hold of his hand, bouncing over to her teacher with the jōnin in tow. 

 

“You made it,” Iruka smiled shyly as he stood up to welcome Kakashi, his hair tied back in a low ponytail.

 

“Did you have doubts?” Kakashi asked playfully, voice rumbling slightly with a laugh and his eye squinting with a grin hidden behind his mask, his hands returning to his pockets.

 

Nami popped up in front of Iruka, holding up her wrist.

 

“Sensei...! Look at the flowers Mr. Kakashi gave me!” The girl gave her hand a little shake, careful not to hurt the flowers. “Aren’t they pretty?”

 

\--

 

"They're  _ very  _ pretty, precious." Iruka smiled softly, gently holding her wrist as she showed it off. "Did you thank him?" 

Nami nodded furiously, before trotting a bit in place out of pure excitement. She turned back to the jonin, smiling brightly and pointing at his bowtie. 

"You look like you're gonna get married, Mr. Kakashi!" 

Iruka chuckled awkwardly for him, giving Nami's shoulder's a quick squeeze.

"Shh, honey." His awkwardness turned genuine as he began to churr airly, "We all know the day Kakashi-sensei settles down, is the day Naruto will become Hokage." 

_ YOU SAID IT BIT **CHHH** _

The girl only  _ harrumphed _ before prancing off into the crowd to find her friends, eager to show off her new floral adornment. 

**[[i dont care | bieber/sheeran]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCSGelSCPGE) **

 

That left the men alone at the table together. 

And even then, Iruka shyly motioned for him to come towards a corner of the room, still nervous about being overheard, even with the upbeat music that permeated every inch of the venue. 

In the dim light, the chuunin finally could get a good look at the jonin. 

Now he could let his heart take the reins, racing like a colt in a competition it could never win, and lose his voice. 

When you get used to seeing the same person every day in the same uniform, every day in passing, every day in polite greetings and nothing more than stiff waves and weak smiles…

Being the kind to keep moments more than that stored deep in the treasure of your chest, counting every single touch on your fingers before you go to bed at night, recalling every subtle sigh and sweet laugh he'd make as you found a rare second to tell him about your classes...face pressed to the pillow to try and quell the burning in your cheeks all because he commended you on all your hard work, the sensation of his hand squeezing your shoulder a phantom ache you could never recover from. 

Seeing him here now, knowing they had watched each other grow up, and not once had they lost faith in one another's willingness to come through…his eyes pricked with the threat of tears against his will.

Silver hair was just a tad bit tamed, which brought a silly, but fleeting smile to Iruka's face as he took in the sight before him. His gray eyes were warm and inviting, despite him looking out of sorts in this situation. And of course, the mask never left. 

The younger shinobi found himself lightheaded as his gaze lowered to how well Kakashi filled out the striking suit, not a speck of lint on the damn thing. The sharp coal black complimented his pale skin in all the right ways, as if he were a perfect monochrome painting. All the way down to...his white gloves.

Iruka felt a shiver run up him, rubbing his nose bashfully to distract a blush from ruining it all. He couldn't wait to feel those curled around his hips, to feel them brush against his hands, to feel the material thread through his fingers…

Past that, he didn't dare to linger on out of the fear of indecency.

Kakashi frowned slightly, expectantly. 

"Everything alright? I'm not wearing my shirt backwards, am I?" He joked, hoping to ease the tension. 

Iruka smiled instinctively, forcing himself to calm down. He shook his head, lips parted though no voice came out. 

He swallowed, a thrushed hum caught in his throat. 

Why couldnt...why couldn't he speak up?!

The chuunin stared helplessly at the jonin. 

The atmosphere was growing suffocating, the bass throbbing in his ears, the laughter and chatter creeping up his shirt and sleeves, clutching his lungs with sharp fingers, the sounds constricting him in a silent panic. 

Kakashi immediately noticed the sudden change, and reached out, hand tenderly slipping down Iruka's arm to cradle his palm in his own. 

"Hey. You'll be okay. I won't leave you." The world around him faded to shadows and muffled noise, the only clear thing Iruka in front of him. 

The younger shinobi saw the same mirrored before him, the simple touch like the clarity of a chime, the sight of a skipping stone breaking the surface. 

"...You...look…" He mumbled, eyes staring straight ahead, "...Marvelous." 

Kakashi suddenly let out a husky laugh, hand retreating to his mouth to cover the ungainly sound. 

"S-sorry." He snorted. "You flatter me, but I should be saying the same about you. I forget how well you clean up in formal attire." 

Iruka turned his head in a pout, freckles already starting to heat up. 

"Oh, hush up." He huffed, before sighing. 

They let their nerves settle, before Iruka took a deep breath, holding it in as he gave Kakashi's hand a determined look. He took the leap and grabbed it without warning, the childish pout returning to his face as he tugged on it, head tilted to the floor. 

"Let me... at least teach you the basics." He cleared the squeak from his throat, scared for his life Kakashi would pull away. 

But he didn't. 

The jonin simply smiled, and shrugged. 

"Better you try than watch me crash and burn." He teased, letting himself be lead towards the main floor, taking position beside Iruka at the edge, away from the main crowd. 

 

**[[just right | got7]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5iDHYTL2CQ) **

Iruka gathered his confidence in the form of feeling the flowing beat course through his veins, from his tapping feet to his slightly nodding head. 

"It's not hard. The only reason it can be difficult is losing tempo and balance with the other person." He began, holding Kakashi's hands in his at arms length. "Just watch my feet and hips, alright?" He let out a soft laugh. "You'll feel like a kid all over again, because it's pure imitation." 

A pause.

"And no cheating! Don't use your stupid eye to copy it all." He reprimanded, making Kakashi laugh. "You should always make the effort to learn, mistakes only make the lesson worth it." 

"I feel like I'm already in your class, Sensei." Kakashi grinned slyly, brow raised.

"Don't." Iruka bristled embarrassedly. "Just watch, and follow best you can." 

The chuunin kept up a hushed instruction as he moved in half time to the music, then normally once Kakashi's movements mirrored his. 

"It's easier when we're apart like this." Iruka begged his mind to stop making allegories to dancing and their relationship, but it was no use. It was simply how a hopeless romantic like himself thought. "But when we come closer, like so…" He pulled the man by the hands towards him, his fingers sliding up his sleeves to cup his sides, the sudden warmth shared between them almost throwing him off balance. "It gets harder." 

The chuunin looked up at his friend, dark brow furrowed ever so slightly, lips still drawn up in a shiba-esque pout. 

"Now you can't see my feet or hips. Now you have to  _ feel  _ the movement instead of watching." 

Kakashi wanted  _ so badly  _ to take Iruka seriously, seeing as the look on his face was nothing but. 

Except his friend looked downright adorable with such a determined expression. The feel of their bodies pressed together was just...an extra bonus. 

"Stop giving me that look." Iruka growled under his breath. "If you keep it up, I'll dig my heel into your foot so hard you'll have to get  _ Tsunade _ to fix it." 

Kakashi gave him a weak smile in exchange. 

"Focus on how my weight shifts with yours, alright? If you lag or step too soon, we can both lose balance." Iruka's sunny expression returned as he hummed and mumbled to lyrics between instructions. "You're a quick learner, but you don't...have any…" He bit his bottom lip thoughtfully, " _ expression _ . You need to be able to get  _ into  _ it. Let your hips and shoulders talk, they hold the most balance when moving." 

Iruka pulled away briefly to demonstrate, a coy smile in his bright brown eyes as he watched Kakashi's face, his hips swaying hypnotically to the flow of the music, feet effortlessly tracing the pair in circles. His smile grew into a grin as he sang the lyrics a little louder now, obviously in his element. 

Kakashi felt his heart skip a beat, feet fumbling for a second before righting themselves, all at the sound of how sweet Iruka's singing voice was.

_ Fuck.  _ He hadn't anticipated this. At all.

"If there's no passion in the dance, then the whole thing will fall apart." His friend brought him flush to his body again, his hands firmly planted on Kakashi's hips. " _ Use  _ these. They work. I  _ know  _ they do." He smirked impishly. "Your stomach shouldn't feel stiff either. All it does is connect your shoulders to your hips. Keep it loose." 

The jonin tried, but trying to focus on anything but his feet was proving difficult. Especially when the song faded into another. 

 

**[[go fuck yourself. its happening. just click it]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJQP7kiw5Fk) **

Iruka instantly perked up. 

"Hey! I was actually trying to teach this one to Tsubaki." He was all smiles and sunshine, his feet moving him before the rest followed. "This is why I love the art so much. You really get the chance to use your body as something more than...well, something to just walk around in."

Kakashi just stood spellbound as Iruka's hands slipped from his, and his grin faded into something more...suave? It was startling to see such smooth confidence in the young man, but it was just as easy to see he loved every second of it. 

**ALEXA PLAY _D E S P A C I T O_**

The way his body moved, the way his lips did too, effortlessly to the unfamiliar language that played out over the speakers….

The way Iruka's dark eyes never left his, as if he were singing, dancing...specifically for him.  _ To  _ him. 

There was something... _ breathless _ to it. The way he sang, how the words were forced from his chest as his body undulated…from the core all the way to his fingers. 

Kakashi was, for a lack of a better word,  _ entranced _ . 

_ Especially  _ with how Iruka's hips swayed from side. So much for the  _ stomach  _ being loose. The way his  _ ass... _ just…

The jonin winced hard, head tilting as he forced himself to be civil about it. 

Iruka wasn't making it easy. Did he  _ know  _ Kakashi had only seen men  _ move  _ like that in  _ nightclubs?  _

But the spoken part threw him for a loop, as the chuunin was able to enunciate every syllable with ease, moves a bit sharper, more aggressive, his hands speaking just as much as he was, laughing as he hit his palm twice over his heart for emphasis, and with the echo he tapped Kakashi's chest. 

"Follow me." He breathed hotly, lips parted, eyes trained on the jonin's before trailing down to his waist, hands quickly finding their place on his hips, bringing them to his own, subtly grinding up on him. " _ Dance with me." _

Kakashi didn't even try. He simply let his body be the canvas Iruka painted upon, every nerve alight as the younger shinobi made love to him with his eyes alone, his sly smile alone, just the fleeting friction of his body against his was enough to make the jonin faint. 

The song soon finished, the chorus falling apart into a round, with only the drums holding it loosely together.  

Iruka's movements grew loose and playful as well, and he pulled away, urging Kakashi to sing the last remnants of the chorus with him, grinning as the older shinobi did his best, a smile forming as he did so. 

"See?" Iruka hummed, face returning to the usual summer sunshine, the sultry summer nights all but forgotten. "Everyone around the world has a way they speak through dancing. It's a shame these parts don't do it as often." 

Kakashi didn't realize he was holding his breath until he felt lightheaded. 

"You okay? Was that a bit mu-hu-hahahah..ch..!" Iruka's whole frame seemed to crumple into laughter, bowed over, laughing away the earlier tension. It was...similar to how he behaved when Kakashi had helped him up from their spar a few days back, and he'd been so shaken...but he seemed embarrassed for himself this time. 

"I'm so sorry, sometimes I...I get a little carried away." He admitted bashfully. 

Before Kakashi could tell him he could get "carried away" anytime he wanted so long as there was ample warning, Nami returned. 

"Sensei! I'm hungry, I wanna eat and then dance with you!" 


	17. The Good Part [the one youve been waiting for]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the plot chickens  
> we bout to get some confession up in this bitc

“Care to join us?” Iruka leaned down a little to catch Kakashi’s eye when the jōnin took a seat at their table.

 

Kakashi jolted, quickly giving a shake of his head.

 

“No, thanks…” he declined, needing a moment alone to clear his mind.

 

“Sensei..!” Nami gave a little stomp of her foot from behind Iruka, and the man straightened, looking down at her.

 

"Okay, okay, let's go see what we've got to choose from," he laughed airily, letting the girl take his hand and lead him towards the buffet tables on the other side of the room.

 

Kakashi slumped in his seat, very much in need of a drink. Unfortunately HE WAS SHIT OUT OF LUCK

 

Unable to do much more than sit down and internally kick himself, Kakashi occupied his mind by glancing around, watching daughters sway and twirl about with their fathers, parents mingling on the sides while the music filled what little silence there was between the numerous conversations going on at once.

 

This was far from the time or place to be thinking about such things. He stopped that train of thought long before it had the chance to depart. 

 

In his defense, Iruka did  _ not _ help.

 

Just what the hell had gotten into him? That SHOW was the last thing Kakashi had expected. He wasn't complaining, definitely not, but he hadn't thought Iruka had that in him. Then again, there  _ was _ the night prior. He should have learned then - Iruka was just full of surprises. Suffice to say, Kakashi was too shocked to have felt anything else, and he thanked the higher powers for that.

 

He really, truly just wanted to enjoy the evening as best he could. Of course, he wasn’t a father. Hadn’t come close to even accidentally becoming one, and he more than likely never would. He probably wouldn’t make a good father anyway. Still, he wanted to enjoy this, almost as a father would, if that was at all possible.

 

The jōnin watched as Iruka and Nami got their food, the chūnin holding the girl’s plate while she picked out what she wanted and placed it on her plate. They smiled and laughed, and Iruka looked at the little girl like she was the light of his life, and if it hadn’t been for how drastically different they looked (THEN AGAIN. THIS IS FUCKING NARUTO), they could have easily been mistaken for father and daughter.

 

Kakashi thought back to the night prior, back to Iruka’s words.

 

Did he want to settle down? Have someone to come home to, happy to see him, and him them? Maybe even a family?

 

He wasn’t sure. He had always dedicated his life to his work, ever since he was old enough to begin his training as a shinobi. The man couldn’t remember a time where his focus wasn’t to give his mind and body, his abilities to protect the village. His sole purpose being nothing more than a tool, a pawn sent ahead of everyone else, prepared to sacrifice himself. No matter what he did, he would return, ready to serve as he always would, without fail. WE GET IT EDGELORD YOURE LOYAL 

 

So, did he really have room for anything more? After all this time, he hadn’t considered it. Now was a better time than any. And he certainly wasn’t getting any younger.

 

But…

 

He didn’t want to find a girl to marry. Never in a thousand years. That much was true, if all the times he’d have a woman giving him all the signs in the world, only for him to shrug her off was much to go by. Kakashi knew many women, all of which were strong and formidable, yet kind in their own, many ways...but he wouldn’t be happy. He’d known this for quite some time. 

 

What good would he be to a woman if he couldn’t be happy with her? It just wouldn’t be fair, and he wasn’t cruel.

 

Then again, would anyone he happy with him anyway? He found that unlikely.

 

He was too detached, too much a drifter, and not in tune with his own heart.

 

His thoughts were interrupted as Iruka and Nami returned, the little girl carrying her plate with both hands and ogling at the food with big eyes.

 

“Watch where you’re going, sweetie,” Iruka chuckled, a hand on her shoulder to slow her down.

 

The two joined Kakashi at their table, Nami’s plate sporting much more morsels than Iruka’s. 

 

Nami didn’t hesitate, and Iruka slowly picked at his food, more invested in helping the girl and speaking to Kakashi, who let himself get lost in thought again as he stared at his friend.

 

He thought about his home, and what it would be like for someone to greet him every time he stepped through the front door. There was no one since his father had passed.

 

It would be nice, to be able to call someone his home.

 

Home.

 

Not Konoha. Not his lonely house.

 

But someone. Someone that smiled every time they saw him return from a mission. Someone that would embrace him and chase all the shadows away with just their touch, easing his heavy heart with a light unrivaled by even the sun. Someone that would stick with him, through thick and thin, but wasn't afraid to stand up to him when he'd make foolish choices - because he made a lot of them. Someone that he just could not live without.

 

Kakashi blinked, meeting Iruka's gaze with a lazy look in his gray eye. The chūnin quirked his head slightly, curious, a small frown on his face, but quickly replaced it with that smile of his. Shy, yet bright, and oh so warm, the same smile he gave him back when they were kids, and he'd meet Kakashi at the village gate to welcome him back from a mission.

 

Home.

 

Back then, when he would return to the village after days on a mission, it was never the sight of the village that filled him with relief to be back, that relaxed his tense shoulders, his ANBU uniform splotched with blood as he trudged through the forest just outside the gate. It was never stepping through the threshold of his father’s house that brought him any comfort.

 

It was always Iruka's smile.

 

Always his vibrant voice and gentle touch welcoming him home. But, until now, Kakashi hadn’t realized just where his home truly lay.

 

Across from him, Iruka laughed as Nami plucked a bit of cantaloupe from his plate, stealing another glance at Kakashi as he giggled. The younger felt a blush heat up his cheeks when the jōnin smiled back and his own grin faltered into a bashful smile, gaze flicking away and then back at him.

 

Kakashi’s chest tightened at the sight. 

 

He needed that smile in his life, always. Needed those kind, dark eyes to stare into his in the morning, needed his slumbering face to be what he woke up to, soft hair framing his features. Needed the taste of him on his lips to start off his day, warm breath tickling his neck as he held him closely, drinking in the scent of his hair.

 

He wanted this, had wanted it for so long but was too caught up in his own pathetic life to realize it. Maybe this was what he had needed all those years ago, what his heart had been painfully longing for, desperately trying to reach, only for him to tug it back. He had once let his heart take reign in the heat of the moment, his lips speaking everything he was unable to say to Iruka, but he knew the chūnin did not remember it. The silver-haired shinobi had locked it away, anyway.

 

But now...

 

Kakashi felt the world blur around Iruka as he felt his heart reach out, uninhibited after years of running away and keeping it at bay.

 

He wasn’t going to hold his heart back any longer.

 

\--

 

“Want some more fruit?” Iruka lightly ruffled Nami’s hair as she finished eating a grape, having made light conversation with Kakashi while the girl chowed down.

 

“No, I wanna dance!” she pipped, giving her empty plate a little push to clarify that she was finished.

 

“Well, what are we waiting for?” her sensei laughed, stacking their empty plates as he got to his feet. “Come on, let’s boogie!”

 

“Yeah!"

 

Kakashi watched the two head to the dance floor, upbeat songs playing while they danced. He found himself fixating on Iruka as he smiled, even though his beaming face wasn't directed at him.

 

Nami and Iruka spent a good while dancing and enjoying themselves as they both giggled and swayed about. 

 

After a number of songs, Kakashi had scoped around the room, but when he had turned to find the other two again, they were gone. 

 

“Mr. Kakashi, Mr. Kakashi! Dance with me!” Nami suddenly popped up in front of him, making the man jump a little, her hands tugging at the cuff of his sleeve, not giving him much choice but to get up from his seat.

 

“Oh, ah, I’m not--” he started, slightly bent over as if Nami was pulling him down.

 

Iruka hid a laugh behind a hand, half-smiling, joining them once more as he came up from behind Nami to take a seat at their table.

 

“Would you mind? I need a little break,” the chūnin fibbed, amused at Kakashi’s lost expression, looking to him for help. “Go on, it’ll be fun.”

 

“C’mon, c’mon!” Nami began tugging the man towards the dance floor with her. He didn't have much choice but to follow.

 

“You hafta dance good, okay?” The little girl craned her neck to give him a stern look, bottom lip sticking out slightly as she frowned, giving him her best pout. 

 

“I’ll try,” Kakashi chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck, feeling pressured to please the little girl. She was quite insistent. 

 

A new song started up shortly after Nami danced a little to the one prior, watching Kakashi peer over at Iruka through the throng of people dancing around them. A small tug on his hand got his attention back on her, and she smiled brightly, an older sounding song beginning with playful plucks of a guitar. She moved about in time with the man’s voice, children joining in every now and then to compliment the lead singer.

 

Kakashi couldn’t help but smile down at her cheery expression.

 

This wasn’t so bad - he hardly had to move, Nami was doing all the work herself. All he had to do was move his arms, prompting her to spin around every now and then, stepping about slowly as she circled around him. Apparently that was enough, as she giggled and bounced about, twisting her hips so that her dress splayed out. Dancing was much more simple when it came to children.

 

The song was short lived, and a more quiet song took its place. Nami held onto both of Kakashi's hands as she moved in pace with the music that played. Even still, she got bored without talking, and looked up at him, tilting her head, vibrant red strands of her hair brushing her cheek.

 

“How come you cover your face?” she asked, blunt with curiosity, wondering what it felt like to wear a mask like that all the time.

 

Kakashi smiled, eye squinting.

 

“Can you keep a secret?” he whispered loudly as he held a finger up to his covered lips, playing it up to entertain the girl. It wasn’t that much of a secret, but she was none the wiser.

 

Nami nodded eagerly, standing on her tiptoes.

 

“I can smell almost as well as a dog can." 

 

“Really?” Nami's mouth gaped. She knew there was a clan of shinobi that were very dog-like in the village - one of her classmates was part of the family, and she had a dog that played with her all the time! But Mr. Kakashi didn't have the red markings on his face like they did, so she didn't think he was part of that clan.

 

“Really. So this mask helps a little to block out all the different smells."

 

“Does it hurt?”

 

“Not anymore. I’ve gotten used to it. It was much worse when I was very little," Kakashi explained with a small shake of his head.

 

Nami scrunched her face up in thought. It must have been such an Uzumaki thing to do, as Naruto did the exact same thing.

 

“Then how come you still wear it?”

 

"I guess it just doesn't feel right without it." 

 

Nami wasn't sure what to ask after that, so she focused on dancing again. Kakashi simply let her use his hands to spin about, but after a little while, she noticed he wasn't moving his arms around very much, and so she looked up to see what had distracted him. 

 

Again, Nami caught the man looking towards Iruka-sensei, trying to be inconspicuous, but she could tell. She'd seen her parents looking at each other the same way whenever they were able to be home with her.

 

The girl tugged at the flap of his coat, and he brought his dark gray gaze back to her, raising his brows as she stared at him expectantly.

 

"Are you gonna marry Sensei?"

 

Kakashi stiffened, eye going wide, the question taking him completely off guard. He quickly looked around before turning back to Nami, who stared up at him with an earnest expression. The man crouched down to be at her level, voice dropping to a hushed tone.

 

"I..I don't think he'd want to marry someone like me," the jōnin replied with a dismissive chuckle, glancing to the side. Even if he was finally understanding what he felt for his friend, it didn't mean anything would ever come of it. 

 

Nami wasn't satisfied with that answer.

 

"But don't you wanna marry him?"

 

Kakashi felt his cheeks heat up, more so embarrassed at the fact that this little girl seemed to have him figured out before he did himself.

 

"I-I'm still figuring that out. Maybe--" the shinobi tried to explain, regretting saying anything in the first place a moment too late, but Nami was quick to interrupt him.

 

"Then you gotta! That's what grown ups do when they care about each other a whole lot." Nami gestured with her hands just how much she thought a "whole lot" was.

 

The shinobi reached out to take one of her hands in his, staring at the flowers that adorned her wrist, giving it a brief squeeze before letting go. He wished he still had the naiveté of a child, wished this little girl did not lose it to the cruelty of their world.

 

"Sometimes, when you...care about someone, you put aside your own feelings, for their sake." Kakashi just gave a sad smile, voice soft, almost cracking as he realized exactly what he had done all these years. "And if you do it long enough, you forget about those feelings completely. Even if you don't mean to."

 

But he did, didn't he? He had pushed others away time after time, everyone so dear to him, thinking it would protect them. Even when it pained him greatly to do so, but it was better that than losing them. He had already lost so many loved ones, had been the one to kill his own friend, had been unable to protect her nor Obito, unable to be there for his sensei and his wife when they needed him most. Back then, he believed that the less someone had to do with him, the safer they would be. He was just bad luck, no matter how hard he had tried.

 

Nami scrunched up her nose again.

 

He didn't expect her to understand, and he felt pretty foolish for saying such things to a little girl, but she was bright for her age, and far more insightful than one would initially think. She'd know what he meant someday, but he hoped it would not deter her from loving dear ones to her fullest.

 

"That's dumb." The girl gave him a look, pouting.

 

Grown ups were so weird. They always made things more complicated than they needed to be.

 

Mr. Kakashi was  _ especially _ weird. But she liked him. He was funny.

 

The jōnin snorted lightly.

 

"Yeah, it is, isn't it?" he admitted. "But, that's enough on that. Your sensei is a wonderful man, I'm glad to have him as a friend. You are too, right?" The shinobi would have winked, but it was a little hard to when his left eye was already being kept closed. 

 

"He's the best!" Nami bounced happily, quickly forgetting the subject, always the first to declare how much she loved her sensei. He was the nicest man she knew.

 

"Good." Kakashi let out a laugh, standing back up to take her hand in his. "Let's go back. Maybe some of your friends would like to play with you."

 

\---

 

"Yeah! I'll go find Yuki and see if she brought her puppy! Maybe she knows about your mama!" Nami's face split into a totoro-esque grin, doing a little trot in place. "But…" it vanished just as soon as it appeared, and Kakashi's eye widened as a  _ strumpf _ -finger was held up to his face. It scolded him, wagging before he could even open his mouth. 

"You gotta tell Sensei you like him." Nami's expression grew very serious, nose wiggling like a rabbit. 

The jonin blinked. Was...she about to cry? Oh...oh  _ shit. _ What had he done? 

"He's really smart when you ask him questions, but he's also dumb cuz he thought Miss Anko liked boys like you do." Her tiny arms folded. "If you don't tell him, and he likes you back, well...what if winds up marrying someone else?" 

That Uzamaki glare of determination hit him hard, she looked so damn much like Kushina.

Kakashi's blood ran cold. 

_ Tsubaki.  _ Something told me Nami was probably aware of her Sensei's relationship with the woman. Not only that, but...that would  _ really  _ explain why Iruka had gotten so panicky when the girl spoke up earlier that day about what Iruka had told her concerning…

Kakashi looked down at his gloved hands, scars hidden under white fabric. 

_ These?  _

If Iruka had told Nami how he felt about Tsubaki, but also about  _ him _ , it would make sense he'd want to keep the latter to himself. He could easily be public about he and Tsubaki, especially with all the pair had been through concerning Mizuki...but…

There was a jolt in Kakashi's chest, like a tiny electrode pressed to his heart. 

_ Fuck.  _

Nami was still holding his coattail and looking up at him as his eyes burned. He swallowed thickly, his whole body feeling numb.

Iruka...had done exactly what he had. 

His thoughts came in short, broken fragments.

He'd held back his emotions, held back his  _ heart _ to protect Kakashi. He  _ knew  _ two men together...especially how he viewed the ranks just like Tenzo did…

Even if the jonin couldn't give a shit less about his reputation,  _ Iruka  _ did.  _ For  _ him. Even after all these years…

"Mr. Kakashi?" Nami tugged on his coat, a concerned look on her small face. 

"...You're a very clever girl, Nami." Kakashi smiled weakly.  _ Don't cry. Don't fucking cry. Of all places, after all these years…  _ Now he understood. Everything.

_ "I want you to come at me like a child." _

He understood why Iruka loved children so much. Because they weren't tainted by the stupid expectations of society. No  _ wonder  _ why Iruka had clung so desperately to his own childhood. It was the only pure truth he had left.

  
  


"Sensei says so too!" Nami said proudly, before frowning. "But he always looks so sad when he says it." She stared off at Iruka, who was talking to Ibiki-sensei, the man taking his niece to the dance. 

_ Fuck.  _ Kakashi closed his eyes. He had to keep it together. Had to. But…

Had Iruka...really grown up to be just like him? He'd never fucking forgive himself if that was true. But what had happened to the young man he remembered yelling at him, scolding him, grabbing at his jacket and crying his eyes out, because he'd run out of things to say?

What if he had stayed? That one night Iruka had begged him for? Would it have been just like last night? 

No. They would have spoken more. Would have spilled their guts. Last night still erred on polite. There was only hesitation in the tenderness, though they both were dying for it. 

His blind stare's vision returned as Iruka waved goodbye to Ibiki, and his brown eyes caught gray. The chuunin tilted his head, brow furrowed ever so slightly, but the smile never leaving. 

_ "Everything okay?" _ He could hear his voice already in his head.  _ "Nami tire you out? She does that, y'know--"  _ He'd try to ramble on, but Kakashi saw himself reach out, grab those hands he'd let slip through his fingers for over a decade...pull him close, noses brushing before he found where his home really was, where his lips should rest, who's heartbeat should be pressed to his own… 

But of course...it didn't happen. 

Kakashi was brought to his senses as Nami grabbed his gloved hand, tugging it a little painfully, impatient. 

"Mr. Kakashi!" She stomped once. 

The jonin shook his head and took a sudden deep breath, clearing his mind. 

Keep it together. 

At the very least...he'd...say something tonight to Iruka. For  _ his  _ sake. Iruka deserved to have his feelings heard, and if...Kakashi was found to be in conflict with Tsubaki...he'd grin and bear it. So long as Iruka didn't have to keep holding back like he had for all those years. 

Somehow, he found himself at the table, staring dumbly at Iruka, Nami having scurried off to find Yuki. 

"Hey…" The chuunin chuckled, motioning Kakashi over to a corner of the dancefloor, rose dust warming his freckles. "Thanks for dancing with her. I think she's really fond of you." 

The jonin was still speechless. He just couldn't focus. It was becoming too much. 

"It means the world to me, that you'd even do this. I know it's not your forte--"

The burning in his eyes turned to stinging.

Hold it together. Hold it to-fucking-gether.

"So I...I wanted to give you something." Iruka pulled out a small notebook from his jacket pocket. "Something that reminds me when we were young and dumb, y'know?"

Kakashi was barely aware of the room around them, the entire world fading into shadows and muffled noises. All except Iruka's tanned hands holding out this tiny book. 

"I meant to get you a corsage, but we were already about to be late, and I was pretty sure they wouldn't have…' The young man opened the book, and took out a single, tiny sunflower. "Sunflowers."

Kakashi, who had survived  _ Itachi Uchiha's  _ Tsukuyomi, had never felt a pain like this, as memories flew at him like a swarm of paper birds leaving tiny cuts all over his heart. 

"I went to visit my grandparents' farm last summer, when I got the news they'd passed away. I thought of you, so I pressed this sunflower to give to you, but forgot…" 

The second Iruka turned smiling eyes up at Kakashi, beaming like the night would never come…

The Jonin was transported back to those days. The days he'd find sunflowers, if not a tiny Irukka behind them, holding the giant blooms in little, dirty hands.   
On his doorstep. Every day after his dad died.   
Iruka had brought him sunflowers to make him smile. 

\--

_ A few carefully placed knocks rapping rather lightly on his front door distracted young Kakashi from his daily chores, obviously caused by a tiny hand, signifying the arrival of an uninvited but expected visitor. Kakashi was accustomed to it by now, seeing as it had been going on for at least a week now. The young boy went through the motions, taking a break in cleaning the house to go and answer the door. He took off his rubber gloves and tossed them into the kitchen sink, padding over to the front door to turn the knob, not bothering to ask who it was. _

 

_ Sure enough, he opened the door to find a bunch of smiling "faces" in the shape of a half dozen sunflowers, freshly picked from a nearby field that he had frequented from time to time with a friend. _

 

_ "Kakashi!" the beaming face of little Iruka peered out from behind the flowers, just getting the hang of pronouncing Kakashi's name correctly in most recent months. He looked up at his friend with big, brown eyes, holding the flowers out to him graciously. His stubby fingers were slightly grimy, with dirt caked underneath his fingernails. _

 

_ Iruka was known to have a contagious smile, but Kakashi couldn’t bring himself to even lift a corner of his mouth.  _

 

_ It wasn’t as if he didn’t appreciate the flowers, or Iruka’s insistent visits. Sometimes, Iruka’s father visited with him, offering whatever comfort he could to his old friend’s son. Kakashi was always glad to see Iruka. It was just hard to show it when all he could think about was his own father.  _

 

_ Iruka squinted his eyes and puffed his cheeks slightly as he watched Kakashi carefully, trying to decipher whether or not he was smiling. Sometimes, it was hard to tell what the boy was thinking and feeling when he had a mask that covered up his mouth. It made it difficult to know if he was happy or not. _

 

_ "Thank you," Kakashi mumbled as he accepted the gift, taking the bundle of flowers into his arms. The older boy took a moment to stare at the flowers before glancing at Iruka once more, and then, without another word, turned and went back inside. _

 

_ The door was left open, and so Iruka followed, stumbling only once in his eagerness. He hadn’t been in the house since before Sakumo left, and he glanced around as he trailed after Kakashi, noticing how much more dark it was inside than it used to be. He wasn’t sure why that was, but he decided not to question it, especially with how quiet his friend was. Something told him it was best not to ask. _

 

_ Kakashi headed towards a larger room just ahead of the entrance to the house, and Iruka instantly recognized it as the kitchen, even with how dim it was. But, as he neared, the little boy elated at the burst of color on top of the table that sat in the middle of the kitchen, eyes wide and practically sparkling when he realized that the color was from all of the flowers he had previously brought to his friend. _

 

_ "It's like the sunflower field!" The boy admired the numerous pots decorating the otherwise barren kitchen table, going over to clamber onto one of the chairs to get a better look. "But it's real dark in here. Mommy says the sun helps the sunflowers grow big and strong. They’ll get sad if they can’t see the sun.” He regarded the flowers with a forlorn expression, worried that the golden petals would soon wilt away. It all showed in his big, dark eyes and saddened pout. _

 

_ Kakashi blinked at that. He knew these flowers weren’t going to grow anymore, but they could certainly shrivel up and fade away if they weren’t provided with sunlight. The boy looked to Iruka, studying his chubby features. _

 

_ He often compared the younger boy’s bright smile to the sunflowers he often had with him nowadays. If he wasn’t careful, the flowers would soon reflect his currently somber face, and it was then he realized how much he didn’t like seeing such a look taking over Iruka’s typically cheerful demeanor. _

 

_ With no more than a hum in response, Kakashi went over to place the new bundle in one of the vases that had room to spare.  _

 

_ His father would have loved the cheery flowers, would have wanted to keep them going for as long as possible. The man always had a fondness for plantlife, and even kept a few potted plants in the house. Now that he was gone, Kakashi tasked himself with watering them as often as his father once did, having helped him to nourish the plants with a watering pail. He had always been happy to help, remembering his father smiling at his willingness to help upkeep the greenery. _

 

_ It was different without Sakumo. _

 

_ Kakashi took up the responsibility to keep the plants alive, for his father’s sake. But it wasn’t the same. He no longer felt accomplished without his father to exchange a grin with, no longer felt proud of himself over something so simple without a large, familiar hand ruffling his hair to get an indignant protest out of him, and an even more familiar voice laughing along with him. _

 

_ His father would want him to take care of the picked flowers as well as he did the plants he left behind along with him. The mere thought of his father often left a bitter taste in his mouth and a dull pain in his heart nowadays, but Kakashi still did not want to let him down. He wasn't going to be like his father; he was going to be better. _

 

_ Even more so, he didn’t want to let his friend down by letting his gifts wilt, looking away from the flowers to catch Iruka’s gaze. Kakashi would make sure he wouldn’t lose that smile, even when he himself wanted to shut out the world. _

 

_ “Once Mr. Dad gets back, you have to show him the flowers, okay? So you gotta help them!” Iruka splayed his small hands on the table’s surface as he fixed Kakashi with a resolute stare. He wasn’t going to stop bringing flowers for Kakashi until he saw the boy truly smile, if not before his father returned. _

 

_ Allowing himself the smallest of smiles at the younger boy’s determination, Kakashi nodded, knowing it would be useless to try to get Iruka to understand that Sakumo wasn't going to come back, stepping over to the window and opening the blinds. Light poured in immediately, gradually warming the room with the sun’s golden glow. _

 

_ As if they coincided, Iruka’s lips spread into a pleased grin, his smile as bright as the sunlight and flowers combined, and it warmed Kakashi’s heart more than even the sun could. _

\--  


And now Iruka's summer memories were a thing of the past with his grandparents gone...but he still...clung to it.   
Like he had to Kakashi, to the  _ hope  _ Kakashi would change for the better.   
That one day he'd  _ truly _ be happy.

\--

"It's getting a bit late…" Iruka looked around as the crowd began to thin out. "But look how happy Nami is we danced with her together…" He watched as the girl yawned from her chair at the table, waving at them with a big grin before turning to Yuki and her puppy, the pair playing with its soft PEETS 

"I think she's just happy about the dog." Kakashi joked, only to get a huff out of his friend. 

"Let's take this last dance together, before they play the final slow one. I promised Nami that one." Iruka glanced at the remaining fathers and their daughters, his confidence growing with each heartbeat. 

 

**[[sad forever | lauv]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kb6VtOUQGUQ) **

The song was gentle, just as the men needed it to be. 

Brown eyes met gray. 

Iruka stepped up on the dancefloor, nothing making a sound beside the music and the tap of his dress shoes on the wood. 

Kakashi simply watched, taking in every movement, eyes tracing up from his feet to his face, back down to his hands. He understood why the man fixated so badly on them. They were all he had begun to want too.

"May I have this dance, Sensei?" Iruka bowed formally, looking up with the most beautiful eyes Kakashi had ever seen in his life. They asked for his everything, but nothing at all. He was drawn infinitely, like a thread in a needle that would sew the seams of the universe together for all eternity, a constant rhythm and pattern his feet could follow till he died. 

A slight curl tugged at Iruka's lips as he looked at Kakashi, straightening up as the man nodded, something sad in the way his eyes pined for his heart, still hidden under his coat sleeve. 

One hand was offered. 

One hand was taken. 

Kakashi stepped onto the dancefloor. 

"Don't speak. Let your body say it all." Iruka murmured, looking up into his friend's forlorn expression. "You know we both have run out of things to say." 

He watched the jonin nod solemnly. 

"Let's follow one another now. Let's finish this game once and for all." 

Iruka's hands slid into place, never more certain of where they belonged. One on Kakashi's hip, the other on his shoulder, white gloves mirroring. 

It was if he was born with only half a heart. And when those hands held him, it connected him to the other half. 

He gazed up into his childhood friend's eyes.

In this moment, he couldn't care if the world was watching, if the eyes of Amaterasu herself judged them. 

He was ready to give everything for this man. He was done playing the game. He was ready to finish what he started as a child. The promise he refused to break, the secret he promised to keep…

He closed his eyes, sighing slowly as Kakashi's hands pressed into him, fingers curling. 

_ I love you. _ They said. He was sure of it.

His hands squeezed back gently.

_ I love you, too.  _ They replied. 

The first step was the hardest. But the second was perfect. 

Iruka felt his lips move to the lyrics, but no voice came. Nothing existed, he came to know, outside of he and the man in his arms.

The floor was the sunflower fields of their childhood, the room nothing but the wild expanse of nature, no ceiling above them, simply the endless blue yonder. 

He could feel bare feet in the grass, sun on his skin, breeze through his hair. 

And even here, the universe left them alone. Gave them the space to dance forever. There was nothing unkind in the nothingness, no indifference in the emptiness. They were the sun and moon, the stars and the sky, their hands meeting along the horizon like doves over the endless ocean. 

They swayed as the wheat in summer, lost in each other's eyes, the dim glow on one another's faces the only light they needed in the night. 

No words needed exchanging, no thoughts spoken. Their bodies did as bodies do. Instinct and impulse were on their side for once. 

They followed each others lead, the circles they drew across the floor perfect and unbroken. There was ne'er a misstep, or argument in how they moved. 

Iruka's body was so tender against Kakashi, so yielding, so forgiving. It guided him sweetly, just as he begged to taste the same sweetness on those ever smiling lips. 

And Kakashi's was firm, sturdy. It held him close in strong, protective arms. This was truly the rock upon the bluffs he clung to in the storm. 

The younger's forehead found its place against the older's shoulder, before the cheek took its place, the formality gone as Iruka hugged Kakashi tight. 

In this moment, their hearts no longer beating but singing to one another the lyrics that spoke volumes in an otherwise dead world, Iruka saw his parents. 

Just shadows, just mist on the mountain, just fog on the river, just fading laughter and muffled late night talks outside the door. 

But he knew what they felt. In this moment. 

They danced to the same song, danced to the same truth that no man was without a partner on earth. Danced to the only truth. 

Life cannot be lived alone. 

Saw their smiling faces as they leaned in to kiss each other. 

He felt the tears come. Softly, they blurred his vision until the shadows faded. 

Kakashi felt them stain his shoulder. He only held Iruka tighter.

_ I love you _ . His body said again.

Iruka pulled away. 

Charcoal met slate. 

He wet his lips, just instinct.

 Endless, they moved to the lyrics.

The hands wandered, up, up, to the sacred ground of the man's chest, forbidden to his neck, retribution in the jawline, holy damnation of his thumbs slipping under the mask, pulling it down to reveal the answer to his prayers.  Iruka cared no longer for the earth he had be bound to, born to. There was a heaven waiting for him between his palms. And he was done losing his way on the winding path. 

_ I don't want to be sad any more.  _

He had to push up on his tip toes to reach, but his focus never waned on those perfect pale lips, glancing up only once for his eyes to say it louder than his voice, his heart could speak. 

Lips parted. Their breaths became one, leaning into each other like dawn into dusk. Noses brushed…

But in that last second, the flash of lightning blazing out at the final burst of sunset--

Their lips touched for the briefest of moments, before Iruka slid past, pressing his to Kakashi's cheek, before hiding his fathomless shame in the crook of the man's neck. 

The song ended in nothing but whispers of "I'm sorry…" To the jonin's ears, Iruka's arms thrown around his shoulders for support. His knees had grown too weak, and in that pivotal moment, he had lost his balance. 

And the lights flickered before turning on. 

All eyes had found the men in their heartfelt embrace. 

And Iruka's tears burned hot like the summer sun on his neck. 

He had taken too much. 

But he couldn't help but want more, no matter how much his body begged him to tear away from his friend and run like hell till his lungs gave out. 

And so he stayed. He kept his promise. 

He stayed, and his grip only tightened that much more. 

_ I dont want  _ you  _ to be sad anymore.  _ It said, and it had become the universe. A silent voice in the back of both their heads. 

And Iruka stayed. Not because of his father's words. Nor his mother's advice. 

But because he wanted to. Needed to. 

He stayed. For the both of them. 

The tears would one day go.

But he would always and forever stay. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	18. [shhhh its a secret]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this takes place a few days after the dance and before the springs. just a sneak peek for people whove made it this far
> 
> its mostly character building flashbacks of kakashi and iruka growing up, and when their paths cross throughout the ages

“Kakashi-sensei!” Iruka jogged up to the jonin, who was lounging on a bench outside of Ichiraku, the usual lax expression on his face despite the reading material his nose was currenly buried in. “Are you busy?”

 

Kakashi felt the urge to throw the book down and yell “does it LOOK like I’m busy?” But decided against it. Of COURSE he had time for Iruka-sensei. He just...didn’t want to admit it at the moment. 

 

He lifted his eyes from the book, brow raised. 

He glanced from side to side before letting out a chuckle. 

 

“Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. What did you need?” He sat up, and patted the bench beside him. 

 

“Oh, nothing really.” Iruka hummed, beaming brightly. “I just wanted to share this with you.” He reached into his satchel, pulling out two ramunes. “I got an extra one on accident from the vending machine.”

 

Kakashi tilted his head, a small smile forming behind his mask. 

 

“And you...thought of me, first?” 

 

Iruka stiffened, biting his bottom lip. 

 

“Well, uh...kinda.” He churred, looking embarrassed, before taking seat next to his friend.

 

Kakashi took the pink bottle, but didn’t open it. 

 

They sat in relative silence as Iruka sipped at the blue glass, every so often just jiggling the marble around to amuse himself. 

 

“Hey, so…” He began, holding the bottle up to catch the light, shining the sparkling refractions over Kakashi’s face. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” 

 

The jonin squinted, chuffing as he dodged the lightshow. “Shoot.”

 

Iruka finished the drink, stuffing it back into his satchel to put with the rest at home. He leaned in, bumping Kakashi’s shoulder with his, a sly grin on his face.

 

“So the other day...that jutsu I used on you…” He glanced furtively around, as it was broad daylight in the middle of town. 

 

Kakashi began to sweat.

 

“What did you see?  _ Who  _ did you see?”

 

Kakashi was very sweaty now. 

 

Iruka leaned in closer. 

 

“Was she pretty? What’s her name? Do I know her?” He prodded, inches from the man’s face.

 

Kakashi let out a pained laugh.

 

“ _ Her. _ Haha..ah...say, wh-what time is it?” He looked about frantically, before settling his gaze on his bare wrist. “Oh, look I...I have to go.”

 

“Kakashi, you dont even have a watch.” Iruka gave him an unamused glare. 

 

“Sure I do.” He replied shakily, getting up and dusting himself off. “It’s a freckle past hair. See ya, Iruka-sensei.” He set off at a swift pace in the opposite direction. 

 

The jonin nearly stumbled over Iruka, who had just as quickly used the clone jutsu to block his path. The original was behind him. 

 

“C’monnn, you can tell me, Sensei.” He smirked, tugging at the back of his flak jacket. “I’ll keep it a secret.” His grip tightened, and he pulled Kakashi back to murmur the latter in his ear.

 

He was soon holding a log in his hand instead as the jonin substituted away in a poof. The jonin was bolting down the street full speed, leaping over confused bystanders and parkourING? Off of vendors and produce stands. 

 

Iruka wasnt about to lose the man, and he took off as well, eyes locked on him as he began the chase. 

 

They swung from clotheslines, ran across railings, sandals pounding against the awnings, siding, roofs, anything was game for them. 

 

“Kakashi! Just tell me, dammit!’ He yelled, taking a ballsy jump across a chimney to a balcony, just feet away from the other shinobi. 

 

“Sorry! Can’t!” He hollered back, on all fours as he gripped a fence to vault over it. 

 

“Bastard!” Iruka signed once, three more clones appearing, feet flying as they closed in on the jonin. 

 

Kakashi managed to grab onto a telephone pole and slide down it, now back at ground level. He recognized a familiar face nearing him, dark brows knit in confusion. 

 

“Tenzo!” He gasped, narrowly avoiding outstretched arms as the man reached out to catch him, worry clouding his already serious expression. “I’m being chased! I need your help!”

 

“Chased?” Yamato rolled his eyes.  _ Sure  _ he was being pursued. By an angry cat, maybe. “It’s about time you asked for my help.” He stared forward as Kakashi gripped his shoulders, the jonin jittering from one foot to the other, glancing around in panic. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, cool, so, uh... _ fuck!”  _ He yelped as Iruka caught up, the sun blocked out above the pair by the chuunin’s shadow, before the young shinobi crashed down onto Kakashi’s back. It lasted only a second as he found himself falling painfully to the ground, log between his legs. 

 

“Tenzo, COME ON!” Kakashi hollered from a nearby telephone wire, as Yamato quirked a brow at a dazed but very irritated Iruka. 

 

“I HATE your STUPID substitution shit!” Iruka yelled up at him, squinting in the sun as he started off after him again, a little shakily this time. 

 

Every time Kakashi rounded a corner, Iruka seemed to be right there, turning it just a second after him. His lungs were starting to feel a bit of the heat, as the chuunin laid on the pressure. He was faster, but… 

 

“I chase kids ALL DAY!” Iruka called out, “Do you REALLY think you can outlast me?” 

 

**OKAY ILL DO THE REST OF THIS LATER I JUST REALLY FUCKING WANT TO WRITE THE FLASHBACK**

  
  


Iruka collided with Kakashi in the grass, bodies tumbling for a few more feet before they came to a standstill. Chests heaving, mouths open in exhausted pants, muscles straining, necks glistening with sweat….the men’s eyes locked, the older pinned beneath the younger. 

 

“Why...can’t you….tell me…” The chuunin gasped, each word burning his throat, “I don’t...even...care who...it is...anymore…” 

 

If he hadn’t devoted his life to being a teacher, a shinobi, someone who expected nothing but the unexpected, he wouldn’t have been able to deflect the sudden strike to his chest. Without taking his eyes off Kakashi, he tore the hand away from him, slamming it back down into the grass. 

 

But it caught on his headband, pulling it back.

 

The blood red eye was revealed, stark and unyielding in the glittering shade of the forest. 

 

Iruka felt a wave of nausea rush through him as he saw it, his first instinct to start clawing away at it, to push it away, bury it out of sight.

 

It was a dead man’s eye. The dead should never remain with the living. 

 

He looked down again, at his hands, smaller now, softer now, gripping wiry arms, up the broadening chest, slender neck…

 

A boy’s voice came out as he opened his mouth, all without his will.

 

“Got you!” It laughed, then stopped harshly, as he caught the devil’s gaze in that nightmarish eye. He felt himself move backwards to sit on the young man’s hips, head turning so he didn't have to see it. 

 

Was this? He was...he felt so...young?

 

“Only because I let you.” Kakashi pulled out his legs from underneath the boy, brushing himself off as he stood up, readjusting his headband. 

 

“Then c’mon! Let’s train for real.” Iruka bristled excitedly in anticipation, taking a stance that wasn’t too unlike Gai’s. 

 

“No. I’m busy.” The chuunin looked himself over to make sure he had all his tools before turning around and walking into the forest. 

 

“No you’re not!” Iruka dropped the pose to rush after him, tagging him playfully, tugging on his jacket. “You’re only working at night. It’s daytime now, so let’s do something together!” 

 

“I don’t have time.” Kakashi said coldly, dodging a jump, causing Iruka to fall right on his rear with a yelp of pain. “Go away.”

 

None of this rattled the boy, though he felt hot tears well in his eyes. 

 

“No way!” Iruka forced himself to smile, hastily rubbing away the tears before running up to face the older shinobi again, skipping backwards as he spoke. “Just skip work for today! Let’s go fishing! It’s hot, we could swim too!” He piped cheerily, pretending to air out his oversized tshirt. 

 

“I said no.” Kakashi’s voice grew taut, lifting his chin like an older dog trying to ignore a bothersome puppy. “Go annoy someone else.” 

 

Iruka pouted for a minute, before chasing after him again, determined to make the older boy smile. 

 

“Wanna hear a joke?” He scampered in front of Kakashi again, but before either boy could answer, his heel caught on a vine and he went sailing backwards, arms flailing. 

 

Kakashi swiftly caught him, face expressionless as his scarred hands gripped Iruka’s wrists. The younger stared up at him, lips parted in a shocked look, amazed at how strong he was. 

 

“Is the joke  _ you?”  _ A slight curl tugged at the chuunin’s lips, helping the other to his feet. 

 

Iruka’s face scrunched for a bit before he broke out into bubbly laughter, using the extra inertia from the pull to throw himself into Kakashi’s arms. 

 

“Am I a good one?” He giggled, face smooshed into his friend’s chest, the older boy’s cheeks briefly flushing pink at the sensation.

 

“Y-yeah.” He cleared his throat, looking away. 

 

But when Iruka pulled away, he was face to face with a big, worn down dolphin plush. He glanced around, brow furrowed. His bedroom as a teenager surrounded him, his wiry legs crossed on the mattress, the scent of the thick of summer wafting in through the open window.

 

And on the windowsill perched a young man in a cat mask, his bicep sporting a flame tattoo. 

 

Starlight streamed in around his silhouette, setting his striking silver hair aglow. Iruka found his fingers itching to feel how soft it was for himself. 

 

“I...just don’t get it.” Iruka mumbled, getting used to his new, older self. He had forgotten how spindly he was, though he’d grown muscular, it was if his body didn’t know what to do with it all. And...he was so skinny. That was an alarming change. “Why...why do you keep doing this?” 

 

The teen hiked his knees up, holding the stuffed animal up to his chest, curling around it a bit. He felt hot. Maybe it was the season, maybe it was the hormones. He didn’t want to think on it too much. 

 

“What?” The voice was muffled behind the mask, eyeholes focused on the spinning kunai on his forefinger. 

 

“You know….you can’t do this all your life, Kakashi.” Iruka grumbled, not wanting to look up from his dolphin. He knew he’d stare too long at the young man’s muscles, his trim waist--

 

“Why not?” The spinning stopped for a second, before starting up again.

 

The teen struggled for an answer, cursing himself as he stammered. 

 

“It’s...it’s dumb. You should...follow a path you're...passionate about.” He rocked a bit, rubbing his feet against each other nervously. He felt a pout coming on, but rubbed it away with the back of his hand. “And...you’re not passionate about killin’ people, I know that.”

 

Kakashi heaved a groan under his breath, shifting his leg to swap positions as he cooly leaned back against the frame.

 

“I do it to protect people.” The mask lazily turned to face him, his grip tightening on the kunai in his palm, before releasing it, letting it clatter softly to the windowsill. 

 

Iruka felt a voice reach into the back of his head, whispering. 

 

_ People like  _ you.

 

But, it was if he wasn’t supposed to know. As if it were a close kept secret. 

 

He swallowed. Hard. 

 

“Yeah, well…” He bit at his lip, hoping his squirming wasn’t too noticeable. “I still think the ANBU is stupid. It shouldn’t exist.” His voice was low, like he regretted saying it as soon as it came out. 

 

The mask snapped towards him, tilting with aggravation. 

 

“You want shinobi to fight in broad daylight while yelling out their strategies?” There was a harsh edge in Kakashi’s tone, and it cut deep into Iruka’s still tender feelings. 

 

“No!” The boy retorted defensively, hugging the dolphin tightly to him, wishing more and more with each passing second that it was his friend. If he could call him that anymore. “I just…” He held his breath.

 

“I just...want  _ you  _ to be happy.” Iruka confessed. “I want you to be able to do what you love...without having to kill people to...fulfil it.”

 

“Tch.” Kakashi scoffed, mask turning away to face the moon it reflected. 

 

The younger shinobi scrambled to his knees, dolphin plush loosely held in his arms, face scrunched darkly. 

  
  


“I’m serious!” He choked back tears, brown eyes burning. “Don’t blow me off just cuz I’m younger. I’m a chuunin now!” 

 

Kakashi rolled his eyes from underneath his mask. 

 

“Barely. I became a chuunin ten years younger than you are now.” 

 

Dolphin forgotten, Iruka’s fingers clenched. 

 

“Go ahead! Rub it in! I don’t care.” He spat back, “It’s not fair.”

 

But the bitter laugh was cut off as Iruka continued hotly. 

 

“I still think it’s wrong what you’re doing, even if it’s for the right reasons!” He swallowed thickly, fingers curling until they were numb around the sheets. “You barely have time to yourself, let alone people like me who...who...

 

“Who?” Kakashi swung his legs over the sill, curious. 

 

Iruka stiffened, a scalding blush suddenly flaring up over his freckled cheeks. His throat went dry from heat, and he licked at his lips. 

 

“....care about you.” He murmured, burying his shyness in the dolphin. Once he’d gathered enough moral.support from the plush, he looked up, fire in his eyes. “I’m sure I’m not the only one!” His voice cracked under the tension, rising with frustration. “You’re always telling me to grow up...but all you ever think about is your stupid job, and becoming the strongest ninja.”

 

Kakashi’s mask tilted slightly, interest piqued.

 

“Why...why not just let others show you how much they care about you? Why not give them the chance to...let them…” Iruka face crumpled, despite every effort to keep a stiff upper lip. “... _ love you?!”  _

 

The young man bristled at the sudden outburst. 

 

Iruka, face awash with a furious blush, grabbed his dolphin and flopped back onto the sheets, hiding underneath it. 

 

“I know…I still sound like a little kid to you...but…” He huffed. “Even teachers learn from their students. You just need to listen.”

 

Kakashi was glad his smile was hidden behind the feline mask. He didn’t want to give it away how...pleased he was that Iruka was speaking up. 

 

“You talk a lot.” He teased, feet touching the wooden floor without a sound. He leaned against the sill, arms folded. 

 

“And you don’t talk enough.” Iruka peeked out from behind the plush. He sat up, frowning. “Stop being so...uptight about your own feelings...your own  _ needs.  _ It’s just gonna bite you in the ass in the end, Kakashi!” He set the stuffed animal beside him, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, leering up at the young man from behind bushy brows. 

 

The older shinobi smile faded as quickly as it came. He took a step to turn away. 

 

“If this is going to be a one sided argument, I’m leaving.” He said flatly. 

 

Iruka was swift to get to his feet, his whole body tensing. 

 

“Stop!” He demanded, the anger from earlier melting into a strangled, confused grief. “It isn’t noble, you know!” He choked back his wavering tone, eyes stinging as he searched the emptiness of the clay mask.

 

He wanted to badly to just reach out and tear it away. 

He needed what was under it. 

Needed to feel it in his hands. 

 

Kakashi took the step forward. But his eyes were not kind behind the mask. 

 

“You may  _ think  _ it is...but you’re  _ killing _ yourself being this isolated! It’s  _ despicable _ !” Iruka cried out, the tears like hot oil on his freckled cheeks. 

 

“Why not use your skills to teach  _ others _ how to protect their friends? What...what if you…” He hiccuped, furious at his inability to keep the levy from breaking. “ _ Die _ and  _ no one _ learns anything from you? Please...please, I’m  _ begging _ you…” He inhaled sharply, lead feet dragging their way to the young man at his window. 

 

“....reconsider the ANBU being your entire life...because…” He looked away, unable to meet the cold stone gaze, his cheeks red enough from shame and feelings he’d never want to admit. “Because...people...people like  _ me  _ want to be a  _ part  _ of it!” 

 

A sob tore through his chest. 

 

“And we  _ can’t.  _ Not if you keep  _ pushing us away _ .” 

 

Iruka’s heart pounded deafeningly in his ears, but he kept walking, closing in the distance. Kakashi backed away, eyes narrowed behind the pinholes in his mask. 

 

“...Kakashi...you...we... _ no one _ ...can live alone.” His emotions swirled up in his chest like a whirlwind of butterflies, a maelstrom of nausea and nirvana as he reached out, hands shaking wildly as they touched such sacred ground as the illusive shinobi’s chest, fingers bunching the fabric of his cloak. “ _ You’ll die without friends _ .” He whispered, calling upon every force in the universe for the young man to step towards him. 

 

To destroy the trench they dug together, the chasm that threatened everything they’d ever known. 

 

But it was not to be. Lightning struck, a silent but deadly pain in the form of Kakashi’s hand, brushing Iruka’s away from him. 

 

He leapt back, feet landing flawlessly on the windowsill, cloak flowing in the wind. 

 

“Some of us sacrifice our own happiness...for the happiness of others.” He spoke softly, exposing his heart for the first time in years, though it was fleeting. 

 

“ _ Forget _ sacrifice! Be  _ selfish _ ! Be selfish for  _ me!”  _ Iruka cried, rushing to the window as the shinobi prepared to jump. 

 

But it was too late.

 

_ “Kakashi!” _ He felt his stomach catch agonizingly against the sill, arms outstretched, the faintest memory of his friend’s fingers brushing his. 

 

In a wave of vertigo he found himself still reaching out, but from the ground this time. 

 

Kakashi stood over him, much more familiar looking now. 

 

Once more, he felt his voice rise in his throat, though it still felt a bit off. He glanced down, seeing himself in the traditional chuunin garb, though he was still...thin. He must have been nearing his twenties now. 

 

"Be glad it's not the other way around." Iruka growled, refusing the hand that was offered as he picked himself up. "If I were the jonin and you the chuunin, I'd have your ass on a silver platter." 

 

He dusted himself off, back aching from the fall. 

 

"I'd laugh." Kakashi quirked an amused brow. "Because that would never happen." 

 

With a sour hum, Iruka came at the man again, the training field around them spinning as Kakashi dodged, and the chunin went tumbling forward. He was caught halfway, an unbelievable force flinging him into the air before a hard sandal made contact with his chest, stunning him. But not long enough as he saw past the pain fast enough to grab onto the ankle with everything he had. He signed hastily, sealing the leg. 

 

Iruka was fighting gravity now, but he now had a slight advantage. At least, that's what he thought. His confidence was swiftly dashed as Kakashi's other foot connected with his jaw. 

 

He fell like a stoned bird to the ground. But his anger proceeded his pain. 

 

"Children are not adults!" He barked, the impact of the fall numbing his shoulder, but it didn't stop him from rushing the jonin again. "You  _ can't  _ treat them like they are! They don't  _ understand! _ " 

 

The seal had been easily broken, and the two young men engaged in a brutal taijutsu match, exchanging hit for block. 

 

"No one understands war until they face it alone." Kakashi's half lidded eyes were the bane of Iruka's existence. He felt a livid contempt kindle in his chest, fueling every retaliation. 

 

"This is a time of  _ peace! _ " The younger's voice strained under the weight of what felt like the world on his shoulders. "There's no  _ reason _ for you to force your bullshit ideas on these  _ kids!"  _

 

But god _ damn _ did his strikes  _ hurt.  _ Iruka could tell he wasn't holding back as he was slammed up against a tree, the wind knocked out of him, kunai to his throat. 

 

But the fact...this is how he treated his students? The chuunin would rather die than let this continue. 

 

Kakashi didn't even flinch as the clone dissipated in front of him. 

 

They fought for what seemed like ages, until Iruka staggered at him one last time, nose bleeding, his body bruised and torn nearly to shreds. 

But the fire never went out in his eyes. 

 

The jonin eyed the man with a cold indifference. 

 

"Just admit defeat. You know I won't kill you." 

 

"See if I care what you do to me, Hatake." Iruka hissed around all the blood in his mouth. "I won't stop fighting you. Not until you realize what you're doing is  _ wrong _ ." His lungs burned and his strength waned, chakra nearly depleted. But still, he found it in him to pick up his feet, taking the man head on for what must have been the hundredth time. 

 

"I'd rather you  _ die _ in the ANBU like the  _ scum _ you are, than to torture  _ children _ like  _ toy soldiers!" _ He screamed, pouring every last ounce of his will into this strike. 

 

The last thing he saw was that demon eye, the crimson glare piercing through his mind, his heart, his soul. 

 

Iruka awoke with a woozy start, his body jostling rhythmically, arms and legs weak.

 

He glanced up, knowing not much had changed with his body this time, but what he saw had a tremendous effect on it, regardless. 

 

Kakashi was above him, holding him close to his chest, face set with concern against a backdrop of swirling greens that made up the vast forest he was sprinting through. 

 

"Kaka...shi…" Iruka found it so difficult to talk, as if each breath he took was a toll on his entire being. 

 

"Shh." He replied softly, brow quivering with hidden emotion. "Save your strength." 

 

The chuunin felt his cheeks warm at the sight, the obvious tenderness in the man's voice causing him to glance away shyly. 

 

His body was overcome with a numbing pain, open wounds stinging in the late summer breeze, but there was no worry in his mind, no lingering fear in his heart. Iruka simply pressed his face to his friend's chest, letting the flighty breaths and pulsing heart soothe him. 

 

In that moment, he knew he needed nothing else, but Kakashi in his life. That, through their tumultuous years, they had always been faithful to one another, time and time again. 

 

He closed his eyes, and let go of consciousness, the kaleidoscope of summer dancing across his eyelids. Iruka could die contentedly in Kakashi's arms. 

 

The warmth faded into a bitter, shuddering cold, the gentle breeze now a gale, and he felt himself holding something instead of the other way around. Rain pelted like stones against his skin, the world around him a stormy whirlwind of confusion. He looked down. A child was cradled in his now burly arms, a little boy.

 

Iruka immediately recognized him as one of his students, one that no more than four years old. He had wrapped the little one up in his flak jacket for warmth, and held him tight to his chest to protect him from the harsh elements. 

 

The chuunin squinted through the storm, unable to see more than a few feet in front of him. A steep, rocky cliffside was to his right, and what looked like a tumbling abyss was to his left. He huddled to the barren cliff, his drenched hair getting in his eyes as he looked the child over best he could. He had only a few cuts and scrapes, maybe a bruise or two, but it was mostly shock that kept him from crying out. 

 

The cliffside was too wet to climb, and he was not willing to put the child down for the world. 

 

Iruka struggled for a solution, fingers running through the little boy's soaked hair. 

 

"Iruka! Iruka, can you hear me?!" A voice rang out in the nothingness, and his heart lifted tremendously at the familiarity. 

 

"Down here!" He cried back, joy coursing through his veins as a thick, sturdy rope was tossed over the ledge to where he stood. It shook as someone rappelled down the cliffside. 

 

"It's alright." Kakashi, sopping wet and panting heavily, appeared before him, reaching out. He wasn't winded, but scared. "I'll get you out." 

 

He signed swiftly to create a clone, one who took the child securely in his arms up the rope, while the original stayed behind to make sure Iruka wasn't badly injured. 

 

"Sorry I went and broke my ankle." The chuunin laughed through hot tears in the freezing rain. "I guess I'll always be a burden to you." 

 

He couldn't tell if Kakashi was crying too, but he  didn't need to know. The firm hug followed by trembling hands on his face were all the reassurance he needed. 

 

"You'll never be a burden to me, Iruka." He whispered, barely audible over the gale. "Let me take you home." 

 

Iruka felt himself lurch upwards as he was hiked over the man's shoulder. 

 

When he opened his eyes again, however, he wasn't looking down into the tempest, but Kakashi himself. 

 

The forest floor sprawled around them peacefully, a sharp contrast to the multitude of memories and emotions the men experienced in just a matter of a few minutes.

 

Iruka saw his own tears stain Kakashi's mask. He could only stare down at him in a tender shock. 

 

"...I shouldn't...have to...tell you…" Kakashi murmured, chest heaving as he willed himself not to cry as well. He could barely bring himself to look Iruka in the eye, but he knew his friend deserved nothing less. 

 

The younger shinobi slowly pulled himself away, sitting crosslegged in the grass, no longer able to keep the warm hearted blush at bay. 

 

Kakashi did the same, though he kept glancing sideways to gauge his friend's thoughts. 

 

"...Wanna go…fishing?" Iruka spoke softly, his hand lifting from the grass, fingers searching for their soulmates. "It's a good day...for it. You can just...skip work…" He smiled, eyes lowered as he felt Kakashi's fingers curl in acceptance around his. The tears fell like stardrops in the endless ocean of the sky, lost like dew in the grass. 

 

"I would...love to." Kakashi whispered, leaning over to press his forehead to Iruka's temple, mask no more, a perfect smile gracing his pale lips. 


	19. [SHHH ITS ANOTHER EXTRA BONUS]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a flashback i have yet to find a place for. this happens like. ...before? the zabuza arc maybe??? fuck it put it whereever you want

Iruka leaned back in his chair, taking a sip of tea as he mused over the tests from earlier, the August heat getting to his head. 

 

He was about to look for a fan to cool himself down with, when Ebisu poked his head into the room. 

 

"Iruka-sensei, you've got a visitor." He raised a brow behind dark specs. 

 

The chuunin grumbled, running a hand through the loose strands of hair that had fallen from his once tight ponytail. He glanced out the open windows in the empty classroom. Even they provided no relief from the hot day, breezeless and unyielding. 

 

"Sure." He yawned, rubbing his temples. He'd get this over with, go home, and have something quick to eat before heading to the stream to swim. Then he could finally relax. Maybe a drink before bed, and a good book he could fall asleep reading…

 

"Hey." 

 

Iruka snapped out of his thoughts at the husky voice, nearly spilling his tea. 

 

Kakashi stood in the doorway, looking just as tired. 

 

"Hey.' He said again, a smile tugging the corner of his masked mouth. "Gotta minute?" 

 

The chuunin's eyes widened as he entered regardless, taking a seat on top of his desk. 

 

_ God, he was just like an unruly teenager _ , Iruka glowered, but put on an unamused pout as Kakashi turned to him. 

 

"Even if I didn't…" His friend poked him in the thigh with a pen. "...you'd still bother me." 

 

"Certainly." Kakashi chuckled softly, before heaving a heavy sigh. "But seriously, I've got a favor to ask."

 

Iruka interest was piqued. 

 

"Hm?" He smirked, leaning forward, elbows propping his head up on the desk. "From little ol' me?" 

 

Kakashi gave him a look. 

 

"You and him are... _ so  _ alike." He narrowed his eyes. 

 

"Who?" 

 

"Naruto." 

 

After a brief squabble, they both were sat on the desk, Kakashi swinging his legs idly over the side, Iruka much stiffer. 

 

"...I need advice." He admitted softly. "With Naruto and the others." 

 

Iruka sneered. "It's about TIME you asked for my help." He teased, brushing Kakashi's foot with his own. But he soon was beaming happily, all worries seemingly forgotten. "What do you need?"

 

The jonin felt something shiver in his chest at the sight of Iruka looking so….cheery. he brushed it aside. 

 

"I need to know...just, generally more about them. Anything you have should be useful." 

 

"Well, for one, let's start with Naruto." Iruka held up a forefinger, eyes closed as he pondered deeply what to say about the boy. Ah!

 

"First, he's very stubborn about eating his vegetables." He began, to which Kakashi choked on his own spit. 

 

"Th-that's not what I meant--"

 

But Iruka ignored it, turning determined dark eyes on the man. 

 

"So make something up about them making him into a stronger shinobi. Whatever it takes. He can't be like me and live off ramen now that he's working hard with you." 

 

It was subtle, but he did say  _ with  _ instead of  _ for.  _ Kakashi picked up immediately on it. 

 

"And he may seem lazy and willful, but it's because you're not challenging him. He doesn't quite understand finesse or stealth the way we do." Iruka nodded, "Give him reason to fear not being tactical." 

 

A brief pause, before--

 

"In  _ moderation!"  _ He prematurely reprimanded, making Kakashi chuckle. "He's still a kid. Make sure he takes breaks and reward good behavior with praise, and if he really works hard and goes above and beyond, treat him to Ichiraku." Iruka's face was lit up in a sunny smile, identical to his old student. 

 

The twinge in Kakashi's chest grew stronger. 

 

"I…" the expression turned suddenly stormy. "I get the feeling, well, I know...I...sort of took care of him every so often when he was younger and in my class.." He trailed off, before soft brown eyes met cool gray. "He...didn't eat much, or well. That's why I think he's...a little different. No one taught him how to properly eat, so I made sure to come by a few times a week to cook for him and to teach him to make himself a good meal when I couldn't." Iruka seemed genuinely broken up. He swallowed thickly, the tender touch of Kakashi's hand on his shoulder all the steadiness he needed. He leaned into it.

 

"...Can...I be honest with you?" The young shinobi spoke softly, wishing the hand would cup his cheek so he could hide his face in it, hide tears brimming in his eyes. 

 

"Always." Kakashi gave his shoulder a squeeze. 

 

"...I...I still have…" Iruka began to choke up, thick of his palm rubbing at his glistening cheeks, the tears already falling freely. "...t-the...ad...adopt…" He struggled valiantly, Kakashi's brow furrowed as he pulled the young man in close, seeing him overwhelmed with emotions he must have been hiding for a while now. "....I still...have the...adoption papers...on my desk...at home." He confessed shakily. 

 

"But...he was assigned to you, and became your ward technically...so…" He cleared his throat, pulling away and wiping his nose on his sleeve. "I had to...accept it..wouldn't happen."

 

But before Kakashi could even open his mouth to apologize, to say anything, Iruka turned blazing ochre eyes to him. 

 

"And Sakura! Don't blow her off because she can be a foolish girl! She's so talented, she just doesn't realize it yet. Don't let her get carried away with her emotions, she's barely even discovered herself yet, let alone her potential. She cares deeply for the others, but you need to boost her confidence." He blurted out, his eyes welling with tears of passion. "Be kind to her, she's very tender. But she's no pushover, so make her work for your praise just as much as Naruto. She has other motivations besides Sasuke, I  _ know  _ she does!" 

 

Kakashi was shocked to see how fired up Iruka was getting, not bothering to wipe the tears that sailed down his cheeks unfettered. 

 

"And Sasuke...he's difficult to read, but it's because he's hurting. Be kind to him, always. Show him what friendship is, he needs to learn to trust. He and Naruto will be good rivals so long as you watch over them, they'll inspire each other to work hard!" He was practically bawling now, but he still, he continued. "Humble him, but don't break his spirit! All these kids want...is someone to understand them. That's all they'll ever ask, I swear to you, Kakashi…!" He hiccupped, face a hot mess. 

 

The jonin gazed lovingly at the chuunin for a moment, before offering a cloth from his pocket. 

 

Iruka took it, his whole body trembling with emotion. 

 

"...Iruka…" Kakashi said gently, feet silently touching the floor as he stood up, arms out to help Iruka off the desk as well. 

  
  


They stood in silence together for a few moments before the older shinobi spoke up.

 

"...I…" He swallowed, heart breaking softly in the final days of summer in the empty classroom, his friend staring so helplessly up at him, shoulders quivering, red rimmed eyes threatening another painful bout of crying. 

 

He wanted to say something else entirely. But he prayed, begged to every god he never believed in that Iruka would understand what he  _ truly _ meant. 

 

"I won't...let you down...this time." He said slowly, afraid his own emotions, eyes, voice would betray him. 

 

Iruka simply inhaled sharply. He nodded once, before a tiny sob wracked his ribs.

 

In an instant he threw himself into Kakashi's arms, face buried to his shoulder, hugging him tightly. 

 

"Please." He whispered, the summer heat forgotten for a insatiable need for the tender warmth of another. "Please...all I ask…"

 

His fingers curled tightly, gripping the jonin's flak jacket. He grit his teeth, the smallest of whimpers escaping his throat. He was breaking apart piece by piece in front of him.

 

"...Be kind...and bring them home safe. I want nothing more than that, understood? That's…" He coughed under his breath, chest heaving, "That's my mission for you. Bring them home safe, no matter what. Because…."

 

"They love you, Kakashi." He whispered shakily, lips trembling as he reached a timid hand up to hold the back of his friend's head, the softness of his silver hair a feeling he wished he'd never have to force himself to forget. "They love you unconditionally. Do the same...for them.'

 

Kakashi mirrored Iruka's movements, but stronger, holding him tight. 

 

"I won't fail you. I promise." 

 

Both wanted to say it. But even as their lips moved to mouth the forbidden three words, nothing came out, and neither felt or saw it. 

 

It felt like winter when they pulled away, silent goodbyes in their lingering touches, and when the door closed, Iruka counted to ten under his breath before collapsing under the window and weeping like a lost child. It was as if he'd just watched his best friend leave for good, though he knew it wasn't the case. It was a violent and ugly cry, his body buffeted by sharp gasps and coughing fits. 

 

Kakashi hung his head low as he passed by the open window. His hands curled into tight fists.

 

This would be the one mission above all others he would not fail. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOURE SO GOOD AT BREAKING PROMISES KAKASHI :)))))))))))))))))))))))))


End file.
